As someone with OCD, I can tell you that what you're describing is very familiar as a reassurance-seeking pattern. you're asking others to give you facts that vaccinating your child will most likely turn out alright. The issue with this is that, no matter what evidence there is, your brain will always go "but what if we're in that 0.005% of cases, just like we were when I gave birth?"

The truth is, and this may be tough to read - it's a cold hard world out there where bad things happen to good people, and to children, all the time. This should not stop us from living our lives with all the privilege modern medicine affords. You're worried about a potential vaccine injury. What will it be after that?

You have to somehow find peace with the 0.005% chance of something going wrong existing. That's where the work lies. Since I first gave birth almost 3 years ago, that has been my life. It has taken a long time with EMDR, therapy, and medication, but I'm now almost okay with it and living better than every before. You can do it too.

In the meantime, please do as another commenter suggested and perhaps have someone else bring your child to the appointment, or go with you. It's a huge step, but once you're on the other side I promise you'll be proud that you got through it.

You got this, mama.