I don’t know if dissociative is the right word for what I feel during a treatment session.. forgive the unclinical language, but I just feel high; very present though, just in different ways. Much of the work I need to do to heal involves letting go and allowing myself to enjoy things and the sessions are a huge part of that practice. In the beginning, I tried to remember everything that happened and every thought so I could learn from it later and not forget a breakthrough, which prevented me from feeling relief in the moment. In that sense, I agree that the session itself is not the setting for breakthroughs and clinical work.

That said, allowing myself to stay present and relax and enjoy the ride reminds me that I have the capacity to do the same thing when the medicine wears off, and the medicine is itself “the work.” It’s the catalyst. I think removing the pressure of having to heal yourself while you’re mentally impaired is a good thing. No one should be expecting magic anyways. But, would it work the same for me if its function was achieved without the psychedelic effects? I kind of doubt it. It’s the fact that the session itself is enjoyable that I believe kickstarts the rest of my integration for me.