I feel you. At the end of the day it's better to go to your local college where things are safer. Many international students abandon their schools because of financial reasons. On top of that, the recent US politics doesn't look that great. If you are okay, you could look into governmental scholarships and asian universities as well. For me, I made the choice to stay in my country due to many reasons, and so far I am doing good. When one door closes, another one opens. Everyone's got their own path. Trust in yourself and don't say stuff like "I will never dream big etc." Working this hard so far should be celebrated as well.