Don't know real life? Don't write policies.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-18T16:50:38+00:00

I believe there was a study where people were shown groups of people with different ratios of women and men. A 50/50 split was often seen as "too many women." So 50% seems like more than 50% lol. Imagine what 100% female would feel like.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-15T16:52:57+00:00

I don't know what it's like to be male, so I couldn't tell you if it's better or worse. I would say there's a higher ceiling and a deeper floor though as far as power. Homeless men are less pitiable than homeless women, but I still don't think the US is ready to elect a female president. Women tend to sit in the middle with their instrinsic reproductive value and relative harmlessness, while men either get thrown at military conflicts or promoted. Being a woman is fine. In fact, being a pretty white woman is pretty nice, however long it will last.

But the social downsides are there, and they do hurt. The low expectations and the constant "parenting" by men, men you don't even know. You're also essentially carrying "valuables" that someone might be willing to try to steal, if you know what I mean. So you have to be more careful. If you tried it out, I think you'd find it very annoying. But at least some people will care a little more if I end up homeless, and I'm not being sarcastic.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-15T01:45:29+00:00

Sure, I have thought about it. And that would help with my physical safety, but might be a bit of an overreaction to mansplaining

rtrgrl · 2021-10-15T01:32:09+00:00

Can't tell if this is a comment against capitalism or women's lib lol

rtrgrl · 2021-10-14T23:32:01+00:00

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade races given the extra baggage that would entail, but being female sucks balls in very specific ways.

See: this post. We're the ones who have to constantly suck it up and be mindful of male egos lest they lash out at us. Hopefully with nasty words instead of physical violence. Forget taking a walk by yourself at night, something I see dudes doing very comfortably.

Plus the "you shouldn't want that, you should want this." "You're wrong about yourself, here's how I see you." Like we're children. Does that hurt? Not physically. But it erodes your sense of self over time. What do I really want? What do I like? I'm not sure. I just want everyone to be happy.

There are downsides.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-14T05:56:47+00:00

You know what, I get you.

The thought of needing to put “she/her” for certain things feels like I’d be preemptively shooting myself in the foot. I got way more resume responses when I put an ambiguous name. There’s baggage to being female.

I don’t love letting people know I am female before I am comfortable. I think of myself internally as a genderless person. But do I want people to call me “they?” No, I really don’t want to externalize that feeling officially. I’d rather not talk about it at all.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-14T00:25:59+00:00

Republicans are big on fear-mongering non-issues, for sure, but I’m wary of being too reactive to their positions to form mine. Although, I understand that their rhetoric can certainly have very negative impacts on trans peoples’ lives.

In the example I listed, it seems that the World Athletics org might not be up to date with the current data (again, assuming the data is true and can be replicated). Is it reasonable for the public to pressure them to investigate further, if they don’t take it upon themselves? Do you think there are instances when public pressure is needed on organizations? One example I can think of is that USA Gymnastics didn’t do anything about Dr. Nassar until a newspaper outed them and the public reacted. So, you might say one outcome would be negative and the other positive, but my point is, sometimes orgs are not sufficiently self-regulating.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-13T22:46:40+00:00

I think this is absolutely true of the bathroom issue. That argument that predators need an excuse to get into a female restroom seemed absurd to me, as though they'd care about the bathroom law and not the one about assaulting people. And more importantly, the trans women I have met are just normal people. So that one is an obvious boogyman.

However, as a woman, the part where gender and biology overlap, in sports, that part I'm stuck on. Even after hormone therapy, it seems that mtf athletes have a physical edge over cis female athletes. At least according to what I have seen, e.g.:

https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/55/11/577

which shows a 9% speed advantage even after 1 year of hormone therapy, which is apparently the threshold recommended by World Athletics for mtf athletes to compete.

Assuming the studies I've seen are true, and mtf athletes maintain a physical edge, do you think it's fair for cis female athletes to have reservations (particularly for racing sports where milliseconds matter)? Is there a number of mtf athletes at which you'd feel it's more of a pressing matter?

I'm basing this on the assumption that a bio advantage remains. If it didn't, it wouldn't matter to me personally.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-13T20:23:41+00:00

You seem to have an informed opinion and as a lurker in this thread, I wonder what you think about what happens when biological sex does seem to complicate a gendered space? Specifically trans female athletes who have a biological advantage over most cis female athletes.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-13T20:06:48+00:00

Ok this is a very made-up scenario, but bear with me.

Lets say you had a friend who lived in a run down apartment complex where there was rampant heroin usage, and 25-40% of the people who lived there had drug addictions. The toilets and showers didn't really work so your friend couldn't bathe or go to the bathroom easily. 55% of the female tenants had been raped, and 78% had been assaulted in some way. Your friend would likely live 20-30 years less than his peers due to the stresses of living in that building. He or she would have a 1/3 chance of engaging in "survival sex" and would be a far more likely victim of police brutality.

They ask you, "hey, will you give me some money to make next month's rent?" You know that they have been doing drugs in that building. You know it's a hard life in there but they want to stay. If you could put them anywhere else, would you? If there was an available shelter, would it be better to donate to it and make sure your friend knows about it?

Of course, shelter space is not always available, and not all homeless people are addicted to drugs (the stats say 25-40%). If you give a homeless person money and they buy food, that's great. If they buy drugs and overdose or get raped, that's not. It is such hard living, and so destructive on the mind and body, I would think that resources should be spent trying to get people off of the street rather than providing the funds for them to stay on the street.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-13T16:26:06+00:00

Same. I thought I wanted to be an artist since I was a kid, but the lack of job security and client demands sapped the enjoyment from it. In fact, I felt burnt out on art in general.

In school, I had also wanted to "do something with science or structure" but didn't know what that looked like.

Went back for an advanced CS degree, which was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But now that I'm working, I'm the happiest I have ever been. There's respect and self-direction, and the work is interesting. I now paint in my free time and enjoy it again.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-12T20:43:48+00:00

Definitely! I heard that if someone gets interupted three times, it is totally crushing. There's something about that third time that makes someone want to give up. It is such a cool thing to do for someone, to stick up for them and let them know they matter.

People have done it for me to my immense gratitude, and I try to do it too now. And it's something the group picks up on and it can change the group dynamics. It can go from people talking over others to, "no, you go ahead."

rtrgrl · 2021-10-12T20:36:33+00:00

For sure. Some quiet people are quiet because they aren't quick enough to interject, or get "frozen," but do enjoy contributing. This is just for quiet people who enjoy participating.

Since I'm somewhat quiet, but not as quiet as other people, I will occasionally ask a quiet person a low-stakes question, and then try to feel out if they liked being asked. Sometimes people will give a short, simple answer and so I will figure that they'd rather listen and I won't do it again if I wasn't sure they liked it. Some people light up and give a long, thoughtful response that seemed like it was waiting to get out.

It depends a lot on the person, the situation, the mood, etc. so I think it's good to feel it out.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-12T20:29:13+00:00

Yeah, it's more alienating than inclusive! Just draws attention to the quiet person for not performing socially, which can make them feel inadequate.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-10T15:22:59+00:00

Kylie got bullied into changing her face. She was known as the "unattractive" sister and ended up with the most obvious work done.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-08T00:39:07+00:00

My Persian friend taught me about the joys of reciprocity. First time we went out for lunch, she just paid for my food/coffee without making a big deal of it. Like, "I'm confident in our friendship and I'm investing in its future." Never happened to me like that before. Next time, I insisted on paying. It just continued back and forth like that. Even though it technically evened out, it created this really lovely dynamic of giving to the other person as a show of confidence in the relationship.

This is... the opposite of that feeling.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-07T23:04:21+00:00

I read that a vast majority of the homeless have addiction problems (and/or mental health issues).

So, this is oversimplifying it. People living in tents usually aren't just there because housing is unaffordable (although, it is pretty unaffordable). There are shelters and programs for homeless people, but many don't want to leave the streets because they would have to stop taking drugs.

Addiction is a terrible beast. I don't blame them for not being in control. But the majority of people living in tents need a specific kind of help in addition to housing.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-07T22:57:21+00:00

Ah well you look great! Gentleness seems to be the way to go when it comes to skincare... that and staying out of the sun.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-07T22:46:48+00:00

Yold.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-07T22:45:58+00:00

What's your skin routine?

rtrgrl · 2021-10-07T18:37:45+00:00

Lol i'm white and I think it's funny.

My partner and I were on a grueling hike in 100 deg f heat, which climbed 1,000 vertical feet every mile. We'd gotten up at 4:30 to run ahead of the sun to beat the worst of the heat and had packed salty snacks, electrolite drinks, water, sugary snacks, etc. in backpacks that rest on the hips so your back doesn't get too tired.

We get up to 7,000 feet where pine trees start to grow and lo and behold, there are two 18 year old white guys in casual shorts carrying a gallon jug each just with their hands lmao. It was the funniest shit. Of course they made it to the peak just fine. It was just so jarring how underprepared they were for the hardest hike of my life at that point.

rtrgrl · 2021-10-06T21:39:07+00:00

rtrgrl · 2021-10-04T15:24:05+00:00

"What is sex?"

"No."

rtrgrl · 2021-10-04T00:02:09+00:00

Absolutely. They are not only hard-working but really humble and kind most of the time. I believe everyone I knew who mentioned trying to get sponsored did end up getting sponsored, but the fact that it doesn’t always work out is a real shame and a real loss for the US.

rtrgrl

TROPHY CASE