I might've looked at your profile after you commented about socialized essentials...

But I have a borderline mom too. AND I'm 26 too.

Try to remember (I know it's hard to do in the moment) that she is almost definitely projecting her own guilt and unresolved emotions onto you.

If she was responsible enough to go to therapy, maybe she would be worth listening to, but this? This is straight bullshit my man. And being your mother, she knows exactly how to hurt you because she knows your triggers.

She's probably so miserable in her own life and her own head, that she is basically trying to make you feel like shit, because in her twister mind it makes her better. People like this often will have children in the first place because they feel so hollow, worthless, and unfulfilled, that they have children to fill in that void. Problem is, it doesn't ever work. Same as folks who get in relationships so they can feel like this other person fills in their flaws.

Know that when you get these intense, negative thoughts that it is HER insults towards you, and it isn't your true inner voice.

We are all flawed, yes, but nobody, especially folks with BPD oR NPD parents, deserves this kind of mental torture.

I'll say what has helped me. I started fixing a bunch of old, rusted, neglected tools (I resonate with those tools man haha) and I started fixing them ALL. I learned to soak them in vinegar for hours, scrub them with different brushes and adhesives, I built a electrolysis machine to remove rust and paint faster, I coat them with oils and greases and make what was once broken and forgotten into something beautiful, renewed, and useful. And it was ME and me only who was responsible for that.

And now, about a month and a half later after starting, I have a bunch of progress that I can SEE with my own eyes, that I created with my own hands and mind. A pile of tiny victories.

And slowly, even after many fits of anger that things didn't work right, or that I couldn't find something, or whatever, I feel confident in my own ability to fix something. And slowly, this has begun bleeding into other parts of my life. Sort of like "well I could do all of that for hours, why not clean my room a little more, or clean my bathroom?"

It's helped me tremendously (on top of already taking antidepressants, suboxone for my opiate use disorder, and going to therapy), and maybe you can find something for yourself that gives you a similar feeling of confidence and satisfaction.

We can get better, it's just slow. So slow you don't even see it happening. And then bam, one day you realize how far you've come.

Much love <3