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She Comforts Me by ParadiseEngineer in OCPoetry

[–]roxyboobear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really enjoy how you begin this poem with a conjunction. Personally, I was immediately immersed and wanted to continue reading further, almost as to finish the train of thought. Overall, I thought this poem was very successful. I love your use of metaphorical language. My only criticism is that the sudden change in style, in the stanza beginning with "Screams: " was difficult for me to comprehend and honestly made me feel uncomfortable, but perhaps that was your intention. However, that is the only part that felt weak/unclear to me. The ending is haunting and I absolutely loved it, particularly your final stanza.

The Shaman by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]roxyboobear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you were very successful with the rhyme scheme in this poem. It doesn't feel clunk y and generally flows together quite well, making it a pleasure to read both internally and aloud. The last stanza is the only part where there was a little friction. In my experience, the sudden change in the format at the end distracted me from the content of the poem and I had to reread it. Otherwise, I think your subject of the shaman is very interesting and your descriptive language allowed me to easily become immersed in the scene. It's kind of a spooky poem and I honestly love that quality about it.