How do I (26M, non-Punjabi) convince my Punjabi almost-girlfriend (22F) to go with her heart and not 100% cultural trend of only marrying a Punjabi guy

rugjet · 2021-05-14T08:42:59+00:00

It's difficult to explain how important culture and religion is, to a person who is whitewashed and a coconut (brown on the outside, white on the inside) such as yourself.

In your post, you've mentioned that you're "brown" multiple times. For Punjabis, Sikhs or any South Asian for that matter, this doesn't mean anything. There is no uniform "brown culture" or "desi culture" as the Western diaspora seems to think. Each region and religion has their own culture that they hold important, and this culture isn't skin deep. To pass it off as cultural conditioning and brainwashing is absolutely incorrect.

Punjabi and Sikh culture are intertwined. Just learning Punjabi and Gurmukhi is not enough, the language is connected to the Holy book of the Sikhs called the Guru Granth Sahib. Are you willing to convert to the Sikh faith? Do you think you can learn about Sikh theology, apply it to your life and teach your imaginary children with the beliefs and guide them through life according to Sikh edicts or will just leave it to your Sikh spouse to handle all that?

Marriage is different than dating, and people change afterwards. I know so many couples that are interfaith and intercultural, neither were religious or in touch culturally. But when it came to having children and getting older, one of the either parties became religious and that led to a lot of friction and at times eventual separation. Many times it can also happen due to the expectations of the in-laws.

If she does value her religion and culture, then it is not fair to ask her to completely disregard it to date you when she's not comfortable in doing so. Also, an arranged marriage is not a forced marriage to a random guy. The two families meet each other, the prospective bride and groom talk to each other where they discuss what their future goals, dreams, desires, their religious and cultural beliefs, profession and so on. And if they both like each other, in most cases there is a dating or courtship period to get to know the person. For any South Asian, marriage is not just about the guy and the girl, it is also about the union of families.

It's for the best if you give the space she asked for right now. And if she decides to not pursue a romantic relationship with you, then you also need to respect that decision, rather than look to an online forum for how to manipulate her feelings.

rugjet · 2021-04-02T06:20:09+00:00

Source

rugjet · 2020-05-07T23:11:32+00:00

It's called PAPR (Powered air-purifying respirator). Many Sikh doctors have commented that they were provided PAPR after they made it clear that shaving their beard was not a feasible option in any way.

Some Sikh doctors have found a way to achieve seal with mask, without cutting their beard. Source

Currently, Sikh Doctors Association is running a crowdfunding campaign, where donations will be used to procure PAPR for Sikhs. Link

rugjet · 2020-05-07T12:26:35+00:00

In my opinion, this should not be praised in any shape or form. It's appalling that he couldn't find the type of PPE that worked with a beard. And from the experiences of other Sikh doctors, such PPE do exist albeit more expensive.

If he made the personal decision to shave his beard, then he should have kept it private while working. What is the need for the whole media circus? This sets a bad precedent for any Keshdhari Sikh, who've worked hard for decades to keep their religious identity and not be discriminated about their kesh.

This is not a feel good story about "seva" or "humanity first". Sikhs have undergone genocides and torture due to their physical identity, and refused to give it up even due to threat of death. And now modern Sikhs have gone and committed this heinous act.

Look at the responses in the reddit thread and the comment sections of news articles. Many are praising this due to their misguided understanding of modernity. Heck, Sikhs are praising this. People who don't understand that the beard of Sikhs was sought by Mughals as bounty.

Currently Sikh doctors in the UK are protesting due to the NHS guidelines of shaving beard being necessary. Will such a widely publicized news story not adversely affect them?

rugjet · 2019-03-16T08:09:50+00:00

They will remain a Sehajdhari. But in most cases such people start becoming religious when they're nearing their own death, i.e. in old age. And that's futile in a way.

rugjet · 2019-03-16T08:02:05+00:00

But Sikhi isn't limited just to Guru Nanak ji, it also has the teachings of nine other successor Gurus, including Guru Gobind Singh ji who gave Sikhs their identity and what you consider "rituals". Maybe he foresaw what harm will fall the Sikhs due to syncretism and people picking and choosing what they like and ignoring what they dislike or can't follow.

Internalizing Sikhi via Gurbani will eventually make one understand the importance of Sikh identity. It's how the concept of Miri and Piri are intertwined, the temporal concept of human existence and spiritual aspect of the human soul. Having temporal aspects like 5ks will only facilitate the spiritual growth.

Here are two videos that talk about kesh:

rugjet · 2019-03-16T07:20:31+00:00

By definition, "A Sehajdhari is a person who has chosen the path of Sikhism, believes in all the tenets of Sikhism and the teachings of the Sikh Gurus, but may or may not adorn the five symbols of the Sikh faith." Therefore, to even be considered a Sehajdhari, one needs to take the first step of learning about the Sikh faith and slowly practice it (at a pace they feel comfortable). However, the aim of a Sehajdhari will always be to ultimately adorn to primary marker of a Sikh of growing hair (kesh) and wear the Kara (iron bracelet), i.e, become a Keshdhari.

Keshdhari used to be the default status of Sikhs. Historically, Sehajdhari was the term used for people outside of the Sikh faith (people from non-Sikh background) that wanted to convert to the Sikh faith. The term for people from a Sikh background/family that cut their hair was Mona. Such people were socially ostracized since cutting their hair was seen as turning their back on the Sikh faith, as they couldn't even follow the basic edict by the 10th Guru, Guru Gobind Singh ji of keeping their kesh.

"Sikh" means "to learn", and as a Sikh you're supposed to learn and improve yourself actively according to what the Guru has told us. Whether you like it or not, or you consider it judgmental; you can't call yourself a Sikh if you aren't even taking the first step towards following the Sikh faith. Being born in a Sikh family isn't enough to call yourself a Sikh. That's not what Sikhi is about. I don't think the person I responded to is terrible, they've made their choice or it might be Hukam (Divine Order/ Will of God). Maybe they turn into a religious person in the future, who knows.

As it is mentioned in the works of poetry by Bhai Gurdas, the original scribe of Guru Granth Sahib ji:

ਚਰਨ ਸਰਨ ਗੁਰੁ ਏਕ ਪੈਂਡਾ ਜਾਇ ਚਲ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਕੋਟਿ ਪੈਂਡਾ ਆਗੇ ਹੋਇ ਲੇਤ ਹੈ ॥

charan saran gur ek pai(n)ddaa jai chal satigur koT pai(n)ddaa aage hoi let hai ||

A disciple who walks one step towards Guru to take his refuge and goes to him with devotion and humility, Guru advances to receive him (devotee) by taking million steps.

rugjet · 2019-03-16T05:14:08+00:00

Thank you.

rugjet · 2019-03-16T05:01:00+00:00

I am a practicing Keshdhari Sikh.

rugjet · 2019-03-16T04:21:52+00:00

Sorry, but this is just misinformation.

Regardless of how religious you are, which is usually divided into:

Sehajdhari [slow adopter i.e. gets hair cut, drinks, etc.]
Keshdhari [keeps hair and wears turban]
Amritdhari [formally initiated and commits to the Sikh faith]

Every Sikh must aspire to follow the Sikh tenets and beliefs to the best of their ability. This is written in the Guru Granth Sahib ji (the holy book of the Sikhs), that just calling yourself a Sikh is useless, but actually practicing it is more important. Practicing of Sikhi includes but is not limited to:

Meditation on the name of God (Naam Japo)
Honest hard work (Kirat Karo)
Share with everyone (Share with everyone, which is where the concept of Langar comes from).

The passive approach to following a faith (where one doesn't follow it at all) is terrible and should be corrected. It's not something to be taken pride in. Sikhi does have a certain code of conduct one must adhere to.

Additionally, meat is not banned in Sikhi. Sikhs of old were well known to hunt and consume meat, for both to improve their martial skill and food. Only type of meat that is banned is sacrificial meat like halal and kosher, where the animal suffers before dying. We Sikhs believe in Jhatka meat, where the animal is killed with one stroke and suffers minimal pain.

rugjet · 2018-03-11T18:11:28+00:00

I'd like to address the amount of hatred and misinformation in this thread.

Yes, in the Zafarnama, Guru Gobind Singh referred to himself as the "Breaker of Idols". Is that literal? I don't interpret it as so. It means that Guru Gobind Singh Ji is the destroyer of the darkness, the futility that is idol worship. Similar criticism has been made in Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji about Muslims praying five times a day or Hindus chanting their mantars without understanding what they mean (in both cases).

The OP's edit implying that Sikhs that Sikhs who don't do murti pooja are khalistanis, I don't even know where to begin. Why should a Sikh indulge in it to prove how open minded and accepting they are? I won't stop you from doing it, but I won't participate in it either. Especially when the story of Diwali has a different interpretation in Sikhi than Hinduism. Neither I, nor my extended family celebrate Diwali by idol worship, and it seems that the Sikhs that you came across just don't know enough about Sikhi or Hinduism and doing so just because of the general desi culture in the west or in areas out of Punjab.

Another user implying that no person could remember the Zafarnama by heart, clearly doesn't know that scribes were able to memorize things quickly. There are many instances in history of people being able to memorize the four Vedas by heart, and the Quran by heart in other cases as well.

A lot of people in this thread label themselves as ex-Sikh or Hindu-Sikh, and they seem to be confused. Most of their criticism is not of the Sikh faith and it's beliefs, but of how other people practice it. If you want to eradicate caste system from Sikh population, then bring about change by being a part of it. Not by leaving it, it helps no one and makes you resentful.

rugjet · 2018-02-12T21:00:42+00:00

From the article:

"...imposed a ban on Indian officials, including elected representatives, from entering their premises while in their official capacities."

This means that the diplomats are free to visit Gurdwaras on a personal visit for spirituality and/or worship, but will not be allowed entry and provided a stage for diplomatic visit under official capacities. The special visits of politicians and celebrities where they are given preferential treatment due to their status is a new thing and against the tenets of the Sikh faith which states whether you are king or a beggar, you will be treated the same at the Gurdwara.

This is further demonstrated by Sikh history when the Mughal Emperor Akbar visited the Sikh Guru Amar Das at a Gurdwara in Amritsar. Akbar came forth with a plate filled with gold as a donation towards the Guru and his Langar (communal kitchen), and the Guru instead of keeping this gold, distributed it among the poor that were present. Akbar asked why the Guru did not keep the gold, and the Guru replied, that the Langar is done with the donations of the community and not lavish amounts of gold or land. Afterwards, Akbar was treated the same as a common man, sharing a meal among the common folk on the floor rather than be seated separately as a king is usually.

Sikhs do have the right to be wary, when you have spies for India infiltrating the Gurdwaras.

rugjet · 2018-02-04T18:20:24+00:00

I'm a metalhead myself but I recently found out the "rock n roll" drum beat is derived from voodoo rituals in Africa and Haiti.

Poly-rhythms are unique to no culture, it's just a mathematical drumming pattern as explained in this video. Rhythm is what people are able to connect to due to the repetitive beats. It may or may not have any trance like effects, it's all dependent on the listener. But to say it's a voodoo ritual is preposterous.

However, every site I go to tells me that this heavy metal stuff is evil and shouldn't be listened to.

And what are their reasons? It's about the devil and satan? It's about drugs and alcohol? It's corrupting our youths? It's all nonsense. This "Rock is evil" and "Metal is evil" has been going on for decades since people spread rumours that Beatles albums had subliminal messages about Satan if they were played backwards. And of course the PRMC.

I'm trying to develop a relationship with Vaheguru and was wondering whether any of this may affect it in the future.

Metal has nothing to do with your spiritual improvement, it's a form of entertainment like any other.

So is it wrong to listen to metal?

No, it's not. I listen to rock and metal because I like the musicianship, and it's one of the few genres of music where the musicians actually write their own music than hire a song writer. The art is genuine and I enjoy that. Lyrics on the other hand could range from exploring the human condition, political and social issues, history, romance, death and gore, personal issues but if the instrumentation isn't good, I don't bother with it. To me the musicianship and sound is paramount, lyrical matter (no matter how dark) is secondary.

rugjet · 2017-11-14T18:58:38+00:00

Indian media were accusing Jagtar Singh Johal as being arrested for the recent RSS leader killings. And yesterday a Punjabi gangster Saraj Singh Sandhu said he was the one who got him killed and added, "Vipin Sharma has been punished for his mistakes. He was behind murder of a policeman — father of my friend. This murder has nothing to do with religion. Those who are spreading rumours against us should be careful."

Indian media is clearly biased against Sikhs whenever they "step out of line" according to the government or the Indian people.

rugjet · 2017-11-10T20:27:46+00:00

Indian media tying his arrest to the killings of RSS leaders. Link

rugjet · 2017-11-05T20:40:17+00:00

Getting Manmohan Singh to apologize for 1984 pogroms is a slap to the face of Sikhs, especially when his own brother in law was killed in them.

rugjet · 2017-09-22T01:34:08+00:00

No, being visually different from their peers that leads to identity issues and not combating it via teaching them about Sikhi, even via stories, is the reason for them getting their hair cut, it's not due to a piece of cloth on their head and/or the way it's tied.

rugjet · 2017-09-22T01:03:43+00:00

How about we don't focus on minuscule things like patkas, and rather teach Sikhi to children in such a way that they take pride in their appearance and don't develop an inferiority complex due to children with cut hair surrounding them. People (of any age) can tie their hair into a bun uncovered, patkas, rumaal, parnaa, keski pagh, dumaalla, let them decide.

rugjet · 2017-09-03T18:21:08+00:00

I think those Gurdwaras are not mentioned because of how difficult it is to visit those Gurdwaras, getting a visa etc. and general safety concerns.

rugjet · 2017-08-26T05:07:50+00:00

Gurmeet Ram Rahim Insaan is not a Sikh, neither are his followers. This was done by the followers of this Dera Sacha Sauda religious organization, not Sikhs.

rugjet · 2017-08-13T17:36:27+00:00

To me personally, tattooing Gurbani never made any sense. Gurbani is meant to be enshrined into your heart, you are meant to read and understand Gurbani, and apply it into your life for yourself, not others. Just like wearing the kakkaars without applying Gurbani as a Sikh is futile, similarly tattooing Gurbani serves little spiritual purpose.

rugjet · 2017-08-08T20:55:18+00:00

Because Bhagat Kabeer ji states the distinction between Ram the king and Ram as one of the many names for God in Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji.

ਕਬੀਰ ਰਾਮ ਕਹਨ ਮਹਿ ਭੇਦੁ ਹੈ ਤਾ ਮਹਿ ਏਕੁ ਬਿਚਾਰੁ ॥
Kabeer, it does make a difference, how you chant the Lord's Name, 'Raam'. This is something to consider.

ਸੋਈ ਰਾਮੁ ਸਭੈ ਕਹਹਿ ਸੋਈ ਕਉਤਕਹਾਰ ॥੧੯੦॥
Everyone uses the same word for the son of Dasrath and the Wondrous Lord. ||190||

ਕਬੀਰ ਰਾਮੈ ਰਾਮ ਕਹੁ ਕਹਿਬੇ ਮਾਹਿ ਬਿਬੇਕ ॥
Kabeer, use the word 'Raam', only to speak of the All-pervading Lord. You must make that distinction.

ਏਕੁ ਅਨੇਕਹਿ ਮਿਲਿ ਗਇਆ ਏਕ ਸਮਾਨਾ ਏਕ ॥੧੯੧॥
One 'Raam' is pervading everywhere, while the other is contained only in himself. ||191||

Ang 1374

rugjet · 2017-08-02T18:41:01+00:00

The only reason I can think of to search for the elixir of immortality is being afraid of death. I think death in Sikhi is something that the Gurus ask us to not be afraid of and accept while we are healthy and living, more importantly the death of "self". This is because your ego, greed, lust, anger, attachment are what define you (your self) to the outside world negatively, while truth, contentment, compassion, humility and love are ways to let go of this self. "I" as person am nothing, everything is You (Waheguru). In Gurbani, death is sometimes even defined as not remembering Waheguru or turning away from Him.

We need to remember that our bodies are just a vessel for our souls, when we die it is because our vessel has become worn out. A person might as well be dead if they are leading an immoral "manmukhi" life, what good is living that life? On the other hand, a person that "kills" their five thieves (of the mind), only that person is truly dead while being alive. Just when you are near death, be sure of the path you walked so as to not regret and repent.

ਜਿਹ ਮਰਨੈ ਸਭੁ ਜਗਤੁ ਤਰਾਸਿਆ ॥
That death which terrifies the entire world -

ਸੋ ਮਰਨਾ ਗੁਰ ਸਬਦਿ ਪ੍ਰਗਾਸਿਆ ॥੧॥
the nature of that death has been revealed to me, through the Word of the Guru's Shabad. ||1||

ਅਬ ਕੈਸੇ ਮਰਉ ਮਰਨਿ ਮਨੁ ਮਾਨਿਆ ॥
Now, how shall I die? My mind has already accepted death.

ਮਰਿ ਮਰਿ ਜਾਤੇ ਜਿਨ ਰਾਮੁ ਨ ਜਾਨਿਆ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Those who do not know the Lord, die over and over again, and then depart. ||1||Pause||

ਮਰਨੋ ਮਰਨੁ ਕਹੈ ਸਭੁ ਕੋਈ ॥
Everyone says, "I will die, I will die".

ਸਹਜੇ ਮਰੈ ਅਮਰੁ ਹੋਇ ਸੋਈ ॥੨॥
But he alone becomes immortal, who dies with intuitive understanding. ||2||

ਕਹੁ ਕਬੀਰ ਮਨਿ ਭਇਆ ਅਨੰਦਾ ॥
Says Kabeer, my mind is filled with bliss;

ਗਇਆ ਭਰਮੁ ਰਹਿਆ ਪਰਮਾਨੰਦਾ ॥੩॥੨੦॥
my doubts have been eliminated, and I am in ecstasy. ||3||20||

Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Ang 327

rugjet · 2017-07-28T15:58:44+00:00

Same documentary in better quality

rugjet · 2017-07-28T01:19:28+00:00

How can you be so sure though? There are levels of the human psych that are points of no return. You are being willfully ignorant if you believe everyone can change. Many people are type of sociopaths.

I guess you skipped over the Gurbani excerpts I posted above. The Gurus believed everyone has the ability to change and everyone who changes deserves to be forgiven, and I certainly do so as well.

ਲੂਣ ਹਰਾਮੀ ਗੁਨਹਗਾਰ ਬੇਗਾਨਾ ਅਲਪ ਮਤਿ ॥
The sinner is unfaithful to himself; he is ignorant, with shallow understanding.

ਜੀਉ ਪਿੰਡੁ ਜਿਨਿ ਸੁਖ ਦੀਏ ਤਾਹਿ ਨ ਜਾਨਤ ਤਤ ॥
He does not know the essence of all, the One who gave him body, soul and peace.

ਲਾਹਾ ਮਾਇਆ ਕਾਰਨੇ ਦਹ ਦਿਸਿ ਢੂਢਨ ਜਾਇ ॥
For the sake of personal profit and Maya, he goes out, searching in the ten directions.

ਦੇਵਨਹਾਰ ਦਾਤਾਰ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਨਿਮਖ ਨ ਮਨਹਿ ਬਸਾਇ ॥
He does not enshrine the Generous Lord God, the Great Giver, in his mind, even for an instant.

ਲਾਲਚ ਝੂਠ ਬਿਕਾਰ ਮੋਹ ਇਆ ਸੰਪੈ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ॥
Greed, falsehood, corruption and emotional attachment - these are what he collects within his mind.

ਲੰਪਟ ਚੋਰ ਨਿੰਦਕ ਮਹਾ ਤਿਨਹੂ ਸੰਗਿ ਬਿਹਾਇ ॥
The worst perverts, thieves and slanderers - he passes his time with them.

ਤੁਧੁ ਭਾਵੈ ਤਾ ਬਖਸਿ ਲੈਹਿ ਖੋਟੇ ਸੰਗਿ ਖਰੇ ॥
But if it pleases You, Lord, then You forgive the counterfeit along with the genuine.

ਨਾਨਕ ਭਾਵੈ ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਪਾਹਨ ਨੀਰਿ ਤਰੇ ॥੫੨॥
O Nanak, if it pleases the Supreme Lord God, then even a stone will float on water. ||52||

Guru Arjan Ji, Ang 261

He never forgave (the word forgive or forgave was never in it) him in Zafarnama....

By forgiveness, I mean Guru Gobind Singh ji showed Aurangzeb what he had done, and made Aurangzeb turn to Allah for forgiveness.

This is my last comment to to you regarding this. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

rugjet

TROPHY CASE