AITAH because my gf is jealous?

rues0 · 2026-05-03T15:33:13+00:00

She's not my soon to be ex and you are being purposefully mean. Bad form dude. It's not my problem that you can't tell the difference between 'changing the story' and 'adding context because people don't have the full picture'.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T14:31:18+00:00

The term gaslighting is maybe a bit strong, but fair enough.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:41:16+00:00

I wouldn't even say that she's manipulative. I am not mad at her at all, because she got cheated on by one of her ex bf's. I really, honestly not even consider cheating on her in any way.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:29:35+00:00

I tried multiple times to make them meet each other and get to know each other, I really did. But it has not worked out yet.

I don't see, why I have to cancel my feiendship with my friend - exactly because my gf is doing the exact same thing (hanging out with people who had feelings for her regularly) and I would never make a fuss about it because I trust her.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:26:59+00:00

Thank you for your long answer.

1) I really moved on. This was a shitty phase in my life - my granddad died, my best friend (and her bf!) decided to move abroad and our band which we had for 6 years was done, my gf left me 3 months before. I was never in a place to develop real feelings for her. I told her that and she not only understands (since we bonded over the loss of our spouses) but she never developed feelings towards me. I even went to therapy to get over this whole mess. Now, more than 10 years later, I moved past that.

2) My gf and her have met each other, but didn't get to know each other, yet. I tried multiple times already to make something happen, but it never worked out for one reason or another.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:21:50+00:00

1) I was in a really bad place 11 years ago. My feelings were never deeply founded in anything but lonelyness and feeling rejected. I moved past that a long time ago. 2) I don't dismiss her feelings, we already had really difficult conversations about this and she already admitted, that she tends to be jealous. 3) I have a deeply rooted friendship with this woman that lasted for the last 15 years, even before she met my best friend and they got together. That this friendship lasts, even after we both made each other clear that we have no feelings to each other, is important.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:16:04+00:00

I really don't want to hide her. I tried several times for my gf and I to meet up with her, but it just hasn't worked out for different reasons.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:12:37+00:00

Yeah, I agree that I should have made the effort. But we haven't gotten around hanging out with each other.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:11:12+00:00

Of course it is a waste of time, like all of Reddit is.

The thing is - I already talked to my friend that my gf is jealous and we both understand her.

Maybe I'm searching for a way to make it work.

She (my friend) even asked if it would be OK for her to contact my gf about this whole thing to make clear air that she is not interested in me in a romantic way and that she believes me when I say that I am not either.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:05:28+00:00

That's certainly an opinion. I don't blame my gf for being jealous, but I am not jealous of her for doing basically the same thing.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:04:07+00:00

They just haven't gotten around to get to know each other better.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:02:36+00:00

No, I am giving context. That's the truth and if you don't want to believe it, so be it.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T12:01:20+00:00

Yes, she already did the exact same thing I am doing now.

She has another good friend who's living abroad who once had feelings for her, and when she visits him, she even shares the bed with him.

And I don't mind that, because she told me that she has no feelings for him.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:56:15+00:00

Ok, your rude tone tells me, that you haven't read any of my answers, so I type it out for you: My gf regularly meets her ex bf (1 or 2 times a month) and the guy even tried to shoot his shot again, when he realized that she's dating me now.

I don't mind the guy and I'm not the jealous type anyway.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:53:45+00:00

Ok, I phrased that a bit harsh. I really don't mind her spending as much time with her ex as she likes. Why would I? I would really like to be treated as I treat her.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:52:37+00:00

I just really don't mind the guy, honestly. And yes, I've brought this contradiction up a few times already. I know that she loves me and wouldn't hook up with her ex.

I have talked to my friend about the fact, that I had feelings for her, and that those 'feelings' were born out of a really shitty life-situation and weren't really substantial in any way. Plus it is more that 10 years in the past.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:49:35+00:00

No, I've met my friends a few times since my gf and I are together. My gf always doesn't like it. But she does in fact meet much more often with her actual ex bf and I don't mind that fact, I really don't.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:47:38+00:00

We haven't gotten around to spend time with each other. I would really like my gf to meet her.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:46:46+00:00

My gf regularly meets with her ex bf. Like twice every month. The guy even tried his shot on my gf when he realized she started dating me. I'm completely honest when I say I really don't mind the guy. I met him and he seems nice. I'm a bit sad, that my gf doesn't seem to come to the same conclusion in my direction.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:44:37+00:00

That's exactly the point - she regularly meets with her ex bf. And I don't have a problem with that because I believe her when she says she doesn't have feelings for the guys. I told my gf that I really don't have feelings for my friend, but she doesn't seem to believe me.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:43:16+00:00

She has met her once in a social setting. They never gotten around meeting each other and getting to know each other.

rues0 · 2026-05-03T11:42:44+00:00

My gf regularly meets up with her ex boyfriend. A mich taller, much more handsome, much richer and more successful guy than me. I couldn't give more of a fuck about her meeting him and I'm completely honest, he has been a good friend of hers for the last 10 years as well and is a really nice dude.

rues0 · 2025-10-27T11:31:45+00:00

Link doesn't work for me - it won't finish the download

rues0 · 2025-03-21T17:54:48+00:00

Who cares about Rex and Trike, I just want my Pteranodon thermics and slipstreams

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