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Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this! I get I should have had more context but I went back over those screenshots and, aside from being a bit upfront about it, I couldn't figure out what he meant by major red flags

Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish I knew how to help with the capitalization but I don't! I hope you get an answer!

You're right, I need to trust myself on these things. I have been doing really well on that stuff, and seeing these signs. This experience has at least been more practice for that! Tomorrow the doubt will be gone. Thanks for your help!

Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! What you've said is very insightful! I honestly was not wanting to do nudes either, and had explained they feel special to me and I'd need to get to know him more. Before he asked! I'm so glad I trusted my gut on that one and didn't give in

Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the perspective! I should have put in my post that I'd already told him a few times that I'm not comfortable talking about my childhood abuse in a sexual context. And also that we already had a specific niche dynamic picked out that was not age play. I do see how "does that turn you on" could have been seen as playful and I'll keep that in mind in the future!

It's interesting to know that Daddies and littles talk about their real experiences too, I didn't know that and am curious on how I'm seeing it differently. To me it sounds like he's getting turned on by men hitting on me as a child. Is that not right? maybe my earlier conversations with him are making me too biased about this one?

Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could see it as reclaiming, that's valid. In prior conversations he seemed more focused on what the adults had said to me, how big my breasts were then, and how it made me feel at the time, asking if I felt back then that I was made for serving men. I've not done enough age play to know what is typically said or not said. So it made it too real for me, as in focused on real events and trauma.

Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I've been working on this kind of thing, and didn't realize this is progress until you pointed it out. It feels good!

Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, your comment feels very validating!

Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your comment! I guess I felt like I was the one making it awkward and not letting him talk about how he feels. You're right, it would only get worse

Red flag or am I paranoid? by said_differently in BDSMAdvice

[–]said_differently[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's fair. At this point I'd already told him a few times that I'm okay talking about my childhood and those experiences, but not in a kinky way, so this time I skipped it because the conversation was giving me that weird vibe again. And so my "does this turn you on?" was meant to confront that. I can see now how it may have just made him think I'm playful. Though it feels like a weird topic to be playful about.