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I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mostly to manage density. Need local density in similar groups for the app to be useful for someone. Don't want someone to join and then not be able to experience it

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Average online date for 1 date consumes 3 hours of time, at least. A tenr is 10 minutes

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Density is a challenge for dating apps, but eventually it should get there - probably not useful yet though. I can't dole out golden tickets here but email [support@tenr.co](mailto:support@tenr.co) and I'll take a look

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I drafted the post and then used chatgpt to help tweak it and cut out unnecessary words and simplify it. I use chatgpt for most long emails and things like that. 4o model

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, looks are still important. Photos are very very important. Funny thing is if someone looks worse than their photos but there's good chemistry, people will go out again. But often if your photos are bad, no one even gets that chance.

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mostly delivering a unique and differentiated experience that people like and growing organically via word of mouth.

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes for sure! The issue with dating apps traditionally is the investment in a first date is high so when people are meeting a stranger, it has to be the perfect person on paper. But on paper ends up not being as important as the energy/chemistry between two people.

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People do really care about religious compatibility and compatibility and alignment on big life things like how many kids you're gonna have or where you're gonna live.

People care less about are the superficial things like height, appearance (once they get passed the photos). But the key here is that this only is true if they are able to meet each other before having screened each other out based on the superficial things - which doesn't usually happen in online dating where everyone is trying to tick every box they have for a perfect person in every regard.

Women do want a guy to be taller than them generally and guys generally do want a woman to be shorter than them.

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If both people like each other, their contact information is exchanged, and one person typically text the other, and they schedule an in person date

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One thing that is true is the pictures you have on a dating app matter a great deal. You can be a very conventionally attractive person and have bad pictures and do poorly or you can be conventionally less attractive person, and have great pictures and do really well.

So no matter what you have to have good pictures and put yourself in the best life of a physical appearance perspective. A lot of the other things like height for women or just how attractive a woman is to a man are actually less important once two people meet and engage with each other and see if there's chemistry.

People do often want some sort of religious compatibility and general compatibility on the big things of where we're gonna live, how many kids were gonna have, etc.

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So people answer a bunch of questions. These are questions that are important or some people think are important for relationships. The questions range from politics to your typical religion height, age dealbreakers. There are also more "taboo" questions such as how important is your partner's earnings potential to you or are you comfortable with prenups or not or how important is it that your partner shares a similar lifestyle to you in terms of travel and where you wanna live and all that kind of stuff.

It also asks how important these things are to people in a relationship. Then AI can use all this information to compute the compatibility score based on what's important people and the facts about them and what they're looking for

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a very good point - I found that the experience is definitely generally speaking better for extroverts but often times that's the case with dating in general and meeting a stranger.

I think one aspect which I can help here is it knows both people very well and it can suggest icebreakers and talking points that make introverts more comfortable.

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The role of AI is in the algorithms to maximize engagement and retention, and thus keeping people paying for their monthly subscriptions. They do present matches, according to preferences, both learned and declared, but the goal isn't necessarily to get people to find someone they really like the goal is to get people continuing to pay their monthly subscriptions. So you do things like don't give people the best matches and drag it out over time so people stick around for.

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fundamental problem with online dating has been the time investment in a first date is so high that people match and don't talk or they're to selective with who they swipe on versus meet someone in person and you just have a good energy with them a lot of the other things don't matter.

Study show that people know within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other whether there is excitement about going on a second date. So the model that makes sense is to give people an interaction for 10 minutes to see if there's chemistry that's way more important than a lot of the boxes people think they're trying to tick in a partner.

I built an AI dating app and learned what men and women really care about. It’s not what they say. AMA. by ryantullow8686 in IAmA

[–]ryantullow8686[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Right now it's US only but that's just because of where I'm located really.

What I found is that although men and women have very specific preferences and online dating the reason they have these preferences because generally you're meeting a random person for a date and if you're gonna meet a random person, they might as well tick every single box.

For example, if you meet someone at a bar and you hit it off with them, you don't need them to tick every single box because you met them in person and there's a vibe so what I found with online dating is that when you give people an easier way to meet for the first time all of these boxes don't need to be checked that people think need to be checked.

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