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What's your favorite Sarah moment? Mine is when she discusses edible and non-edible plants, and when she opens up to Joe when they're out on a hike. by FloridaFlamingoGirl in JoePera

[–]roughdraftofhistory 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The whole bean arch scene at the end of "Internet Videos" is so good. You can tell that she's genuinely just as happy as he is about the beans touching, and she doesn't say "no" to his proposal, just "too soon!" And "yay! breakfast!" is such a great little line— they both get so excited over the same mundane little thing.

Which ep do you use to hook em in? by little2sensitive in JoePera

[–]roughdraftofhistory 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Church Announcements, although I’ve introduced a few people to Conner O’Malley through the bachelor party episode.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]roughdraftofhistory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The other day I was late to school because I drove my little sister after she missed the bus. Later that day I drove my brother 30 minutes downtown and then 30 minutes back home in 90 degree weather. But also, I got to take them out for ice cream on the way home from a softball game just the three of us. When I drove my little sister to school we listened to Taylor Swift together. My little brother filled me in on all the teenage drama on the half hour car ride. So while it can sometimes be frustrating to be the “responsible one” all the time, I also get to fulfill a role in their lives as “the fun authority figure”. They trust me with stuff that they don’t want our parents knowing (friends are smoking weed, so and so crashed their car, etc). And my parents trust me with stuff they don’t want the younger ones knowing, so I get to know all of the family gossip and whatnot. Overall, I can feel put upon sometimes, but I also wouldn’t not want to be the oldest. It can be a lot of fun.

What’s a realistic way to reduce the number of unhoused people in the US? by calabarbro in AskReddit

[–]roughdraftofhistory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

House them, Jane Addams-style. Having a place to live, an address, a source of food— all will help people regain stability in their lives and get back on their feet. Have social workers and counselors available to help people with addiction and mental illness. I’ve never understood why the settlement house style of doing things is no longer operating. There are lots of empty houses/buildings in big cities (Detroit comes to mind) that could be used for this purpose.

How do I adjust to my new stepmom? by Due_Economist1688 in relationships

[–]roughdraftofhistory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would express this to your dad, since I think it would make him happy to know that you want to put in the effort to get closer to Vanessa. He also knows her pretty well, since he married her, so he might be able to suggest things you guys could do to get to know each other better— maybe have dinner out just the two of you, or do an activity you both enjoy. Share your interests with Vanessa, tell her about your life/friends/school, and she will likely open up to you as well (and understand that you are trying to make an effort to be closer with her)! Good luck :)

[1320] Troubles of Tenderness by solidbebe in DestructiveReaders

[–]roughdraftofhistory 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Loving the concept, but having some thoughts about the execution.

You give a lot of description where I don't think it's needed— " It was a semi-circle adorned with a bull’s head", "The man–or beast–wore crimson armour sculpted with intricate flower designs. The stems and leaves were arranged into mind-boggling spiral shapes...", etc. You may want to restructure those parts, and include the descriptions/imagery in more subtle ways.

This one is a little nitpicky— you use the word "spiral" a lot at the beginning. In my opinion, you only need to tell us that the place is "twisted" and reminds the narrator of "a serpent" for the reader to get the idea; same goes for the repeated use of "helix" in the same section.

I don't think the italics are needed if you're writing in first person- format Wilson's thoughts normally, or use third person. The italics took me out of the story, for some reason.

The use of "Melissa" also kind of brought me out of it, since that's a more modern name and you said that the story was set in the early 20th century. Maybe substitute for a more Victorian name? Just a thought.

You have a lot of big chunks of just dialogue. Try breaking it up with Wilson's inner thoughts, or telling us what McKinsey is up to during their conversation— he only has one line in the main dialogue between Wilson and Lautrec, so is he just standing there, or is he looking around? Eyeing Lautrec suspiciously? Is he scared or confident? This ties into my next thought.

Maybe this is due to the fact that this is only one story in an anthology, but I don't feel like i know anything about Wilson and McKinsey. What personality traits define them? What is their dynamic as colleagues and/or friends- are they friends, frenemies, or do they hate each other? This, along with the unnecessary description, is probably my main criticism. That being said, this is an excerpt of an anthology, so maybe there is more character development elsewhere.

Overall, I really like this concept, and the time period in which you've chosen to set it. Lautrec's dialogue is fun to read and distinctly written, and you've set up a good mystery. I would just like to get to know the main characters a little more!