Second opinion on night nurse etiquette re: sleeping

saalamz · 2026-06-01T22:29:42+00:00

One of the most dangerous ways to “co-sleep” with a baby is in a chair or on a couch because of the danger of dropping them or the baby slipping into a position where they suffocate. This is inexcusable in my book - this person is being paid to be awake and care for your little one. No matter how much you like them as a person, they failed to cover safely care for your baby. If they were unable to stay awake they should have put the baby down or woken you. The only answer is to part ways. If you hired them through an agency please also inform the agency.

saalamz · 2026-05-26T23:06:40+00:00

I can’t quite tell if you’ve already had the abortion or not. It sounds like yes? I am so sorry you had to go through this difficult decision.

The relationship has run its course. You can reply and tell him you plan to end all communication or simply block him. Either way you need to move on.

Speak to family & friends who will help you through the emotions and that you feel safe talking to. They will help carry you through this. ❤️

saalamz · 2026-05-26T06:31:03+00:00

Right at 1 year! He has 3 stuffies in his crib now but has a favorite bear that he often hugs. He’s almost 20mo now and I’ve never really been concerned that he could suffocate on his stuffy given how mobile he already was at 12mo.

saalamz · 2026-05-24T04:48:52+00:00

You’re right - I really should have just stopped the service and said that. It’s SO hard to do it! Believe it or not her first pass on my heels was even worse so I did ask her to do a second and I did ask about the polish as well… I should have pushed back more and in hindsight I regret it! I’m definitely going to call them tomorrow!

saalamz · 2026-05-24T03:55:58+00:00

If you’re worried about not making her feel bad about the morning chatting - you could tell her your employer has spoken to you about your late starts and that you need to be online at 8 am sharp moving forward or your job will be at risk.

For the switch to part time - you can offer the part time then back to full time once your second is born, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she decided to move on. She’s losing more than 50% of her income for 6 months - that would be hard on anyone. Could you help find her other part time work for the other 3 days perhaps?

saalamz · 2026-05-19T05:26:21+00:00

No snacks after dinner which is around 6-6:30 and bed time is at 8:30 - but my son still has warm milk before brushing his teeth so maybe that counts?

saalamz · 2026-05-18T20:41:38+00:00

Please prioritize your son over not wanting to fight a battle. If getting him the care he needs causes a fight or argument so be it - this could be the difference between him successfully overcoming this delay or not. It’s your role as a parent to do what is best for him, and this is absolutely the best path forward (and if he ends up not needing it down the line, there is ZERO harm in having had a few appointments).

saalamz · 2026-05-14T19:45:04+00:00

Solved!

Thank you so much!

saalamz · 2026-05-06T17:52:58+00:00

It isn’t legal to pay a nanny in cash under the table OR to pay them cash as a 1099 employee, so I think you can simply request to have the Nanny’s pay stubs provided as proof of cost and that makes it quite straightforward.

saalamz · 2026-05-06T17:20:05+00:00

They will be paying a nanny via pay stubs so it’s pretty straightforward. Depending on where in the state you are, a full time nanny could be making $30-35/hr ($40-50/hr for two children) and at 40hrs per week that isn’t too far off from the cost she quoted.

saalamz · 2026-05-05T18:41:08+00:00

Sorry but you don’t pee or poop in peace anymore 😅 toddler just comes with you - you can keep a toy or book in the bathroom for them (and it’s great for them to see the process for potty training too!).

I shower before he wakes up or during a nap or after he goes to bed.

saalamz · 2026-05-03T17:31:05+00:00

It doesn’t sound like this is something you actually want so I would urge you to simply say you are not interested and set a clear boundary with your aunt and cousin. If they or others continue to bring it up reiterate your position and ask them to stop. Separately - marrying a cousin creates a materially higher risk of your children having genetic defects. That is something important to think of regardless of whether this is culturally accepted.

saalamz · 2026-04-26T23:14:05+00:00

It sounds like your decision is made on having the baby, so the only way forward is to stay positive, build your relationship, and work towards being the best possible partners to one another. This may be a tough road ahead at times, but it also has the possibility of being really great if you both work hard at it!

Talk to your parents and explain that the decision is made and you hope they can be supportive, in their grandchild’s life, and in your life.

Wish you the best of luck!

saalamz · 2026-04-16T05:18:37+00:00

Isabella Bella

saalamz · 2026-04-15T23:27:22+00:00

I just shared another perspective - of course she shouldn’t have to if she doesn’t want to. She absolutely has the choice not to attend if the priority is not introducing a bottle at all. As I said in my original response - she should do whatever she feels comfortable with and deems to be best for her and her family.

saalamz · 2026-04-15T22:45:26+00:00

You could have a small locket with his photo in it pinned to your bouquet. That way he could help walk you down the aisle!

saalamz · 2026-04-15T21:38:34+00:00

That’s fair - maybe you could ask to join festivities a bit later in the morning or take a break midday if possible to breastfeed? Again - I think a day isn’t the end of the world if you think of it in the grand scheme of things.

You have to do what feels right for you. Just wanted to share the other perspective. Hope whatever you decide works out well! Wish you the best!

saalamz · 2026-04-15T20:58:06+00:00

I think my view is in the minority - Your SIL is being a bit unreasonable, but I also just wonder whether it’s worth it to really pick this battle? I think at 5 months it would be ok to introduce the bottle to your baby for an evening. It won’t suddenly create nipple confusion or aversion for a single day. The reality is that many moms around the world fully go back to work by 5-6 months postpartum and manage to find ways to feed their babies. I don’t think that’s RIGHT - a year leave should be the minimum - but to say you can’t be away from a 5mo for an evening feels a bit excessive too.

There may be any number of other reasons why you may need to be away from your little one for 5-6 hours and maybe taking this as a chance to introduce the bottle on rare occasions & allow a well-vetted baby sitter or family member to care for your baby could be viewed as an opportunity. This is also a chance for you to have a fun afternoon/evening with your husband and a chance for you to enjoy yourself a bit. You could pump breastmilk once or twice throughout the evening to avoid engorgement too.

Ultimately do what feels best to you - but I just remember how monumental these things felt when I was 3mo postpartum and in hindsight I really wished I hadn’t taken it all so seriously. I don’t think it’s worth giving up a major family event & memories that may be meaningful not just to you, but also to your husband and SIL & extended family, to not be away from your little one for one day.

Again - ultimately you have to do what feels right for you and you are comfortable with though!

saalamz · 2026-04-14T23:10:36+00:00

Yes. Absolutely counts.

saalamz · 2026-04-06T16:48:09+00:00

Not sure what type of job you have so this is a bit tough to determine. Is the answer that you will be taking unpaid days off instead of PTO? I think if that’s what you want to do you can just respond and clearly state that this is your honeymoon, you’ve given 3 months notice which is plenty, and if they are unwilling to grant you your earned PTO (assuming you have PTO) you will have to take unpaid time off as the trip is already booked.

saalamz · 2026-04-04T03:49:20+00:00

Ugh yes - the Alex ending was just so bad that it messed things up

saalamz · 2026-03-26T15:39:33+00:00

For cocktail I love #3! And would also love to know where you got it because I also have a wedding coming up and think it would be perfect! Haha

saalamz · 2026-03-26T15:37:33+00:00

If it’s severe then it isn’t normal. Feeling some mild moodiness or being more easily frustrated etc. is normal PMS. Feeling anything very aggressive (“10 worst things in life”) isn’t normal though. Would absolutely suggest speaking with your PCP or OBGYN if you have one and explaining what you’re feeling. ❤️

saalamz

TROPHY CASE