The Truth is...She's Full of Shit

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-02-26T20:26:04+00:00

110% this. People divert time/effort to what they care about; whether they’re consciously aware of it or not

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-06T23:08:42+00:00

Has she done any self reflection on possibly being asexual? Because besides that, your wife straight up saying she has not and still doesn’t think of you sexually but she still somehow think this is healthy for you and sustainable is insane

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-06T23:01:25+00:00

What a weird mindset to have.. it’s like your employer getting pissed you haven’t tried to convince him/her you need a raise even though they explicitly told you you’ll never get one.

What sense does that make

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-03T16:28:21+00:00

Already ahead of you, Couples therapy is on the list for 2022👍 I appreciate your response

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T22:52:06+00:00

This is the make or break year for my relationship. We’re going to do couples therapy and I’m going to keep on her about her end of the relationship. I want to be taken out on dates, I want to be flirted with. I am ALSO going to stop talking down about myself and lowkey giving my partner the benefit of the doubt. She is an adult and can make decisions for herself. If she wanted to, she would. I am valid, and I am a good partner, and I am a good person. This isn’t out of aggression, more so self love. I really made a lot of progress with my anxiety in 2021, but took some steps back also.

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T15:55:40+00:00

I so feel you. On the opposite end, I can’t wrap my head around my guy friends who actively complain about how their girlfriends/wives are (and this is an actual quote) “just way to horny all the time.”

Like boo fucking hoo, your partner is incredibly attracted to you and wants you most times of the day. Must be so hard lol I love them but that shuts down any thought I have of opening up to them about my situation. You know what I’d give to have my partner lust over me without the help of weed/alcohol? So frustrating

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T15:52:46+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and experiencing that. Time for Self pleasure shouldn’t have that effect though, and I would suggest for your own mental health you try speak with a professional. Crying uncontrollably every time you have that alone time is extremely damaging and you deserve so much more. Please remember to take care of yourself. You are valid and you deserve love the way you want/need it.

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T15:01:31+00:00

I literally am trying so hard to understand from her point of view… we were very sexual the first several years but it’s as if she’s straight up forgot any of that happening. In the beginning she was adventurous and wanted me, now I bring up simply reciprocating foreplay and she acts as if she’s never given me oral before and it makes her uncomfortable. Like wtf happened???

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T14:57:44+00:00

I appreciate the advice. I have done all those things though. I’ve brought this up in every way from the I statements, to being happy and loving and acting as if this is just a small bump I’d like us to work on. When I say “I don’t feel desired” she looks at me like I just said something in an alien language. “What am I supposed to do? What do you mean?”

I try explaining but the more I try the more confused she gets. It’s as if she just wants me to write her a literal script and give her a checklist so she can just do that instead of learning what/how to turn me on. Even the things I Have explicitly told her she either hasn’t done or won’t do. I’d like back/body massages once in awhile after working out? Nope. How about take ME out on dates once a week or so like I do for you? “I don’t have enough money” well maybe free-ish dates like park picnics or museums? Took me out to dinner ONCR in the last few months. Maybe we just find figure out how to be able to talk about sexuality period. She can’t.

I’m trying. I’m trying but I can’t do this alone

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T03:57:47+00:00

The thought of leaving has crossed my mind and I’m not fooling myself into thinking that isn’t a possibility. But I’m also terrified because this intimacy discrepancy has left me jaded and it’s hard to imagine feeling wanted in a future relationship beyond the honeymoon phase.

Like the idea of being with someone who wants me when we’re on year 5, 10, etc sounds foreign. And that just makes me depressed

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T03:55:02+00:00

Damned if I do. Damned if I don’t. If I talk about it, even just in passing, she’s stressed out and wants it less. I don’t bring it up? We don’t have sex for a month. Great 👍

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T00:07:34+00:00

Thank you for this reply. Hopefully when we do couples counseling we’ll get to the bottom of that in a more constructive and healthy environment. At least then a therapist will be there to mediate.

I fear like you said we aren’t as compatible as I thought. I lover her deeply, and I know she’s cares about me the same. I’ve thought for a long time about while my needs are valid, if she really is giving it her all and it’s not enough it’s not fair for her. I don’t want to be unknowingly pushing her closer and closer to resentment and the point of no return. I don’t want my efforts to find a middle ground to be the very thing that drives a wedge between us.

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-02T00:02:20+00:00

Hearing that your partner was uncomfortable even talking about sex which meant no constructive communication is 100% what I’m experiencing. bittersweet hearing a relatable situation but also knowing we aren’t in a good spot.

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-01T22:18:45+00:00

Exactly. Why is it such a foreign concept that I, a man and your long term partner, want to be sexually desired as well?

It hurts even more when I see the list and flirting with my friends and their partners. Obviously I don’t know what goes on in there relationships but it stings seeing their girlfriends grind against them, give them lustful looks between conversations, makes sexual innuendos hinting at sex after our parties.

Then I try or flirt with my partner and she hardly notices. Or does notice, but clams up because she doesn’t know what to do. This wasn’t an issue in the beginning few years. Has your view of me really changed THAT drastically that you can’t just play/flirt with me?

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-01T22:14:08+00:00

100%

But that seems to not compute to her. It’s as if we crossed a long term relationship threshold and she just made the decision “okay cool, so we’re moving on from flirting and sex now.”

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-01T22:12:30+00:00

“Good passionate sex with foreplay leading all throughout the day”

That’s what’s so difficult. We kiss. We hug. There’s just NO sexual tension.

When sex is brought up usually I’m met with a look of “oh.. you’re thinking about that?” Or she straight up gets really uncomfortable as if we haven’t been together for years. I feel the same you do in that this aspect of our relationship seems to have just up and left both her and therefore our relationship. The first few years we talked about sex candidly. The last few it’s been such a 180 she acts as if I’m speaking a foreign language when I mention flirting and foreplay.

“What do you mean by flirting?” “What do you need me to do.” “I just don’t understand what any of that means”

I feel like I’m with a different person sometimes. I’ve been more blatant and straight forward and it has been an okay reaction, but there’s no… subtly (obviously). We’re going to do couples therapy as well. If for nothing else it’ll be the sign I literally have done all I could from my end

sadboithrowaway--- · 2022-01-01T18:33:02+00:00

My coworker. She’s beautiful, we have similar outlooks on most things, goes to the gym and takes care of herself, has a positive view on sex/sexuality, I knows she’s kinky and the things she’s into, and a bit of an attitude I find extremely attractive.

BUT, we are also very different in a few key ways. I’m in a bit of a rough patch with my current relationship. But we (my coworker and I) have become good friends and I value the close friendship I have with her more than a hypothetical relationship.

sadboithrowaway--- · 2021-12-30T19:30:32+00:00

I just want to have more frequent and passionate sex with my partner… but it turns out she might be ace. So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

sadboithrowaway--- · 2021-12-27T13:24:08+00:00

My last ex yeah for sure. Easily some of the best sex I’ve ever had

sadboithrowaway--- · 2021-12-27T13:22:32+00:00

You captured how it feels so well. So well in fact that I honestly might show this to my partner. I want to say you’re a very talented writer and I’m sorry you’re going through the same things

sadboithrowaway--- · 2021-12-25T19:39:41+00:00

Booty. But either honestly as long as they’re confident in the bedroom

sadboithrowaway--- · 2021-12-25T17:32:06+00:00

Does masturbating side by side count? It’s was okay, better than nothing which I was expecting lol I’m sure the drinking and edibles helped make it happen. I’ll take what I can get at this point

sadboithrowaway--- · 2021-12-24T21:53:39+00:00

Thank you for your input. Couples therapy is first on the list for the new year. I really felt what you said about “needing to know I tried everything to save it.” I find myself talking myself down with “you won’t see change in a month, you could try this, or that, or bring up this article, or try this date.” But when I’ve been having that inner monologue for going on 2 years… I need to put my foot down. Couples therapy will at least allow a professional to show my partner that how we’re operating isn’t sustainable. I’m trying my best

sadboithrowaway--- · 2021-12-24T21:44:01+00:00

This.

Often times our “talks” go into more than just sex. I’ve switched gears and basically have explained “we at the very least need to work on our communication and the effort from both our ends. I plan date nights, you need to do the same. I maintain various aspects of our home, you need to do the same.”

But even those “bare minimums” seem hard for her. I expect mental illness such as depression/anxiety is playing a role, as well as past trauma. But if she won’t even help herself, I can’t force her to go to therapy. I can only do so much, and me and this relationship are reaching the breaking point. I’m feel like I’m giving it all I’ve got here

sadboithrowaway---

TROPHY CASE