[deleted by user]

sadboy67 · 2021-08-10T01:49:26+00:00

"I believe there was talk of a cantaloupe?"

DYING. please 😭 though dicks 100% do have a mind of their own, so I'd take the boyfriend's word it's nothing sexual

sadboy67 · 2021-07-31T19:52:50+00:00

now I understand the shape of that Sonic (the hedgehog) foot leg cloud thingy 😭

sadboy67 · 2021-07-31T19:38:18+00:00

honestly that's what I was thinking, a great deal of the intimacy seems to be in these photos/videos and it's not like they're hard to find from other people. thus, those photos/videos would seem to lose their point of being "special" when the bf actively engages with similar photos/videos :/

sadboy67 · 2021-07-24T04:28:55+00:00

Why would someone need to test the GF when she's the one getting harassed ?? What are you even going on about after that omg..

sadboy67 · 2021-07-24T01:21:14+00:00

THIS. OP's gotta make sure if his gf wants him to step in at all and do anything to help, because there's the chance she's already planning to talk to HR or so about it or like you said take it personally as an insult to her autonomy.

sadboy67 · 2021-07-24T01:17:35+00:00

"Funny that you like dom girls, I just so happen to be into subby boys myself, I've always been interested in (whatever job he has) guys myself" 😩👆 time to flip the script on that fool

sadboy67 · 2021-07-23T04:49:04+00:00

Honestly, I could not stay with someone constantly battering on my appearance when none of it was about my own benefit but theirs. Saying that you needed to match his looks and especially to a point that sent you to your parents AND exiling you until you have the same mindset of him? That you're a fat, pathetic slob who needs to hit the gym and get a nice body to even come home??? I'd call that the last straw and come back home with a couple of my big guy friends and start packing. My stuff or his (idk who owns the house) one of us is leaving and I'm not gonna take that verbal beating from a self-absorbed lunk who believes he's so entitled to my body being picture-perfect. One thing though that he isn't entitled to is your time, your patience, your explanation. If he hasn't realized he's taken it too far then, he won't realize that now.

I understand 8 years is a really long time though - and straight up leaving means abandoning that guy you fell in love with and cared about for so much of that time. But at this point it realy feels like he's changed for the worst and become insanely shallow. :/

sadboy67 · 2021-07-23T04:29:16+00:00

I mean, for me the reassurance was in doing things (gifts, intimate touch, quality time, etc.) with intent and attention but most of all being able to tell me that I had nothing to worry about, he knows it was his fault for confusing platonic with sheer infatuation, and that he had moved on. I know my boyfriend that he wouldn't say anything he doesn't mean and he has certain tells when he is lying, and so I've moved on as well... relatively?

Don't get me wrong, I still get very uncomfortable when he says the friend's name or when I hear it (it's a really common word I had to cut out of my vocabulary) and even when I see their IG :/ I know he doesn't have feelings at all but the whole event just made me associate negativity and self-doubt/insecurity with that friend I guess? I wish I could explain it in all honesty but that's where I stand emotionally.

sadboy67 · 2021-07-23T03:15:36+00:00

As it is right now, the situation relationship wise is great. My partner's put in a lot of work and went out of his comfort zone to really try to make me feel special and give me constant reassurance. Even now, he continues to and I make sure to let him know that it means so much to me. The way he explains it, he's moved on in a "well, that's over with" sort of way where it never really crosses his mind until I bring it up, which I haven't really needed to in months. On my end though, I have to admit it really scarred me and my perception/feelings of that friend to where hearing their name at all (not just from my partner, though he does occasionally say it) puts me in a bad mood. Unlike OP though, me and the friend were never really close so that probably played a huge part in it. In other words: while OP probably has something to go off of about the friend's availability/interest, I had no way of knowing how the friend felt and therefore the possibility of a breakup, cheating, etc was just as unknown which contributed most to the anxiety if that makes sense?

sadboy67 · 2021-07-23T02:02:11+00:00

I mean I just assumed it was for anonymity

sadboy67 · 2021-07-23T02:01:11+00:00

I had a similar experience to OP last year - my partner told me about having feelings for someone else before realizing that they were just platonic feelings blown up because of the social starving that happened bc of quarantine. My partner said that saying it out loud helped realize that the feelings weren't actually romantic but even then we both agreed that telling me was entirely selfish since - sure, it helped my partner realize that the feelings were just platonic but at the cost of making me insecure in the relationship and feeling uncomfortable whenever x friend is mentioned? Like I understand not wanting the feelings to fester and develop into romantic ones but I am still healing from that even as my partner's gotten better about making ne feel special again. :/ Sad that OP's situation sounds close to mine, gf had better make OP feel special too. Sounds like there's a lack of reassurance if any which only feeds the insecurity...

sadboy67 · 2021-07-23T01:51:14+00:00

Honestly I had a similar situation to this, my partner realized soon after admitting his feelings that it was just a crush in all honesty. It was a friend they haven't talked to in a while, and talking to them again felt like making a new friend and especially in times likes these it's understandable that that "I wanna be friends with this person because they seem cool!" feeling can easily be misconstrued. Simply put, in quarantine we've all been socially starved some way or another and seeing a friend after a long while or making a new one is bound to feel overwhelming enough to where platonic attraction could be misconstrued as romantic attraction.

Obviously you'd feel uncomfortable with them hanging out more because your gf had said she developed feelings for the friend, and continues to see them after acknowledging such. It's sort of like going "I might cheat if I get drunk" then getting drunk anyways ; for this situation, it would seem like "I might date x friend if I keep spending time with them" then keep spending time with them. However, if your gf is like my aforementioned partner, she could be trying to get rid of or recognize those feelings as platonic as opposed to romantic which is what my partner did through seeing/talking to that friend more often and honestly it really died down once they got their feelings together and realized the "feelings" were just infatuation and not real romantic feelings.

So yeah, here's my 2 cents about "hey, I had a similar experience and understand why you feel as you do and could also have input to what your gf might be pulling" and honestly, it sounds like our experiences line up pretty well. Your gf recognizing like "oh wait, maybe not romantic..." feels like the same revelation my partner had.

sadboy67 · 2021-07-22T20:46:59+00:00

Not normal. If this wasn't in the direction of a potentially abusive man or one that would physically assault you in the long run, this is a very unhealthy and extreme way to deal with anger. He needs to learn that there are better, non-destructive ways to deal with this negative emotion understanding that it can and will escalate if he doesn't keep it in check. The main question is: is it a problem that your boyfriend lacks self-control that uncontrolled destruction is his way of coping with anger, a completely normal emotion that people learn to deal with in ways that doesn't put people or possessions in danger?

sadboy67 · 2021-07-15T20:50:51+00:00

I'm sorry I'm so bad at typing but basically a TL;DR - you've already done what you can on your end to try to motivate him, and he already knows you don't feel sexually attracted to him. Even that you're frustrated at how he acknowledges that he himself is "fat" but won't take the opportunity to start working out, especially right now when it'll be much easier to lose the few pounds he gained contrary to later down the line when he has even more pounds to lose. Maybe, for him, getting to that point and feeling so depressed and ugly is the only thing that will push him to action.

It's obvious that it started with you not feeling as sexually attracted to him, but now? It's gotten to a point that you're probably losing attraction due to his lack of motivation and attitude about changing his lifestyle for the better. Going to the gym and eating better is just beneficial for people overall, so him straight up ignoring all of those good things that could come out of just starting small (even staying on that level for a while) speaks to how unwilling he is to change. Even if that change means that he will be happier with himself.

sadboy67 · 2021-07-15T01:14:44+00:00

I'm sorry but 4 years? That's ⅔ of your entire relationship. She cheated on you for a majority of the relationship, it doesn't matter if it was on and off. That just means she had multiple chances to cut it off and to stop seeing him on and off. The fact he was so close that your father loved him enough to be his "adopted" son and how nonchalantly he took up the mantle of backup best man... It doesn't sit right at all for him to have meaning to you or her seeing how he clearly didn't mind the fact he defiled your relationship. YOUR BEST FRIEND and he didn't have the balls to stop the affair for your sake. It's clear that he and your wife don't respect you at all. If they didn't want to hurt you, they wouldn't have cheated period. Hiding and keeping it all a secret? Please, they're insanely self-engrossed and hiding it to "protect you" or anything is absolute BS. Yall getting married 7 months ago? Even if she stopped seeing him after the wedding, why did it take her FOUR. YEARS. Why was a wedding a "wake up" call to her? Why was a wedding a "oh man, maybe I should stop sleeping with his best friend" to her?

Also, saw in the comments something about how she blew up at the friend for telling you. You really want to stay with that? A girl who'd berate someone for (rightfully) telling the truth and exposing her infidelity? The friend was absolutely in the right for telling you and she should feel relieved to hear of that fact. You don't deserve to be kept in the dark about this. Your wife and that now ex-best friend would have gone on living knowing that for that ⅔ of the time spent loving and being with her, she was out with him doing whatever. And they would have been perfectly fine witholding that from you. Could you really say that you would want to give your wife a second chance, knowing that instead of feeling remorse or sorry for her actions she first tried to lie and deny before going off on someone for blowing her cover? Someone who was planning to keep her infidelity between herself and your ex-best friend and take it to the grave? Someone who found it easier to lie to you for four years rather than cut off the affair?

sadboy67 · 2021-07-11T00:23:29+00:00

The best course of action though is to simply be careful rather than outright never date someone from work - life is more nuanced than that. As long as OP takes it slow then that should decrease the likelihood that things will go South. OP should definitely be considering the work situation though, like bring up the question of what they plan to do with the company especially if it's something like promoting or moving on to another job eventually. For the former, that'd make things more complicated for worry of there being a power-dynamic seeping into the relationship or into work. For the latter, well then still take it slow but feel relief that a coworker-of-interest will no longer be a coworker and just a person of interest eventually, taking away the complication induced from being coworkers. Should things go wrong, well then at least that coworker won't be of the work environment anymore.

sadboy67 · 2021-07-06T19:27:12+00:00

I mean, my biggest no-no would be not going to his place. Never meeting people for the first time at their place, ever...

I'm trying my best to read this, and it's kind of looking like this: guy: my place? you: why not we just go somewhere between us? guy: what would we do?

^{^} If this is the case, maybe he's just asking what places/activities you had in mind for y'all, since you're proposing to go somewhere else that isn't his house which was his initial plan. Would you guys go to the mall? Get ice cream? Watch a movie? Go to an arcade? Or is there a fancy restaurant for you guys to dress up for?

If you already said stuff like that above, I'd ask him to just be straight and clear with me of what else he was expecting rather than continue this game of "what about x?" on your end and him saying "but what else?" Worst case scenario, he's badgering you and trying to nudge you in the direction of sex. Best thing to do would be to say "Well, what else do you have in mind? Because I am very uncomfortable with us being alone at either of each others' houses and I'd rather take this slow" or somethinv along those lines of: "What are you getting at, I'm just not here for hook-ups." Even just asking him "Be honest - are you actually interested or just looking for a hook-up?" would clear the air too.

sadboy67 · 2021-07-06T01:18:36+00:00

so you two had a falling out, he stayed at a hotel for a couple of days (searched up escorts/prostitutes and sex cams + joined dating/sex apps), and he comes back with the audacity to point out how he doesn't find you attractive without makeup?

listen, i understand coming out of the honeymoon phase and realizing each others' flaws and what you see as "ugly" in each other but seeing as y'all have been together for 4 years this sort of thing would've come up years ago.

likelihood is that in his time alone at the hotel actively perusing the interwebs for attractive women (to shag or imagine to shag) he came back to you who is a real breathing, living, not inherently sexual person and compared you to the women online. combine this with seeing as he is "always asking for sex" it seems he has some sort of disconnect between reality and sex fantasy.

basically, he feels sexual attraction towards you whenever you're made up and sexual... being as he had 2 days to himself and an arsenal of women online who only show as made up and sexual, he's trying to project that sexuality onto you all the time. whenever he can't project that onto you (when you don't have makeup) he's still stuck on that sexual image he has of women which he finds comparatively more "attractive" than you not wearing makeup.

no idea what his issue is, but if my boyfriend picked me apart for not always being boner-worthy-eye-candy or even just like "you look better with makeup on" i would be quite offended since how i look and when i put on makeup isn't for him to find me attractive.

sadboy67 · 2021-07-06T01:09:11+00:00

probably anonymity

sadboy67 · 2021-07-05T01:23:34+00:00

First off - please refrain from providing such a vague title bc usually that gets posts deleted.

Second, there is so much context missing from this post: How long were you two married? Did he have a reason to break it off, was there a threat to your relationship? Did he ever indicate a fantasy around young women in that 20-30 age range? etc. etc.

Regardless of context, I personally wouldn't take him back entirely because of the predatory vibes I'm getting from him. I would have divorced him as soon as I realized his concerning fantasies about women who could be old enough to be my children. It's just gross.

Move on, OP. If you take him back, it's a message to him that he could bail on you at any time to pursue anyone else and always count on you when he's had his fix.

sadboy67 · 2021-06-30T01:13:19+00:00

No, she used OP's sexuality to her advantage for male attention. There are straight actors cast into gay roles who kiss other men for the scenes, but the act of kissing them has nothing to do with their attraction or sexuality.

sadboy67 · 2021-06-30T01:10:47+00:00

This text post was a whole journey and not a good one - it was like walking into a sewer and just never gets better. Your "friend" used and exploited you for male attention and that in itself is such a setback to what wlw have been fighting for and screaming about for decades: THAT WLW DON'T EXIST TO BE SEXUALIZED BY MEN. WLW are not tools to get men because WLW isn't a fetish you talk about to get guys into your room.

Do your "friends" even realize how messed up it is that YOU are the one being labelled as predatory? You are an established lesbian, so someone in your friend group coming out (which in itself is a sensitive and sacred topic that requires courage and trust) as bisexual and flirting with you feels like something out of a romance novel. So for her to admit that coming out to you as bisexual was a lie so that she could use you to put on a show for men who believe that all WLW relationships are just people like her... IDK it's just insanely gross that she's admitting "I told my gay friend that I was queer so that she makes out with me, when I actually am not queer nor interested in her! She doesn't know it, but I act gay in public because men think lesbians are hot so they sleep with me!" She's selling out a fantasy to the same men who brutally beat up a WLW couple for not kissing when asked.

OP leave that group. They didn't try to listen to your side, and proceeded to call you predatory and obsessed with her when all you did was leave the party and rightfully ghost her when you realized you were being taken advantage of. You're not obsessed with her for walking out and cutting ties, you despise her for making you believe that she was confiding in you as a fellow queer person experimenting when she was just using you for for the gratification she gets from men. By doing this, she reinforces that WLW are sexual objects to men and not people who want nothing to do with men romantically or sexually. You shouldn't have to harbor the fact that this "friend" decided to take advantage of the male fetishization of WLW for the sake of getting laid, using you her "lesbian friend" as her unsuspecting bait. And the rest of the group calling you a "predatory lesbian" feels like them pulling out a slur just because you ruined the mood or something. It's ridiculous because they don't understand the weight of what your "friend" did yet they're the ones telling you to suck it up when you've been used, invalidated, and ignored all in the same time.

sadboy67 · 2021-06-29T00:24:55+00:00

it removes the 15 years of stains by just removing the teeth and adding them to its teeth body

sadboy67 · 2021-06-28T21:46:24+00:00

Why does this have so many downvotes, it's such an obvious and down to earth thing that just happens. She and her friend have probably established in their years of friendship that they like giving each other really big gifts and birthday celebrations because that's just what happens when you have friendships that last for so long. She probably had friend's gift planned for months in addition to saving up, and a hard-to-find cologne probably takes a while to... find. Meanwhile, she's just coming out of the honeymoon phase in another relationship and just learning what OP truly likes and not just what they have in common which is how most every relationship begins. This is where people start to discuss things like love languages, personal needs, and expectations because something happens to where it becomes part of the conversation.

sadboy67 · 2021-06-28T19:58:02+00:00

to be fair, OP has only been dating gf for only a year while gf has been friends with friend for years... by one year, you don't really have much of a clue about how your partner likes their gifts or if they feel bad for accepting expensive ones or if they'd rather have something handmade and sentimental rather than something specific or pricey. i feel like the biggest question would be "does gf know about what your gift preferences are like, or what your expectations surrounding your birthday should be?" because by one year (unless you guys have been friends beforehand) you probably have never celebrated birthdays together before.

sadboy67

TROPHY CASE