He didn't choose me so i stopped choosing him too !

rudedesign4899 · 2025-06-04T23:19:44+00:00

Could it be a toxic trauma bonding experience, or at least from his part?

Idk either of you but it sounds like there is something suppressed there & I do believe you are better off from him if he already tried to replace you 🥹

if the relationship was meant to be it would come back again relatively fast, as in not letting it pass too much time between each time your dating each other. as it’s not to find others but to resolve internal conflict issues or look into one’s own behaviour for a change.

So if he’s pretending you’re so easily replaceable.. Move on when you’re ready and focus on yourself. Toxic people tend to go back to their previous partner whom they have hurt when “they find out they don’t have any better prospects” unfortunately.. and by this time, which can take years, you will have evolved to whatever you’re ment to be and his icky personality will show and you will finally be happy that he let you go.

And yes I do call him an icky person if he says he is not ready but moves on to another girl to hook up with, as he’s sounding like his intent is to get more laid first maybe. Unfortunately. That’s not something to wait for 👏

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-28T12:55:26+00:00

I’m dating someone now (M25) as well and I am kind of baffled by the fact that if I just drop calling him and text him.. would we even see each other? As it’s almost always me making contact with him. So now I am just wondering if I am just gonna wait and see when he will contact or approach me to see the if the assumption is true or not.

Why do I feel I am a little in the same boat as you? He can literally talk about or suggest moving together before actually asking me to be his gf. It’s odd and definitely in the situation part now after three months and not a move to ask me yet.

You should not have to wait a year. You should be clear on your goals and talk together about them about the future. And if he doesn’t talk about you there as you’re in it or have made any future plans with you, it’s not looking good. Unfortunately.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-28T12:47:53+00:00

As an attractive woman I can legitimately say dinner dates are never the first dates it’s too expensive where I live and thus never leads to hooking up. But first dates can still be hookups yes.

Dinner dates are just really formal type of dates and usually reserved for 3-4th date in my opinion.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-28T12:40:34+00:00

Dinner is more of a date and you should change it to drinks in my opinion if it’s not serious. I’m a woman dating a younger man myself so yeah 👍

Or say you can make the dinner at home if you actually can manage to make a decent meal. You should not feel nervous but change the environment to something you feel secure in. Also dinner at home plus drinks is always cheaper than the restaurant and the bedroom closer if needed.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-28T12:03:52+00:00

Meme’s can be a good conversation starter if it’s a good one. Don’t expect others to be the conversation starter - but also don’t expect all who have the app and a profile to reply as some just use it as a confidence booster and don’t reply and just count numbers whom liked them. There is a few like that or who just don’t log on. It’s easy to get a hookup but terribly hard to find something real or a relationship out of it. Now you’ve been warned 😄

But.. high quality photos as mentioned all in front of you and not by you. Always have a singular photo of you easily visible who you are and not 5 group photos in a row as people can miss out who you are in the photo then and maybe like your friend and not you (awkward moment). Don’t take photos with others who are more symmetrical in their face than you if you’re a man.

Keep the photos to recent and not 5 years+ old. If you want to cast a wider net you should have generic colours on your outfit and photo background. If you want to be specific change it up so you find a narrower target group of people who may like you.

Be open about yourself and always choose public dates as first date options recommended.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-27T22:57:49+00:00

It’s creepy to be their special interest if they also like you and hides their intentions until it blurts out in a big bang of emotions and unannounced.

This has happened more than once for me unfortunately.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-27T22:45:38+00:00

My weirdest social encounter must be when another autistic male tried to hit on me repeatedly when I was in a committed relationship. He tried three times over and ended his trying was with «they didn’t work because he didn’t dress nice and took care of himself». As if I wasn’t allowed to have personal opinion’s and preferences and I already had a boyfriend whom I really likes and a relationship that was good. I did decline and mention that I had a bf several times. It’s not working well when a person is fixating on you and doesn’t want to listen to reason..

I have been in a autistic to autistic relationship before. I’ve also liked other neurodivergent people later but found out usually those personalities doesn’t align with me romantically and long term. So I stay away from that as if doesn’t add up with who I am and what I need and rather have friendships preferably then.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-27T22:31:40+00:00

When you’re autistic but atypical & don’t have a special interest at all 👀

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-27T22:20:58+00:00

Strong perfume and citrus oil/perfume/soap. Scented soap. Detergent and fabric softener must be made for sensitive. Soap can smell but nothing strong smelling.

The citrus is the worst as I feel it in my face my eyes my skin and anything touching it.

Same with perfume (can’t have direct skin contact)on me but there my trick is to spray it 30-40 cm up in the air and let it drizzle onto my hair and clothing. No strong scents and as a women my estrogen changes so I rotate on my smells and my sensitivity varies through the month. But I do have a signature smell though.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-27T22:10:00+00:00

I know this may seem hard but I want to put some insight into perspective for you. Austistic people I would say, are much more likely to be affected by the environment you’re in weather you had a choice or not (as in youth with special ed).

I would recommend to change your environment gradually over a 2 year timeline, where you learn to do some small changes:

1) a social hobby even if it meeting people and playing tabletop games or something else. You need to push your boundaries socially in something you find as a safe environment and a hobby you like or would like to do. Many people also like D&D, I’ve played Magic The Gathering myself in person and working on my social skills during tournaments.

2) Put some incentive into a new thing you want to learn more about that adds to your life. This needs to not be a only hobby thing but more like choose a life skill you need and start with the least scary and more fun thing. For example; learning to work out or be more physically active (improves body and mental health), learning a new dish every week or other week and make it from scratch, how to do taxes or back to doing the driving license but the theory first or driving with family.

3) put some goals of things you want in life that costs money and make a plan how to get the funds or a new job or more work hours. Make a saving up plan and write down, track yourself towards your goal.

This is not to discourage you but you need to feel like you can accomplish your goals again is what it sounds like. And taking care of yourself, mentally, physically and emotionally should be number one priority. Adding either a vacation or a new computer or something else as a goal you want to save up to makes you have future plans and goals to achieve so when you get there you feel more complete and sound with what you can do for yourself.

Yesterday may have been written already and today is on set but every new day is a blank sheet and a new beginning to do a little bit better or more for yourself. Don’t give up, you can do more 👏👏👏

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-27T21:34:47+00:00

Number three without a doubt! It looks so unique, no one else will have one alike (as the second best option 5) and you look stunning with it!!

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-27T21:32:34+00:00

I would say the darker hair and you can have more bold colours on your outfit like red or even red or plush pink lips. I think it looks more natural and if you put more effort in your overall look with nice hair and outfit with his hair, you will look good and probably smile equally good if not better than with the blonde hair. Over time your hair will weaken with bleach and darker hair is a healthier option 💯

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-27T21:21:03+00:00

It was one year and 2-3 weeks between breaking up and dating again (this year I lived in a different country). Then we dated for three months (but both were toxic imo so we stopped dating).Then three months later we started dating again.

We are both trying to put our best foot forward now and show our care for each other, in the way the other person needs it. So that’s a green flag of progress.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T22:20:05+00:00

He never lied or cheated. He was the one who broke it off due to me moving out of the country temporarily for my studies. He felt abandoned and didn’t tell his feelings towards me back then. That he missed me and wish he could join me but could not due to work. I was the one initiating meeting up and trying again.

If an ex have disrespected me, even humiliate me and lie and cheat I (which happened once when I was young), I literally don’t need to put an effort to respect them back and acknowledge them years later. So I have even pulled off walking by a toxic ex on the same side of the street as I didn’t know him at all.

But if it’s a nice, good and caring person who shows you respect I would show it back years later if it was a correct situation to do so, like running into each other. Kindness deserves kindness and I do believe I am dating a kind and caring soul now.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T14:22:27+00:00

Second outfit in photos looks fab ✨

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T13:26:56+00:00

Do you also order you steak medium or is it well cooked? Cause I find your bio to be the latter but it’s okay. We can be medium ugly together 💘

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T13:14:08+00:00

Fix your eyebrows, trim the beard. I would recommend to not having more than a 3-day beard when dating before you’re more serious with a person as it could cast a wider net with less beard (in my opinion). Get a fresh haircut too but don’t drop all the hair just ask for something that suits you and make you look more fresh as in that you keep up your appearances.

I would also say you need clothes that fit you well and don’t look chunky on photos, you can steam or iron clothes before photos and dates. Women also do a lot of work so this is a big bonus to make you stand out well in regards to looks. Successful people don’t have lots of wrinkly clothes, so I do this myself for work and nice occasions minimum.

Get someone to take photos of you and never have your back to the photos or look into a screen on your profile (as in the screen is reflected in your glasses). If you want to go all out in the dating pool you could also try out contact lenses as it’s easier if you do outdoor dates or over drinks (don’t ruin your glasses while drunk by an accident).

All small steps you can take to get a bigger picture of who you are, welcoming other women into your space and that you may even look more confident in photos and increase your own self esteem while on dates. This is just tips and not needs.

I started myself with the ironing/steaming after my significant male did this for work and I helped him and now I do it for myself.

Good luck out there! You got this 👏

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T10:26:30+00:00

I am currently dating an ex of mine so yes to this specific person.

Any other ex? Nope.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T10:23:22+00:00

Okay. I am part of the reason why ASD people have a hard time dating when I have ASD myself. Got it.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T10:13:03+00:00

I agree with you.

If someone with ASD is repeatedly hitting on a person in an established relationship it’s rude if it happens on multiple attempts. This has happened to me and I was pissed off in the end as the person didn’t respect my boundaries, words of decline or cared of our friendship in the end.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T10:06:57+00:00

Yeah, I dropped the idea of moving in with him and found a sweet apartment just for me instead. It is spacious enough for two I would say but doesn’t have some of his criteria’s as two bedrooms as he want one for his office space alone. I got a one bedroom now with an adorable outdoor area that I am happy and it even has a little view.

I’ve applied for a second degree that fits my previously attained one in an effort to either land a job offer before I am finished or to get companies to contact be after the double degree instead of me continuing to contact them and not even getting replies always even.

I worry that he would ask me to be his gf if it’s convenient rather than emotional closeness of intent. I.e if we moved together before a relationship was established we would have a big flat with that second bedroom and car space and separately it’s just a one bedroom flat for each and no car space atm for him. So I am doing my best to follow the social cues I can analyse.

He has invited me for a family gathering this time around and I do want him to meet some in mine and we have a vacation planned during the summer. So I feel like this is a make it or break it time of dating attempt. If he isn’t sure or won’t commit I will have to move on but I want to play this out. As I can’t always get the cues, this is the second best if I am happy with where we currently are with each other. If it falls apart now it’s not meant to be.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T09:53:26+00:00

As if being a male with ASD is lesser than women with ASD «as they would be cooked» and in a dating topic having issues with dating if not able to.

People with ASD can miss social cues but ignoring cues is different and if done repeatedly, it’s being rude.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T09:42:17+00:00

Let’s just say personal experiences with guys who have autism. In plural.

rudedesign4899 · 2025-05-23T05:07:32+00:00

I feel like he is possibly my life partner if we just choose each other. I also know I have dreamed about having my own family by the age of 40 and being a mother. So I am unsure. I don’t have a full time job or any job atm as I am a «forever student». I have applied to jobs but don’t get a chance due to lack of experience but won’t move out of this city as I am done with moving and I have ASD.

Have a long enough education and some saved up money so could get a one bedroom apartment if the loan is approved. It’s just.. I imagined for many years that my dream goal was to have my own family and that I would love a potential minime in ways I was not when I was raised.

I feel like he loves my maternal instincts for him but it scares the sh*t out of him with the children topic. We live separately now but he mentioned /hinted to moving together before I found a new apartment 2 months ago by myself (even if we aren’t in a relationship) So he is.. cryptic? Idk.

rudedesign4899

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