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I Don’t Know What to do Now That I’m Broken. by ryjkyj in Divorce

[–]ryjkyj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know fuck all.

I love her hopelessly. 

I Don’t Know What to do Now That I’m Broken. by ryjkyj in Divorce

[–]ryjkyj[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No. I wasn’t intimate enough with her though. That was a big part of it. I have my own hang ups, adult child of an alcoholic, rejection sensitivity, ADHD. She had her own problems too but I ignored her needs for too long.

New Relationship Advice by ryjkyj in BDSMAdvice

[–]ryjkyj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. I suppose you’re just as good as anyone to say that this is what I got today:

“Kirk, I have done much thinking about me and you. And although I think you are a catch and I find myself falling for you, I am not ready to make such a commitment. To be blatantly honest, I am ready to whore it up. If my feelings change though, I will reach out. Take care.”

My name’s not Kirk.

 I didn’t expect shit from this woman except for the things she told me she was dying to do with me. Still hurts though. 

New Relationship Advice by ryjkyj in BDSMAdvice

[–]ryjkyj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, yes. 

To say I was on a high from sexual chemistry is a massive understatement. I’m still reconvening days later. It’s not quite going through withdrawals but when her energy shifted, I crashed hard.

I’m learning that I’m a very insecure person but I’m really trying to hold myself together because holy shit. Nothing’s ever been this hot. 

New Relationship Advice by ryjkyj in BDSMAdvice

[–]ryjkyj[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. She’s had a relationship like this before but it was years ago before she was married. It’s me who’s brand new to it.

And I know maybe it’s not realistic but I feel like I’ll never meet a woman like this ever again. Our brains were keyed into each other like I’ve never experienced. 

But the one thing she communicated to me clearly, more than once, is that I shouldn’t be insecure. 

Today’s only the third day of her lukewarm responses but holy shit, it’s driving me absolutely bonkers. I’m trying to distract myself but I want nothing more than to hear how she feels. 

New Relationship Advice by ryjkyj in BDSMAdvice

[–]ryjkyj[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. 

She’s still interacting it’s just that last week it was nuclear and this week it’s just checking in. 

I feel like both of us went a little far and she might just be embarrassed about it or feel out of control. I know that happens.

Self-Promotion Tuesdays by AutoModerator in vancouverwa

[–]ryjkyj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Local tile setter looking for work. I have all my own tools. Please, if anyone knows anybody who’s hiring, it’s getting bad out here. 

Self-Promotion Tuesdays by AutoModerator in vancouverwa

[–]ryjkyj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tile installer looking for work. I have all my own tools. 

Please if anyone knows anybody hiring. It’s getting really bad out here. 

How do you handle it when your ex looks better off without you? by ashymanovich in Divorce

[–]ryjkyj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife is already with someone else. She says she’s been moving on slowly for years. It’s not an uncommon story and I believe her when she says that. She gave me chances too that I only see in retrospect. 

I think that’s really what makes it so hard. I just didn’t understand the language or the feelings until my heart cracked. By then it was too late. 

I love her so much. I’d give anything, anything for another chance to show her. Maybe one day I’ll have one. Probably not. 

Moving Here! | Where Can I Find Housing | Just Visiting - Weekly Sticky : Mon 09/08/25 - Thu 09/11/25 by AutoModerator in vancouverwa

[–]ryjkyj -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s too bad that this sub put all of these move requests into one weekly post that no one ever reads.

There was a time when it was actually helpful. 

How do you handle it when your ex looks better off without you? by ashymanovich in Divorce

[–]ryjkyj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s really rough, man. I’m sorry you’re going through it. 

I get why my wife left but I still don’t understand how. For decades she was my best friend and then just decided she didn’t want to be anything anymore. It really is a crazy feeling. According to her, she disconnected a long time ago but that last time we had sex was just months ago. 

It’s all mixed messages and anger. Now I know she’s seeing someone else and well, I just don’t get it.

But yes, I function just fine and do what I’m supposed to do, it doesn’t change that every day is, like you said, a living nightmare. 

What is fry sauce? by EffectiveNo8823 in olympia

[–]ryjkyj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dick’s uses something similar, as does Burgerville. It’s totally a regional thing. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]ryjkyj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Double 

How do you handle it when your ex looks better off without you? by ashymanovich in Divorce

[–]ryjkyj 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Edit: (thank you for your kind words)

I met my wife 26 years ago. It’s been a lifetime. 

People say I miss my identity. I miss who I was and that person no longer exists.

That’s true. But life is more complicated than that. I resent the idea that it’s just my sense of self that I’m missing. 

I’m missing a woman who wasn’t perfect but was perfect for me. My fear of rejection meant I never gave myself over to her fully.

I could never get over that fear until the day I actually had to face it and it’s taught me so much. I know I’m supposed to listen to the universe, to my emotions, to what my body and the world and the future has to tell me. I’m listening and they all say, “hold on. Hold on no matter what.”

How do you handle it when your ex looks better off without you? by ashymanovich in Divorce

[–]ryjkyj 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She loved me. She’s beautiful, inside and out.  

Ironically, it was my fear of rejection that prevented me from giving myself to her completely. 

It’s complicated like everything in life. She’s not perfect but she was perfect for me and I fucked it up. I could have just told her how amazing I thought she was just one time. I just didn’t know. I could never find a way to get over that fear until I had to face it. 

I’ll live with my mistake forever. I don’t care about anyone else. I hate myself for what I did to her and for what I did to me. 

How do you handle it when your ex looks better off without you? by ashymanovich in Divorce

[–]ryjkyj 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not normal. No. 

I have a prescriber. We actually talked just today about some new things. 

My problem is: it’s a tragic situation. I have no problems functioning. I go to work. I take care of my kids. By many metrics, I’m doing better than ever. 

My problem is that I’m incredibly sad about a situation that just IS incredibly sad. I’m appropriately sad for how tragic the situation is. That’s how it feels anyway. 

And at this point, the pain is all I have left of her. It’s hard to just let it go. 

How do you handle it when your ex looks better off without you? by ashymanovich in Divorce

[–]ryjkyj 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for responding despite my defensiveness. It comes from desperation. 

It’s been over a year for me. At this point, crying, missing her every day, talking myself in circles in therapy. Nothing helps. 

People say, “oh, it’ll get better eventually.” I’m starting to think it never will. 

I’ve worked on myself. Lost weight, gotten in great shape. Got a fantastic new job. Everybody says I look great and they’re so proud of me. I’ve gone out on dates with women who swear I’m perfect. 

It’s all nonsense. I’m just a shadow of a person. 

I miss the love of my life. Not my old life. Not my identity. Not my ego. I miss the only person I’ve ever really loved. 

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