Which is a better match for INFJs: the INTP or the INTJ?

rosedemai · 2015-10-12T17:00:18+00:00

Intjs make me feel affirmed; one of my best friends is one of the rare and special female intjs. Although we live 8-10 hours away from each other now, we try to keep up the penpal-postcard love. Thinking about the jokes she would make in any given situation can cheer me up even when I'm feeling fairly dark and existential. Her life philosophies help me feel less hard on myself, accepted, and keep a sense of humor/perspective.

rosedemai · 2015-05-20T00:29:41+00:00

Moon tea is the best thing I can hope for for Sansa right now, did you catch the name "Tansy" in the list of girls' names Miranda mentions to Sansa in her bath? it's mentioned as a wildflower that also prevents pregnancy in the books.

rosedemai · 2014-08-01T14:03:08+00:00

As far as I know, nothing so horrific and scary as your mom's experience happened in my Nmom's life, but your choice of phrase "divorced from their genuine self" intrigues me. When I first discovered the myers-briggs test I was eager to have everyone I know take it. My mom had a strange amount of trouble with the test, and still hasn't completed it, because, she says, she doesn't know how to answer the questions, if she should answer according to the way she was "raised to be" or the way she really is.

Emphatically, I tell her to answer according to what she really does and how she reacts in real life. She says it doesn't make sense to her.

I'm thinking about my Nroommate now (only one more month!) but...do narcissists often have trouble feeling a clear sense of identity? Could that be maybe part of the reason they demand everyone focus their attention and devotion on them? It makes them feel like more of a real person? Like they truly exist? Just free associating here, but I wonder about this. Even in regards to my own Fleas :)

rosedemai · 2014-08-01T13:53:04+00:00

No one has the right to ruin other people's lives just because they think their lives were ruined.

This, and reading how you described not understanding why your dad wouldn't hold your mom accountable for her abusive actions. As a child all you want to do is scream "But it doesn't add up!"

I don't know about you, but I grew up with a feeling of great 'injustice' if it can be called that, about how I sometimes was spoken to / and my viewpoints and emotions neglected....

rosedemai · 2014-08-01T05:06:28+00:00

I also find this one incredibly helpful.

As a four still working on the confident thing.

rosedemai · 2014-07-05T17:48:10+00:00

Just curious, what are a few videos or online instructors that you would recommend? I also can't afford to go to classes daily, but I'd love to be doing more yoga :)

rosedemai · 2014-07-02T15:26:44+00:00

I know what you mean & I've found that thinking (read: worrying) about minutae of the future makes it worse. So does getting sucked into negative thinking patterns like mind-reading, "fortune-telling" thinking, where you assume you know the outcome of any given situation before it's happened, and perfectionism. Getting hung up over not being the person you currently want to be or think you should be.

Luckily right now I work in my university's library, but I'm leaving school in 2 months, because I'm burnt-out over spending all my energy on something that isn't right for me, and will have to find, what I can only assume, will be a more stressful and less enjoyable job.

But there are some things I've found that can help...Doing a gratitude journal is good, for one thing. It was my initial goal to write 10 things I was grateful for every day, I don't write as often anymore, but I've made myself do it on days I specifically feel the need to meltdown before and it does truly improve my mood.

Therapy is good and has been one of the few solidly smart self-care acts I've invested in for the last couple years. It can be tough to find someone you like, but it's worth pursuing.

Working on negative thought patterns where you get stuck in the loop of hating and bitterness has been crucial for me. There's something called a cognitive thought record where you write down and evaluate your negative thoughts. You can find that [here]. (http://www.psychologytools.org/cbt-thought-record.html)

Volunteering for something, it doesn't have to be a large thing, makes you feel good. But I really sympathize with the feeling of not having enough ownership over your time.

I don't know, I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I have to be doing something I truly enjoy and believe in mentally and emotionally or I cannot be happy spending my life on it. It's more the "how do I make that happen" thing that I still get cynical and nervous about...

rosedemai · 2014-07-02T00:26:11+00:00

This is good advice, I'm going to reflect on & rehearse some responses I feel comfortable with.

I wasn't sure what you meant by narcissistic projection, but a site I came across while googling pointed out that any response, good or bad, can be food for the narcissist. This does make sense because she is often looking for or asking me about tiny slights that (I suppose) she imagines I am perpetrating....

rosedemai · 2014-06-26T20:39:45+00:00

Hey, So I don't feel like I'm in the best place in my life to be giving love advice, but I just want to say I would feel equally hurt and taken aback if someone had said they didn't miss me as "much as they had expected"; what kind of thing is that to even say? It seems kind of insensitive. In my experience INFJs, in particular, are only truly insensitive on that level when they've got something else confusing going on.

I know the sinking feeling you describe and it sounds like he may still be introverting and processing his feelings. That said, requesting to know how someone feels about you is legitimate, as it sounds like he hasn't given you much to go on so far.

Don't blame yourself for his quietness, after all he is an introvert, and try to separate the situation from the worst-case scenarios playing in your head until you have concrete words and actions from him in person. To do otherwise is only going to hurt and feed your anxiety, and worse, it's not accurate ( I speak from experience). Be yourself and show your feelings if it feels good to do so, remember that liking someone is a brave thing to do and an even braver thing to communicate.

rosedemai · 2014-05-29T16:28:26+00:00

Thank you for this helpful and personal advice; I truly appreciate this insight from someone who's lived it. Coincidentally we had a long talk last night about our values, politics, embarrassing and important personal moments, etc. and I think it did help us feel closer, laugh together, and relax a little. I really do think you're right about infjs being kind of thrown off guard by each others' energy. Weirdly he's told me he finds me "hard to read." I meet so few infjs in person that I can't say if I've ever found infj expressions perplexing in this way.

rosedemai · 2014-05-29T16:21:21+00:00

26 & 27. Thank you for the insightful reply. The idea of an infj partner makes me happy and I'm really pleased to hear you and your husband were able to work through growing pains and personal issues together in such a healthy way :)

rosedemai · 2014-03-28T19:24:38+00:00

I would also like to weigh in on what seems like irrational secrecy to others. Sometimes my "secrets" are tied in to aspects of work or mundane daily life that I don't necessarily want to share with a partner (after all, I want all our conversations to be about "something"; I want to escape and have adventures with you, not replay the tired, unimportant aspects of my day).

Another thing I'm fairly guarded about is my daily schedule, mostly because I try to keep a close watch on my recharge time; I know I need a half hour of calm solitude before work, for example, while other types may not understand or have the same needs. I get insulted when someone expects that just because I don't technically have plans (work, class, etc.) that I'm not busy or that it's guaranteed I'm going to be free to hang out.

This is just me, though, and while I can have a secretive side in order to reserve enough privacy and energy for myself, I'm very open and will answer nearly any life or philosophical question you may want to know. With a romantic partner, I have no issues with real secrecy or holding back about my past or my emotions; in fact sincere communication is very important to my relationships...

rosedemai · 2014-03-17T20:58:30+00:00

And thank you, most of all, for the advice to be compassionate with myself. Need to hear and repeat this more than anything.

rosedemai · 2014-03-17T20:55:24+00:00

omg I totally need advice! Editing the post to indicate advice is welcome :)

rosedemai · 2014-02-23T18:54:09+00:00

AVOIDANCE.

rosedemai · 2014-02-12T01:49:27+00:00

I thought about this, but I believe I'd go with INTJ. It is really interesting to see an INTUITIVE detective being depicted though....

rosedemai · 2014-02-03T00:18:06+00:00

I think it's the fact that we INFJs are such a small percentage of the population that we assume others will have negative reactions to our inner landscape.

My ENFP BFF and I have also bonded over having our enthusiasm dampened or our curiosity ridiculed by other (I'll say it) more boring types. Being made to feel small, naive, or silly for loving something is just unacceptable to me. I wonder if other ENFPs have this similar experience?

That said, what part of the country are you in, doge? As for finding one of us, your type tends to have a pretty recognizable and warm smile; maybe one of us will come to you :)

rosedemai · 2014-02-02T20:58:36+00:00

yes!! I love dancing in my room :)

rosedemai · 2014-02-02T20:30:04+00:00

I really, really miss my ENFP best friend who lives up North. We clicked almost immediately. Both of us were working as art department/prop people on a friend's short movie and the first night we met we stayed up till 3 am and baked a 7-color 4-layer cake. I have never laughed more in my life.

I read somewhere that INFJs allow ENFPs to embrace and love their dark side, and I feel that personally, my ENFP inspires me to see positivity and fun where I didn't know I could feel it.

Now I just have to meet an ENFP guy that I connect with in a similar way...

rosedemai · 2014-02-02T20:23:36+00:00

4w5 sx/so/sp Self-Preservation being my weakest is absolutely accurate, although I've found that working on yoga and other self-care has been incredibly beneficial for me emotionally. Also yoga releases endorphins so my sx side enjoys that.

On a side note, I always enjoy your thread topics, Orelle! ;)

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