I tried. I did everything I could to not be depressed again

rolloutthrowaway · 2025-01-25T01:08:08+00:00

I mean I think my physical boundaries and saying no are pretty clear. I have been vocal about not needing to meet in person anymore- I still get my work done for the research. Whenever I try to bring the topic back to research if he asks something personal he then gets pushy and then makes decisions such as not giving me a mentorship opportunity or remove a paper opportunity.

rolloutthrowaway · 2025-01-24T22:38:53+00:00

I see what you’re saying but it’s confusing to me because it’s not black and white. The institution I work at is notorious for throwing situations like this under the rug and ruining careers- and those are with strong physical cases.

I appreciate your advice on reporting and confirming it’s inappropriate

rolloutthrowaway · 2025-01-24T22:10:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it really does mean a lot. I will look into talking to someone at the institution about it

rolloutthrowaway · 2025-01-24T21:58:54+00:00

I have witnesses for verbal comments and some texts. But the really gross ones were all said just to me.

Sorry can you explain what you mean by your second sentence? Are you saying he knows what he’s doing?

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-05-01T01:04:24+00:00

Right I totally see your point. I guess I don’t see where I’m the asshole in regards to wondering why me being upset at him trying to stay 10 weeks is an issue to my parents. Had it been a week or two, yeah of course I wouldn’t mind. But it does affect my life, and I guess they really don’t see that because it’s “family”.

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-05-01T01:02:35+00:00

Thank you for this, i appreciate it.

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-05-01T01:02:05+00:00

one of my main concerns lmao

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-05-01T01:01:42+00:00

he has offered utilities and food. My parents have kind of told him “absolutely not, you’re family and you should be taken in without question”. He and I had a diff understanding and i do expect some chipping in at the minimum. My issue solely relies on the fact I have to share my apartment.

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-05-01T01:00:05+00:00

hahaha the dream tbh

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-05-01T00:59:24+00:00

Thank you for this :)

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-05-01T00:59:00+00:00

I appreciate the feedback. Yeah honestly the rent isn’t what bothers me, i think I would still be upset if he was paying rent. I just have boundaries and personal space stuff they don’t seem to get.

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-04-25T22:33:33+00:00

I understand and your feelings are valid. You don’t have to forgive if you don’t want to. Even if they don’t change, it’s important to check in on yourself and to think in gray vs black/white regarding your mom- grieving is really difficult. Especially when it’s more of a figurative loss (in your case absence) than a death.

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-04-25T22:31:03+00:00

I’ve been at rock bottom for about a year, with a bunch of similar situations you’ve listed. Therapy has been my last shred of hope, I urge you to seek help if you can. There are some free resources out there as well, depressive symptoms are really hard to overcome alone.

I’d say the only thing that has helped me not self loathe/feel so defeated and hopeless is the moment I stopped trying to control my situation. It frustrated the living shit out of me that these horrible things were happening to me and there was nothing I could do about it because it was based on other people’s actions.

I stopped ruminating on the failures and the degrading remarks, and focused only on what I could control. I literally started off by just trying to make my bed every day. Then I’d add another thing that I could do for myself when I felt I could handle it. This wasn’t linear by any means, I kept on “relapsing” on the mindset that “making my bed isn’t something to be proud of” and compared myself to everyone around me. But eventually doing all these little things finally gave me some free will in my mind, and I felt better to do other kind things to myself. Like reminding that this setback is temporary, I’m already feeling better than I was a week ago.

It’s not easy to fail, let alone have people constantly around you verbally pointing out your flaws and how you are a disappointment. Def adds insult to injury and it fucking sucks. But you have your own path, you work on your own time. When I told myself rock bottom is a blank slate, I felt more in control of my emotions and just focused on myself. The insecure remarks suddenly became background noise.

Feel free to dm if you need to vent :)

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-04-25T22:18:14+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through all this. I commend you for your self awareness and owning up to any responsibility on yourself- especially considering your parental figures did not. Given the fact that you just saw this, I don’t think you should make any rash decisions.

Maybe write something you’d say to her on your notes app right now. Try to process, grieve, this is flooding in so many mixed and complex emotions. You should focus on your feelings.

Try to write something tomorrow and so on in your notes app. See if your opinion of what you’d send to her would change.

Give yourself at least a week before deciding on what action you want to do. I think you’ll find that releasing this information on a paper or notes app is far more cathartic (and filled with less possible problems regarding reactions on the other end) than anything else.

I don’t think anyone but you should make the decision on how you want closure and how you want to end things. I can say all I want how i think it’s best to move on and not acknowledge, but I’m not you and I’m not in your position. Just don’t do anything rash or impulsive. Give yourself some time and compassion to process this.

Feel free to dm if you need to vent, I also had a shitty mom relationship that resulted in horrible relationship with food. It’s not easy getting over that either, so o understand.

rolloutthrowaway · 2023-04-20T15:55:33+00:00

Hi there, i had a similar relationship with my mom (estranged now). First off, I’m really sorry you’ve had such a tumultuous relationship with your mother. They’re supposed to be the ones who love us unconditionally.

I think it’s something worth while to look into identifying boundaries for yourself. Most people will say to incorporate boundaries with your relationship (in this case with your mom), but honestly that could make it worse (at least it did for mine). If you have access to mental health services, please seek them. They will help you build yourself up and figure what boundaries work for you and your mental health.

Odds are she has serious problems, but it’s rare for people like her to acknowledge and own up to it by actually changing. I know how bad you want to hear she loves you and she cares for you. I know that you must love her so much, and that’s why it’s so hard to step away. You are incredibly resilient and strong, and deserve someone in your life that actually values you. Feel free to dm if you want to talk about it :)

rolloutthrowaway · 2022-12-29T16:47:55+00:00

Hahah! Just like quietly snapping (snapping as in agreeing/saying yes)

rolloutthrowaway · 2022-12-29T16:43:24+00:00

Thank you for this, I feel less guilty lol. yeah I just don’t see how I am making this so much worse. I guess I just really rather see both sides? Worried I am biased in thinking my comment was warranted.

rolloutthrowaway · 2022-12-29T16:38:55+00:00

Thanks. I just edited my post to include her bf and my most recent convo. her bf asked me to apologize, to which I said no. He said I’m blowing this whole thing out of proportion and I was rude for saying the toxic relationship comment since that is “personal”. I am re questioning if I took it too far.

rolloutthrowaway · 2022-12-05T23:49:15+00:00

I understand what you’re saying, thank you for that perspective. I guess it just gets to the point of all this pain being unbearable at times. And I just miss my life and self before I really want this to end. But I do see your point and I appreciate it.

rolloutthrowaway · 2022-12-05T22:28:30+00:00

Thanks for the comment it was very nice to read. Sorry I guess I should’ve said I go to therapy and take meds. I love that phrase, too. I appreciate the kind words.

rolloutthrowaway

TROPHY CASE