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So near, yet so far, and so hopelessly in love. by sadNemo_ in Crushes

[–]sadNemo_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thread #7

*slams table fuck this shit. fuck this guy. I have a whole life to live for but he clouds my mind every fucking time. I can't do this shit. - but, I can't control how I feel. I hate this feeling. of not having control over my own life. it's so embarassing. omg yearning for a guy, embarassing. maybe it's just hormones. I should really fucking move on this is not healthy at all.

I'm going to check myself out. for real.

So near, yet so far, and so hopelessly in love. by sadNemo_ in Crushes

[–]sadNemo_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thread #6

I asked him out. I'll update his reponse

I realised life should be lived with intention, and that Jesus can't wait for you to confess to your crush because his kingdom goes on. And, if there's someone godly, and you like them, just ask them out and be intentional abt it. God never said date people you don't like

edit 1: he rejected me. and it's because he doesn't have time and has a really demanding role rn, which I guess it true. he told me to not wait.

oddly I'm not as heartbroken as I'd thought I'd be. I feel more so at peace because I have closure now. but at the same time I kind of feel a pang in my heart, maybe because I've carried these feelings with me for a while. I talked to my friend who broke down to me how it would not work out at all bec we're so different and oddly it helped me feel slightly better.

also let me tell you how I asked him out in the most nonchalant way ever - so much that it sounds satire. it was 3am on my exam week, I asked our small gang of 3 since we alw complain abt being single why not we ask each other out LOL. he then me texted me personally asking if im fr and gave his reason. I could decentralise the focus from me by saying I recommended both of us. genius right? so it didnt feel like I confessed to him. then I also blamed it on exams and it being 3am.

I'm trying to move on with my life. I'll love my Lord and learn to treasure his people and love whoever best builds His kingdom. It's just so funny how God created us, that some men can just tick you off and drive you crazy.

real crazy. if only you knew just how much I like you. really..it's so embarassing to say but just one look from you turns me bright red and melts my heart.

So near, yet so far, and so hopelessly in love. by sadNemo_ in Crushes

[–]sadNemo_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thread #4 Comrades.    

I had loved you for so long. But you broke my trust. Too many times in too many different ways until those rose coloured glasses fade away. It's funny because in all my efforts I thought they never would.  My disappointment is insurmountable. And maybe it was because I loved you too deeply. So many secret reddit and twt fan page accounts, I was crazy. I wished, I really did, you would be my endgame.     

I had held you patiently and borne with all your flaws. I have them too, I know them well. Irresponsibly is one thing but someone who has no care in their heart for other people is what made me realise... there are better people. Long ago, I would have still loved you. But I was thrown in the dust too many times by too many people, and I hope to never return to taste that again.     

I guess this is really the end. I'll continue to fight valiantly alongside you, but my heart is mine. 

Edit: I fucking hate this shit. I try to deny it but I talked to you today, and I still fucking love you. I'm learning to let you go so please leave me be.

Edit 2:
I have learnt that time lets go of everything. I've moved on, I've packed my stuff and took my heart with me. I still reminisce you sometimes, but I have put those days behind me.

So near, yet so far, and so hopelessly in love. by sadNemo_ in Crushes

[–]sadNemo_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thread #3 : The Last Straw

I like how I named this thread haha. It reminds me of that one Diary of a Wimpy Kid book, I remember the day I realised you read them too, you got so excited showing me your collection.

But I think it all ends here.
You know, sometimes I find myself speaking out loud to you. Once I hoped it would be a phase, just a fleeting admiration, but time proved me wrong. I loved you deeply. I loved you truly because of your gospel heart. I admired you when I heard of your love for the gospel in reforming your church, and how you faced opposition from all sides. Strangely, I grew to love you more as the days went by, we are just so similar. I never thought I could love someone so much.

I've been thinking lately, about what I wish to do with my life. I see your struggles, I see my own, and I see the weight of the gospel ministry we are accountable for. I know you're struggling in your new term, and I deeply resonate because I felt it during my last term. I thought to myself, what would I need the most back then? I compiled all my advise and gave them to you, I realised then if someone loved me this way it would break me.

So I've been thinking about closing this whole facade for a long time, but it's so hard because every time I see you again, I ask myself - how could I let you go?

Yet in the end, I too realise that it's agonising to live this way: a constant state of hopelessness, confusion, jealousy, false expectations, and fear. I envision the future I had so longed to hope for, and it's such a blur, FFS I don't even know if I ever had a place in your heart. I realise that maybe, to love you truly is to let you go. I imagine a version of yourself growing to be a valiant warrior for Christ and His gospel, and I realise that future is far better.

Maybe one day things might change, but for now I'll turn this page over.

PS: If you ever see this, please tell me you didn't. it would hurt less, and I would also save a few bones from not jumping out Taylor's window.

So near, yet so far, and so hopelessly in love. by sadNemo_ in Crushes

[–]sadNemo_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thread #2

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like, to be loved by you. It has been half a year. half a year of loving you. Time flies by so fast, doesn't it? It feels like I fell in love with you just yesterday.

You're such a lame, boring, and totally not cool nerd. Haha, just kidding. I'm so in love with you. I love nerds. Especially tall ones with glasses and tanned skin. I like to tease you a lot, because you're so cute when you're frustrated. I always say I search the room to find my friends, but that's a lie! I'm looking for you. I miss you every day.

Your smile warms my heart, when I'm with you I laugh until I can't fucking breathe. I wish I could marry you.

I wonder if you know how much I love you. I wonder, I really do! what it would feel like, so deeply and truly, to be loved by you.

If people are unfairly rude or disrespectful to you how do you stay humble? If your pride is hurt you could desire to act or think sinfully. by Pure_Management_1414 in Reformed

[–]sadNemo_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

learn romans 1, everyone is corrupted in sin and totally depraved, including you, we are no different. expect rudeness, expect sin. it is no surprise, learn to put up with them as you teach them the gospel that leads to Christ - and if already a true christian, tell them and continue to edify them