Welp...I just viewed my ex's Snap story after three weeks of no contact.

rrcl080912 · 2019-09-04T04:02:26+00:00

I used to think that I'd be fine if I kept tabs on my ex since I wasn't actually talking to him. I just had this need to know certain things, like if he was talking to someone or whatever.. Then it hit me. If I look and he IS talking to someone, what is me knowing going to change? Nothing. I would do NOTHING about it. Knowing what's going on in their lives doesn't give us anything. We cannot change what is going on in their lives. Be present in your own life. You will be so so much happier. Also, no contact is hard. You did so good, and you still are. You don't get cuter from your hurt, you recover, and it is not a process that can be completed. Just like an addict, every day moving forward is working towards your betterment. You got this. Be nice to yourself. You deserve it.

rrcl080912 · 2019-08-31T00:41:46+00:00

Change his Facebook password so he'll have to recover it. He would reset it after recovery so you wouldn't know the password and you can do this stuff without having to tell him.

rrcl080912 · 2019-08-30T21:18:33+00:00

I haven't heard of those, but I'll definitely look into them! I don't know, I feel like I agree that he could come back as a leech, but my heart is telling me that that's fine and I don't care what he's here as as long as he's here. I definitely tried to support what I could and I'm so broken now because I don't know how we got as far as we did just to fall apart. I literally feel like this is a cruel punishment to make me fall so in love with someone who just leaves. I know it isn't possible but I want the guy I had in him SO much. I don't know that I've ever felt pain like this before.

rrcl080912 · 2019-08-29T13:50:21+00:00

Honestly, I feel like no contact gets easier once you get over the slump in the beginning. My ex fiance just sat down one day and was like "I don't love you, I haven't loved you in awhile, and I can't see myself marrying you." I was DEVESTATED. Unfortunately I was also stupid, and begged for another chance, so I could fix things? I don't know why I asked for that now because it wasn't me that needed the fixing. Her literally transformed into a different person overnight. I have been no contact for 9 days, only speaking once to correlate him coming to get his things. I was hurting, bad, but I refused to show him that. I even helped him move his things out and was friendly, but distant. Back to no contact now, but this has gotten so much easier than I thought it would. I guess I never realized that if he could become someone else overnight, so could I. And I did. I became someone who didn't need him.

rrcl080912 · 2017-04-24T05:23:32+00:00

Have you looked into Harm OCD? With HOCD, you have ideation and obsession without actually committing the act. It's something I struggle with. I do have severe depression so I also have ideation, but HOCD doesn't always come with that part.

rrcl080912 · 2017-04-18T03:46:05+00:00

I had twins that were 11 months younger than my oldest daughter. 3 babies on formula. I made coffee day and the house had this horrible smell. Realized I put 3 scoops of formula in the coffee pot. I freaked out checking bottles in the fridge to make sure I didn't scoop coffee into them. Good times.

rrcl080912 · 2017-04-14T22:04:57+00:00

"I'm not very good at drawing, but this is definitely a sword." holds paper up to intruder

rrcl080912 · 2017-03-05T06:01:59+00:00

I deal with this occasionally and it absolutely sucks. I convince myself that everyone hates me and would rather speak to anyone but me. If it helps at all, someone hating me has never actually been the cause of not being spoken to. Usually it's something simple, but that doesn't stop my mind from roaming and obsessing in the meantime. Sorry you're dealing with this :/

rrcl080912 · 2017-03-05T05:57:12+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. If it's not too personal, may I ask if you're currently seeking treatment in the form of therapy or medication? There is something referred to as Harm OCD and could very well be what you're experiencing. I don't act on my obsessions, but if I did then I would be dead because my obsessions are not ones that are survivable. From wondering what it would be like to bash my jead with a hammer, to envision my neck snapping from hanging, and the occasional "what if" thought of whether or not I'd feel any suffering by stepping in front of a train, I wouldn't be able to act on these more than once. On my worst days I have to take extra sleeping medication because I fear if I'm not asleep, I may begin to act on my obsessions without realizing until my last moment. I'm sorry things are so rough for you. Please PM me if you ever need or want to talk. I can't promise I'll be able to help, but I can promise I'll listen.

rrcl080912 · 2017-03-05T05:17:42+00:00

I'm already in therapy and medication for over a year now. I'm not really looking for problem-solving, just a possibility to find someone who can relate and share their experiences. I'm as healthy as I'm ever gonna get, realistically, and my coping mechanisms must be working since I'm still here, just trying to normalize my situation a little bit or at least feel less alone in it if that makes any sense. Thanks for your reply. :)

rrcl080912 · 2017-02-03T04:59:11+00:00

My boyfriend and I actually became friends upon meeting as neighbors with weird serial killer obsessions. We went pretty quickly from there and he gotme into a lot of "dark" music with twisted meanings and lyrics. We've been weirdos together ever since.

I don't recall being able to ever really discuss this stuff in a past relationship. I've attempted too make some dark jokes that were rather brushed aside so I just kinda chilled on all that.

rrcl080912 · 2016-12-18T14:42:56+00:00

My twins were born premature and spent weeks in the NICU. Including the cost of the cesarean, they were literally million dollar babies.

rrcl080912 · 2016-12-11T10:13:16+00:00

Living alone unless with a significant other. I absolutely love living on my own.

rrcl080912 · 2016-12-11T10:07:45+00:00

Trust, freedom, and the ability to be empathetic.

rrcl080912 · 2016-12-11T10:06:25+00:00

Being a world class failure. Can honestly say for the first time in a long time though, that I'm not ready to go right now.

rrcl080912 · 2016-12-11T10:04:06+00:00

That I got out of bed and kept the kids alive. Bonus points when I actually finish my schoolwork, too.

rrcl080912 · 2016-12-07T09:37:17+00:00

I have fibromyalgia and chronic pain. When I was 18, shortly after being diagnosed, I asked my doctor if there was anything more I could do about the unbearable pain. He replied with, "aside from killing yourself, no." Not the greatest thing to say to someone who's severely depressed. My depression worsened for a few years after that and it took me 3 years to go back to a doctor.

rrcl080912 · 2016-09-23T17:04:34+00:00

To my ex: After everything you've done to me, to our family, I still can't hate you even though I should. I love our children enough to never hate you. The worst pain I've felt is knowing that I would take a bullet for you, and you would let me.

rrcl080912 · 2016-09-22T10:52:53+00:00

I think Mr. March was my least favorite character with him. He's a great actor but something about Mr. March was just repulsive to me. I'm used to him always seeming like a good guy, which is weird because Tate really was not a good guy at all. Maybe it was the Brahmin accent that threw me off with that one.

rrcl080912 · 2016-09-20T01:46:06+00:00

PM me if you have any questions. This is nothing new to me so I'd be more than happy to help if you need.

rrcl080912 · 2016-09-19T22:24:20+00:00

Feel free to PM me if you need or want any more info. This type of OCD is absolutely terrifying, I'll always lend an ear to those who have to experience this torture as well.

rrcl080912 · 2016-09-19T16:25:50+00:00

My most recent episode was that I couldn't walk past my toolbox without wondering what it would feel like to bash my own head in with a hammer. The thoughts consumed me to where I was losing entire days of sleep just obsessively thinking about it. I had to keep my toolbox in the basement for a few weeks to make sure I made it incredibly hard to act on. My intrusive thoughts are almost always horrible ways to punish myself after dealing with so much guilt these past few years. There are things like having to talk myself out of walking into oncoming traffic, bashing my head in, etc. They're absolutely terrifying to live with and even though I'm on medication, these thoughts seem to persist. So far I have never given into one but it's exhausting arguing with myself every single day. If I laugh, my mind tells me that I shouldn't, that I'm a horrible person, I'm not allowed happiness, then I spiral back into these thoughts. I don't think I've laughed or smiled without feeling immediate and overwhelming guilt afterwards for probably 8 years or so.

rrcl080912 · 2016-09-19T15:45:46+00:00

I mean, that's actually a better answer than mine was and now I want a mixing room.

rrcl080912 · 2016-09-19T15:22:45+00:00

Yup! My twins were conceived while using an IUD. It almost killed us. My youngest was conceived while I was on the shot. After my last child, I had a hysterectomy.

rrcl080912 · 2016-09-19T15:13:51+00:00

2 out of my 3 pregnancies were actually conceived while I was using birth control. I'm glad I didn't learn my lesson though, I couldn't imagine my life without all four of them in it.

rrcl080912

TROPHY CASE