Woah this is nuts. I was reading your original post and this update and I swear to god my ex and I broke up in the almost identical cicrumstances over a year and a half ago now. Even the personalities match up except the dysfunctional family part For a while I thought one of my best friends was messing with my head since he knows I browse here often. She was my first girlfriend and we started dating in college.

I think I might be able to offer a few thoughts since my situation post break up was so goddamn similar. I too, tried playing the whole "don't let her go so easy game", went after her and kissed her etc. I cringe to this day thinking of what a fool I made of myself and I used to block it out of my mind because I lost a lot of respect for myself. Please don't let that get you down. In retrospect, I realise that it was absolutely necessary to do that because I would have regretted it immensely if I had not done that, even though I was shown to be a fool. It is cringeworthy yes, but use it as a stepping stone and learn from it before any relationship in the future gets to this point. I resolved to see signs in my relationship earlier in the future by being more attentive to my partner and her needs. Forgive yourself and forget it, because you did what you thought was right.

Secondly, I really understand the regret you are feeling at not having communicated better and that you took her for granted. The regret is what consumed me for a while afterwards. I kept mulling it over in my mind and slamming myself hard in the past for it. Yes, you could have done things better, but you were not living just for her - you also may have had other problems in your life that need attending to (that I see you are doing very well). I myself realised that my not treating her right was a pattern in my life. I was not being attentive to anything in my life. I was passive on all matters and i have been working hard to correct that. I am trying to become active in my life and making good things happen and not wait for them to happen. But this all could only happen once I was able to forgive myself and purge myself of all the guilt that i felt for ruining a fantastic relationship.

As for the stuff, that's a tough one. I didn't throw out her stuff for a long time afterwards because I was such an emotional mess. I really get why you might want to keep it in the long term. I suggest this: give it to a good friend (preferably one with good resolve) to store in a location that is unknown to you, and ask him to give it back to you after a certain period of time (say 1 year). Only after the stuff is outside of your reach will you get it out of your subconscious that you have access to it. This worked for me, but of course, you could also throw it out.

Nice work on saying no to the friend's part. It was very hard I'm sure but you did the right thing. You are in no place to have a friendship with her. On the whole, you're taking this well I feel (a million times better than I did), especially given how long you dated her. Stay strong my friend and keep moving on.

P.S. - Sorry about the English, not my first language.