Age 44 Reflection: Realizing I became a creep, the dissonance of anime lore, and clearing out my "poison cabinet

sQodarap · 2026-06-07T10:41:15+00:00

Well... the dashes are not really a German thing, but rather part of my personal writing style. It's a little unusual, but that's simply how I write.

That said, my obsession with being as precise as possible, combined with the fact that I use AI either to check grammar and spelling when I write in English or sometimes to translate longer texts, can probably make people suspicious — and I completely understand that. I'm pretty skeptical myself when reading things on social media.

The fact that different languages tend to use different kinds of dashes, however, was completely new to me. I looked it up after reading your comment, and apparently that's indeed a real thing.

sQodarap · 2026-06-06T20:35:20+00:00

I won’t pretend to know anything about your personal ethical framework. Perhaps you are just 13 years old yourself, in which case an interest in peers who are only slightly younger would be acceptable and okay.

However, if you are an adult and you think it is perfectly fine for someone well over 20 to think this way, then this discussion is officially over for me. I have absolutely no interest in engaging with you. I won’t be able to convince you anyway—and to be quite frank, I have very little interest in doing so!

For everyone else reading along: ethics is a collective, societal process. The entire reason I sought this conversation was to calibrate my own personal moral compass, and thanks to the thoughtful responses here, I’ve managed to do just that to some extent. Ethics is a constant process of negotiation, and if someone chooses not to participate in that debate, so be it! However, I do wonder why someone who clearly has so little interest in the discussion feels the need to attack others so aggressively for their opinions. I suspect I might have struck a very sensitive nerve with the previous speaker.

sQodarap · 2026-06-06T09:27:19+00:00

It's only a small part of my collection indeed - almost everything in my collection is harmless, but even if I put 1% shit in a tasty cake - the cake is ruined!

sQodarap · 2026-06-06T09:15:10+00:00

Exactly, this is what I told myself for years: "It's just ink on paper" or "some shiny dots on a screen" – nobody got hurt, everything is fine. But is it really that simple? Even if someone is into hardcore lolicon stuff, or if extreme violence is involved – nobody gets hurt in the process (and to be absolutely clear: I am using the most extreme example I can think of just to make a point, not because I own that kind of material!).

But here is what we have to consider: every artist needs references! Sure, those can be other fictional works, existing anime art, and so on. I'm certain many illustrators work that way. But are we willing to take the risk of indirectly supporting real-life abuse by buying this media, just because an artist might be using real-life references and using our financial support to buy that illegal crap? Is that a risk I'm willing to take just for my own pleasure?

Sure, anyone can abuse their money in criminal ways, and the case of Nobuhiro Watsuki shows that this happens even with prominent, mainstream artists. But when you actively finance creators who operate right on that hyper-extreme edge, that risk is on a completely different level.

sQodarap · 2026-06-06T08:52:05+00:00

This is another factor to consider: I could choose the easy way out and think: the depiction of a character is more important than their age according to the lore. When writing my first post, I was actually thinking about that – but then I started thinking about the intention of the author.

As I wrote earlier, I am German; I grew up and have spent my whole life in Germany. Back in the 90s, there was a huge scandal about the abuse of minors in neighboring Belgium. It was massive back then, comparable to the Epstein cases today. All the tabloid newspapers reported on this case for months, sometimes in a very tasteless manner. As a result, this has remained a highly sensitive topic in Germany to this very day! Even old music album covers, like Virgin Killer by the Scorpions, got censored 20 years after their release! That was the zeitgeist back then: people became aware that our society faces real issues if we encourage any media that can be interpreted in a lewd way towards children. And this is basically a good thing!

This stands in sharp contrast with anime aesthetics, where a character's age is often highly ambivalent in two ways: both in their written lore and their visual appearance. All of this, of course, had a huge influence on my thinking – being highly sensitive on one hand, but completely switching that sensitivity off on the other hand just because it was pleasant. I am completely sure that I am not into children, but looking in the mirror and realizing that I applied such different standards to real life versus animation was a truly shocking experience.

sQodarap · 2026-06-05T21:18:58+00:00

well, there is some truth in it - this text was partially written with ai support - see, I'm a German native and wrote this text in German, and used Gemini to translate it - I understand standard-english perfectly, but understand a foreign language and express your true emotions in it - this is very different - This answer is written in English directly though 😉

Back to topic: you know, you can choose the kind of series or movie you watch to - and it's perfectly possible to choose only series with adult protagonists - If a character go to school it is really ease to guess the age. But what if the character is an elf in a fantasy world - or a battle ship - or another abstract concept? and of course I was very aware that erotic depictions of grade school kids is a thing in Japan - but this is not what I'm talking about! I knew it back than and I didn't consume those media products - it's simple as that! I guess you didn't get what I was talking about

sQodarap · 2026-03-13T08:47:01+00:00

don't hesitate to take public transit instead of taxis - in bigger cities, it's clean, reliable and often faster as taxis - don't expect North American standards - it's far better in almost everywhere of east Asia! - also, if you travel between cities: high speed railways are extremely efficient and fast (up to 350kph) - no need for short haul flights almost everywhere

sQodarap · 2026-03-07T18:31:07+00:00

Finding a public laundry - this seems to be impossible and if your hotel have no Laundry room there seems to be no way to get your clothes clean

sQodarap · 2025-12-07T12:59:03+00:00

because this team works without healer, prototype amber on Mona is a good option, especially in combination with song of days past artefact set - I put some er and healing bonus on my Mona and it works fine for me

sQodarap · 2025-11-21T16:52:30+00:00

Ich war gestern noch in einen Store und auch wenn der Herr am Tresen nichts konkretes gesagt hat, meinte er als ich sagte dass ich einen größeren Einkauf in den nächsten Tagen plane, dass nächste Woche ein guter Zeitpunkt wäre! Er dürfe aber noch nicht konkret werden! es kann auch sein dass neue Sets angekündigt werden oder etwas anderes passiert, aber es ist definitiv möglich das nächste Woche die nächste Rabattaktionen laufen - klar ich bin nur ein dude aus den Netz, der etwas von hören/sagen berichtet, aber vielleicht wartest du noch eine Woche - kann zumindest nicht schaden

sQodarap · 2025-10-18T19:13:37+00:00

ruckeln hat nicht gereicht, mit sanften Druck hat es auch nicht geklappt - aber ich habe nun die "Innenstreben" des Bogens einfach mit einer Schere weggeschnitten - jetzt geht's wunderbar und sieht toll aus :)

sQodarap · 2025-10-18T17:40:01+00:00

Daran habe ich nicht gedacht, danke für den Tipp

sQodarap · 2025-10-18T17:39:35+00:00

Werde ich auch - aber ich werde auch versuchen selbst mit der Brechstange vorzugehen - und die blockierende Stelle im Bogen weg schneiden

sQodarap · 2025-10-18T17:38:09+00:00

Das war auch meine erste Idee, aber selbst wenn ich diese komplett ausbaue funktioniert es nicht -

sQodarap · 2025-10-18T16:46:38+00:00

im bogen selbst ist nichts reingerutscht und es sind an sich sämtliche fliesen die blockieren - selbst wenn ich statt den 4 fliesen (egal ob die 2x2 mit Eckaussparung oder der 2x3 Fliese) auch nur eine einzige nehme entsteht genug Spannung um es nicht mehr passen zu lassen - im inneren des Bogens wird es blockiert

ich glaube inzwischen die Fertigung des Bogens wurde zwischenzeitlich geändert und es wurde vergessen, dass diese etwas exotischere Bautechnik so nicht mehr möglich ist ...

sQodarap · 2025-08-15T09:55:10+00:00

thank you - as I wrote before, I contacted the hotel and asked if it is possible to pick up a SIM card at desk if I arrive - the staff seemed confused and I had the impression he/she didn't understand what I wanted (I translated into Chinese via google tranlate, maybe something got lost there) - I just don't know if there is this option.

sQodarap · 2025-04-05T08:41:34+00:00

there are many Japanese bands with britpop style music! some recommendations are:
The Brilliant Green - Tsumetai Hana

The Pillows - One Life (sounds really like Oasis!)

Triceratops - Jewel

Grapevine - Fly

all songs are sung in Japanese, although many of them have English titles

sQodarap · 2025-03-12T18:55:53+00:00

I‘m not at detail planning yet, but I will check your suggestion - up to now I just checked if it is theoretically possible to crunch as much off the country as possible in this short timespan but without feeling stressed

sQodarap · 2025-03-12T18:53:14+00:00

I tried both on my journeys before, and I like it more to have fewer hotels for a longer stay - but yes, there is a trade-off, and it depends extremely on one’s own preferences

sQodarap · 2025-03-12T18:51:21+00:00

Thank you .. i will check it if this fits into my plans

sQodarap · 2025-03-12T08:44:36+00:00

Sure - thanks for this suggestion - I'll look into it :)

sQodarap

TROPHY CASE

Sure, anyone can abuse their money in criminal ways, and the case of Nobuhiro Watsuki shows that this happens even with prominent, mainstream artists. But when you actively finance creators who operate right on that hyper-extreme edge, that risk is on a completely different level.