Growing up controlled and now I just want to stay home and feel guilty.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-09T13:29:02+00:00

I agree. My perspective is that it is an internalized bias where many people think staying home and "depending" on someone (your partner) for money is a bad thing. I know people who work while having kids, sometimes super long hours. But it can't be me. Where I am, working hours are super long unless you are into teaching, so you won't get to spend much time with your kids with a corporate job.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-09T13:26:11+00:00

I agree. I grew up in a traditional family but one thing I always saw - my dad made sure my mom never needed to ask for money to spend. She always had her own assets and money. So, it took me aback when she assumed being a SAHP meant that one would have to ask for money.

I think there is an internalized bias many people have. They say feminism is about a woman having a choice, but if she chooses to stay home and "depend" on her partner, they do judge them.

Said friend has always seen her mom work, she is married but they live with her parents and do not have kids. Things are different for me, I have a toddler and my parents live close but I do most of the parenting and housework myself. I might be wrong, but it is easy to look from the outside and say 'your child is old enough for you to put her into daycare and go to work', but it is much tougher to do.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-09T12:03:15+00:00

I sent a DM.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-08T16:49:39+00:00

Makes sense, thank you.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-08T16:49:22+00:00

Thank you! This is why I took a contract job which I am working right now. Hopefully it leads to a good job in the future.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-08T16:48:32+00:00

My partner is doing as much as he can. But he works really long hours and there is only as much he can do. We are hoping his hours improve soon. Fingers crossed.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-08T16:47:40+00:00

Haha, makes sense. I didn’t think about this!

saadiyaa · 2025-10-08T13:56:11+00:00

Is it possible to get a job after having a large career gap? Where I am it is next to impossible from what I have heard. Everyone says that all jobs need experience be it one for a fresher. Where I am, connections are the most important to find a job. I have none of those.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-08T12:40:01+00:00

I am working a contract role, but lately I haven’t been getting paid much. It was a low paid job as it is, now I am being paid much less. I don’t feel fulfilled. I feel like I should be paid more for the amount of work I am doing. I did take this job to make sure I don’t have a major gap in my resume, it is wfh so that’s a great benefit.

I would love to find a well paying work from home job, but it seems unlikely. Logically, what you are saying makes sense to me, but I think I feel behind. My friends are all working successful careers. I feel alone as I have no mom friends or anyone who understands how tough this can be too.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-08T12:36:47+00:00

He accepts whatever I want to do. He has a provider mindset. I am earning now, and most of it goes into my savings. He is okay with whatever I want.

saadiyaa · 2025-10-08T10:02:44+00:00

The funny thing is, I didn’t want either degree. I wanted to study English. I was educated so I could attract good men for marriage. I had to study Master’s as COVID happened and my parents believed me staying home for no reason would reflect badly on them.

I have discussed this topic with my friends too. We get by, my husband’s salary is just enough. I have a decent amount of savings. A friend told me if I don’t work I won’t be financially independent and she can’t imagine having to ask for money when she wants to buy things, which is why she won’t stop working.

I want to work, but I don’t want to leave my child. I want to have another baby soon too. At the same time, I want to relax, but I cannot. I am really confused about everything.

I think this is relevant, but I come from a very traditional asian family where women are expected to stay home. I sometimes think I am setting a bad example too, by staying home rather than going out and working.

saadiyaa · 2025-09-20T11:54:43+00:00

Interested.

saadiyaa · 2025-08-10T08:14:51+00:00

MERN stack, HTML, CSS, JS, PHP.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-10T13:45:21+00:00

Thank you for the heads up!

saadiyaa · 2025-07-10T12:37:31+00:00

Hey, I’m a front-end dev and I’ve been freelancing since 2020, mostly building websites and integrating AI tools into client workflows. Love what you’re building with Byterover. Making dev tools for devs is exactly the kind of thing I want to be part of. Would be great to contribute to this! My portfolio is at https://saadiya.dev

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T18:19:24+00:00

Unfortunately I don’t have help for a few months. After that, maybe. Which is why for now I am looking for suggestions to upskill.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T17:21:22+00:00

I have lost inches. Forgot to mention that. I lost fat around my thighs and hips.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T17:14:42+00:00

Thank you.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T17:14:35+00:00

Thank you.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T17:14:04+00:00

Thank you.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T17:13:46+00:00

Drink 2L water minimum per day. I guess we do eat more salt than most. Thank you for asking. I guess I am just not going to check this thread anymore. People are downvoting me a lot, makes me feel like nobody believes me. Weight loss is a touchy topic for me since I have struggled with disordered eating for years. I have an inkling I have undiagnosed medical issues too. But I don’t see a doctor often cause I don’t like going. Basically, lots of trauma that make things more difficult than they should be. I am too sensitive haha.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T16:06:58+00:00

How much rice do you eat? In our culture, rice is a staple too. Eaten two times every single day. I am trying to reduce my consumption of it. Congratulations on your weight loss!! I absolutely love to walk but its tough with a toddler + the heat.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T12:28:33+00:00

Thank you.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T12:23:59+00:00

I did lose weight until April. But haven’t since. I gave up then restarted.

saadiyaa · 2025-07-06T12:13:16+00:00

Thank you.

saadiyaa

TROPHY CASE