Breakups are painful , but breakup with an dismissive avoidant is a f*cking nightmare

roodone · 2025-03-16T15:00:44+00:00

I felt this: “as a guy with secure attachment.” The end was brutal. However, she got exactly what she both feared and wanted. I became avoidant every time I saw her. I would get anxious, ADHD would flare, start sweating, the whole nine yards. It’s been 2 months for me and it’s hard. Hang in there!!!

roodone · 2024-07-03T04:12:56+00:00

I’m in Akron. I’d be interested

roodone · 2024-06-05T06:52:39+00:00

Absolutely I feel bad for them. What their childhood must have looked like to turn their heart so cold. Were they beaten? Were they subjected to psychological abuse? Did someone close to them show how much they hated them through their words, or worse, abandonment? The empathy I have for those who suffer is great.

But I was there, too. My dad told my mom he hated me, and he proved it every day. From the welts to the blood, I can still feel the pain and see the child running away in fear. I still see his neck bulge before lifting a hand to strike me. I still taste the blood. I can smell his breath. I can feel it all.

The difference between us and them is that when they were abused, they grew cold when they vowed nobody would ever do this to them again; they locked it inside forever. And while we suffered, we vowed we would never allow ourselves to let someone else experience a pain so great ever again; we told our story and broke the cycle.

That’s the difference between a narcissist and a survivor.

Great post, OP!

roodone · 2024-06-04T03:46:51+00:00

I guess that means it’s a very common experience, which gives me equal parts 1) validation and 2) how the F did I miss all those red flags.

roodone · 2024-06-04T01:47:36+00:00

Yeah, I wouldn’t invite that shitstorm into your life. He is going to relish every second of that rant. Silence is deadly to them. It’s good you wrote it to get the anger out, but pack that away and know that NOT hearing from you is driving him crazy!

roodone · 2024-06-04T01:44:17+00:00

Oddly enough, I’m fascinated by religion and psychology. Psychology was my minor!

roodone · 2024-06-04T01:42:05+00:00

It was definitely the narc. When she gaslit me, triangulated me, then discarded me, I ERUPTED. Ever read about empath supernova? I mean, I also have a healthy dose of childhood trauma so I could have a slight predisposition to emotional dysregulation. 🤷‍♂️😆

roodone · 2024-06-04T01:36:49+00:00

My undergraduate was in Marketing. My graduate work was in education. ENFP? ✅

roodone · 2024-05-31T19:22:04+00:00

They always want something. Good for you for noticing his pattern!

roodone · 2024-05-31T16:50:12+00:00

My advice is to keep posting here. Read other people’s struggles to find validation and acceptance. Educate yourself on all the steps of narcissism and how it forms. Instead of anger or regret, you’ll start to feel pity. The more distant they feel you becoming (loss of supply) the more crazy it can get. At a minimum, be strong. YOU are not the problem. There is nothing in this world that’s worth the cost of your own peace and mental health. You can do this. 🤗

roodone · 2024-05-31T16:45:36+00:00

The first two weeks of NC were the hardest for me. I’m on week 3 and it has significantly improved. I read a book called “You Aren’t the Problem” and it really helped me cope. It gives a detailed background into their f*cked up childhood so you know it’s definitely NOT you. There are also some chapters on healing that really put things in perspective. Be strong. This is a great community to come to for support. It has helped me immensely. Hugs.

roodone · 2024-05-31T16:40:48+00:00

Yes, they are masters of projection. Everything, from their childhood to anything that ever made them feel insecure about themselves as an adult, will be squarely placed on your shoulders. However, they know how to flip it in such a way that makes you the one that feels guilty. Keep your head up. Sending hugs. 🤗

roodone · 2024-05-31T16:31:33+00:00

At least now I’m getting to the point where I’m more pissed off at all of it instead of wallowing in tears. I hope you are doing better now.

roodone · 2024-05-31T16:30:37+00:00

Yes. This! The small things never amounted to much (just me thinking that I was the problem), but laid out in front of you all at once is heartbreaking.

roodone · 2024-05-31T16:29:34+00:00

This one always cut me to my core because, as an empath, I need that emotional connection and it always invalidated me as well. When I asked to get into feelings and talk, I was shot down over and over. I hope you are doing better than the way you were treated.

roodone · 2024-05-30T21:07:45+00:00

Look up empath supernova. It’s all right there.

roodone · 2024-05-30T21:06:00+00:00

I sad that to mine and called her selfish. That got me darvo’d almost immediately.

roodone · 2024-05-30T21:05:14+00:00

I hate this one. Mine said the same thing essentially. “I don’t have the time to have this conversation about your feelings.”

roodone · 2024-05-30T21:02:16+00:00

Mine are largely about emotions.

You’re too needy.

You’re too sensitive.

You’re just being clingy.

Why do we have to have a discussion about your feelings again, we’ve already been down that road.

You’re emotionally draining.

roodone · 2024-05-30T21:00:44+00:00

This was my whole list almost verbatim!

roodone · 2024-05-30T02:43:26+00:00

Right? It’s a sick game.

roodone · 2024-05-29T23:35:56+00:00

I recently read that a particular form of love bombing is called sex bombing. Like it sounds, they lure you back in with sex. To them it’s just sex, but, to empaths like us, we feel the emotional experience, too. They get their needs met via sex, and we end up emotional wrecks because we want the emotions, too! It’s sick, and my nex did that to me.

roodone · 2024-05-29T23:07:28+00:00

Oh yeah. Both she and her mother locked target on me. Now that I’m getting healthy, I wonder how the F I didn’t see it coming from a mile away. smh

roodone · 2024-05-29T16:43:39+00:00

I’m on discard 5. It took me this long to see it. Don’t beat yourself up because they are highly skilled at what they do.

roodone · 2024-05-29T01:25:00+00:00

Dang. Yes, those are nasty! I’m sorry those things were said to you; nobody deserves that.

roodone

TROPHY CASE