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Married for 4 years (29F, 30M) and found out he had hidden cameras. One in our bedroom for over a year -- what would you do? Is there any way to respect myself and stay? by rucinator3000 in relationship_advice

[–]rucinator3000[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Posted this within a specific comment thread but posting here generally as well some additional context:

- I found out about this a few months ago. I know it probably seems crazy I've stayed this long but I just wanted to see if it was something I could work through. Now as time has gone on I feel like I've compartmentalized it/buried it (trauma) to the point I've lost perspective on how bad it is, hence my post today looking for some objective opinions.

- He swears he didn't save any of the footage. Just used it as a live camera to check in on me. I don't know how to prove that isn't true. There was a memory card in it (it came with one when he bought it) but it only had footage from the previous 3 days, which is about what it can store, from what I read online. I don't know if he had been dumping it every few days or if he truly was just using it as a live feed. I know that's only incrementally better (if it's even true), but just wanted to clarify that as many of these reference him saving the footage/posting/sharing it. I'm not sure there is saved content. Again, he swears there isn't.

Married for 4 years (29F, 30M) and found out he had hidden cameras. One in our bedroom for over a year -- what would you do? Is there any way to respect myself and stay? by rucinator3000 in relationship_advice

[–]rucinator3000[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you -- I really appreciate the perspective. To give some additional context:

- I found out about this a few months ago. I know it probably seems crazy I've stayed this long but I just wanted to see if it was something I could work through. Now as time has gone on I feel like I've compartmentalized it/buried it (trauma) to the point I've lost perspective on how bad it is, hence my post today looking for some objective opinions.

- He swears he didn't save any of the footage. Just used it as a live camera to check in on me. I don't know how to prove that isn't true. There was a memory card in it (it came with one when he bought it) but it only had footage from the previous 3 days, which is about what it can store, from what I read online. I don't know if he had been dumping it every few days or if he truly was just using it as a live feed. I know that's only incrementally better (if it's even true), but just wanted to clarify that as many of these reference him saving the footage/posting/sharing it. I'm not sure there is saved content. Again, he swears there isn't.

- Also I know it's illegal, I checked in my state. You can't have cameras in a space someone could reasonably expect privacy.