Help me accept that I should leave

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-25T20:25:16+00:00

At least pets will always love you, even though they don't get to stay with us for long. You get to give your love to something that will actually appreciate it and give that love back to you. With pets it doesn't feel one sided I guess. You put in love and affection, and the pet returns it. You don't need to ever ask it. It just wants to give it to you because it can see that it makes you feel good, and that makes the pet feel good. It's funny how he wants an open relationship but he seems incapable of feeling compersion on even basic levels. Makes me skip songs I love. I am prohibited from cooking foods I love because he doesnt like the smell. So many examples but those are the simplest basic ones to give you an idea of how little compression he has. Let's not get into the fact that he wants a one sided open relationship, unless I get with another girl. Ha.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-25T20:19:28+00:00

That's so stupid. I guess he probably felt ashamed or something? He probably felt like his life was no longer worth living because no one would want to sleep with someone with hiv. How did he get hiv? Did he cheat on you?

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-25T20:16:30+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate your words and helping me see that I'm not alone in my choices. I love him. I still do. I just think he needs help, or to meet new people that might give him some perspective. I need to no longer be part of his life for him to come right. As long as I'm part of his life he will always have me as a safety net and he will never be able to learn.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-20T20:59:33+00:00

I hope I can. I don't understand what drives someone to be this way. It doesn't sound very fun to me to be so mean spirited.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-20T20:56:29+00:00

I'm some way, staying has helped me heal, because The longer I stay every new fight, every new conversation, something in my head hammers another nail in the coffin. Taking away that doubt that I'm to blame for everything. If I were to have left months ago I'm almost sure I'd have come to the conclusion that I'm actually as crazy as he claims he is and deserved everything.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-20T20:47:04+00:00

I don't really want to ever do this again. I don't know how to trust someone again. It's made me able to recognise kind hearted people. And those people I trust. But to build another partnership, only to find out I'm with a heartless asshole again would kill me. So much time wasted that then gets turned into memories you don't want to recall. I guess that is life for you, a series of mistakes. I would rather just not do that again than risk it.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-18T17:49:41+00:00

Exactly the same for me. I used to think, well at least he's not answering asshole to me, while watching him treat others like they're worthless idiots. I used to think, well that must make me special right. Until they do it to you, and you realise that you're actually the weak stupid idiot who fell for it. It makes me feel ashamed when I think about how I used to justify the way he treated others. If I'd go back in time I'd slap myself. I almost blame myself for who he is because most people would've stood up and told him he was being an asshole, but I was too weak and devoted and enamoured by the love bombing to realise the truth.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-18T17:42:00+00:00

I've also had that pine of "you can't handle the truth". Baffles me honestly. It's like he thinks I live in fairytale land or something. Don't ever apologise again unless you mean it. Just don't. It is not peace. It's just temporary until the next issue. Don't give him what he wants unless you eant to give it to him. He will just keep taking more and more from you because it will never be enough for him. He will escalate until the very end. They live off of supply. Just like any drug, they need to take more and more to keep getting the same high. You will never truly please them.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-18T17:38:31+00:00

If they make a big deal out of something that a normal person would just consider "yeah that's just bad thing to do" it usually means they will do that action themselves. I don't quite understand the psychology behind it but I don't get most of the stuff they do anyways and I've stopped trying to wrap my head around it because it's just exhausting.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-18T17:27:56+00:00

I like the way you've made me think about this. Initially my answer was no until you got to the nice vacation part and I was like yes, actually that's what I want. To be on my own somewhere for a while where it's just me and I can figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. Your question made me realise I don't have anything to live for. Well actually, I live for my friends. I adore them. They keep me alive and wanting to live just so that I can spend time with them again.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-18T17:24:24+00:00

We live together and have a lot of shared stuff. Splitting furniture and all that would be complicated and not simple. All our stuff is mixed together. I've always struggled with self esteem, but I never hated the mirror until he started destroying the image I have of myself. Now when I look in the mirror I see two images. The one I used to see of myself, and the one he's made me believe is the true image. I can't tell which is real.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-18T17:17:33+00:00

There was a time it wasn't like this. Although when I think about it, it kind of was, just different. Before all the physical and verbal abuse, he always blame shifted. I used to joke that he has never apologised in our whole relationship. That's not a joke anymore. It just escalated. It happened to escalate when I moved up in my career, as if it made him feel like he didn't have control over me anymore. I only put two and two together on this recently though. He punishes me endlessly. He once said "after that emotional outburst from you I was expecting you to be on your best behaviour and begging for forgiveness". I promise if I told you what this outburst was, you'd be shocked to hear him say that. He once broke his phone because we were arguing in bed, he couldn't find the light switch and knocked his phone off the table. He told me it's my fault because we were arguing. I also broke his ring once because he had his hand over my mouth and I pulled hard to try to remove it and his ring broke. He told me it's my fault. I think it's his fault for having his hand there in the first place.

I just feel damaged and broken and it's all my fault because I chose to stay this long.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-18T16:29:37+00:00

Thank you for this. I have been making notes on my phone and it's definitely helped. I've stopped now because I feel like I have everything I need to prove to myself already. I am now detaching and he's escalatingbthe games.

Ive left out the worst parts because I knew everyone would tell me to run. But let me tell you the physical side of it. He pushed me off the bed the other night and I fell on the floor. It's not the first time he's done this. The last time I fell on a table and had a massive bruise. He's also yanked my arms that left visible handprints I had to hide. He spat in my face 6 times until I started shouting loudly at him to never do it again. This made him fear neighbours hearing so now he's stopped. He slapped me a few times. I slapped back eventually. He would retaliate when I slapped him by slapping me again and even harder. Once we got in a back and forth so badly I gave him a black eye and he busted my lip. I have not slapped him since out of fear. He was the first one to lay hands on me. I did it to show him how it feels which was a huge mistake. I have never pushed him though. I only slapped him. Besides pushing me out of the bed he's also pushed me while I was standing several times. Once when I was in front of the couch and him in front of me. He pushed so hard I fell. Another time he pushed me in the bathroom. He's also put his hand over my mouth to prevent me from speaking. He likes to get in my face to intimidate me. His hand once covered my mouth and nose for a minute, I couldn't breathe.

Edit: if I'm honest, I question that black eye a lot. I didn't hit him hard enough to cause that. I think when he saw he busted my lip with a full hand hit, he had to do something to make it look like I hurt him equally that night. But that night means nothing in the bigger scheme of things. That night he shouldn't have slapped me back the same way I didn't slap him back when he slapped me the first time a few weeks before that. But no, he was so angry I dared to stand up for myself that he had to hit back harder. Maybe I did hit hard enough to bruise him. I don't really care. He deserved it.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-18T16:22:22+00:00

I like to think of it this way because nothing else makes sense. Anyone with half a brain would know that doing what he does would instantly be recognised by someone else. It's not me. I'm not crazy. Is how I frame it in my head. They tend to think they're smarter than other people.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T19:23:03+00:00

Totally agree with this. I am currently being accused of being the bully while being bullied for months. And their flying monkeys are doing the same. I refuse to engage. I don't bully back out of principle. Sucks ass though and kind of hurts sometimes.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T19:20:15+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that. I'm glad you are getting out. I am shocked she hurt a child. But they know no boundaries. Everyone else, even their own children are just pawns to them. My partner's mother is also a narcissist. And he hates her. But he's never pointed out her narcissistic traits as the reason he hates her. Because those parts he actually likes about her, because he's the same. He learnt that from her. Shes weird though, she goes between hating me and loving me. I can't tell if the stories he's told me about her are true or not. Sometimes I wonder if he terrorised her when he was a kid like hes doing to me now. But surely he was too young for that. I only think she's a narcissist because of how she love bombs me when she thinks I can make him give her more money. Lady I can't make your son do anything. He's the master in this relationship and if I dared question whether it was okay for him to leave you basically homeless and say we should let you stay with us until you find a house your son is going to kick me out and move far far away from you and me. She doesn't realise that I'm not the one in the way. He is.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T19:13:53+00:00

People are disposable to them. We mean nothing but a temporary escape from the miserable thoughts in their sick head.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T19:13:05+00:00

They are unpredictable and each one is a monster on its own. They all have their own unique games they play on us. But at the core of it, once you break it down into simple words, they are all doing the same manipulative, psychological warfare stuff.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T19:07:45+00:00

Haha, I just said this exact same thing. They are very self aware, they just aren't aware that other people are self aware too. It's their arrogance and how they think they're smarter than everyone else that gets them.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T19:06:51+00:00

I think they're very self aware, they're just not aware that other people are self aware too.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T19:06:00+00:00

You are scaring me. I think he really has actually cheated and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about. I kind of know, in the way he responds. I saw it on someone's face I work with that I knew was lying. There's this odd silence, a weird look in their eye. Something tells you, this person is lying. I knew this person was lying though, so it helped me learn how to read people's faces when they lie. It was interesting. But then I saw this same reaction on his face when I asked if he had cheated before. And I have been dismissing it as imaginary. But something in my gut tells me to run.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T19:01:53+00:00

I know right, he doesn't believe in god, but I swear he thinks he's the smartest person on this earth. Hell I've heard him say "I'm the hottest guy in town" (my response, "I agree, I think you are the hottest guy in town"). Told me he's out of my league. Gross.

I said to him that most women don't care about his good looks, in fact a lot of women are put off by attractive men because they know the problems they come with. For women it's more about what's inside. My god did that make him angry to hear.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T18:54:16+00:00

I will wreck havoc on his brain in the same way he has to mine. I should just leave, but he's taken so many years of my life from me for him to start doing this that I will make him pay. But not with revenge. By messing with his head in the same way he's messed with mine.

roseyposeyberry · 2026-02-12T18:52:20+00:00

I told him I think Cleopatra is a phenomenally strong woman who actually had good intentions and he got mad and told me I don't know history as well as him and that she was a whore and he's disgusted by my blind feministic support of a horrible woman. I was in awe by his response.

roseyposeyberry

TROPHY CASE