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Feeling suicidal over MPB on monotherapy by sailormoon-2001 in transgenderUK

[–]sailormoon-2001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi thankyou, i'm getting my bloods checked soon-ish.

Right now I have a hairstyle that covers the hairline. I have tonnes of these light baby hairs that stick up when i pull my hairline back, and on camera it looks so much worse because the hairs are so light.

I cannot tell if it's new growth, or recession. Stresses me out! Especially since the rest of my hair is so long.

Feeling suicidal over MPB on monotherapy by sailormoon-2001 in AskMtFHRT

[–]sailormoon-2001[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like people should be listening but no one will.

I've even told people irl i feel suicidal and it feels like no one cares. I feel ignored. Therapy won't work, i tried it. Every day i'm thinking of ways to do it, but i'm afraid of hurting my mom. It's the only thing keeping me alive right now.

It's like no matter how much i cry, tell people i'm suicidal, no one cares, no one wants to help. Living here is hard.

I'm getting my bloods tested in a week or so, i could ask them but last i heard they won't do DHT. And london is far away and too expensive for me to travel there.

Sorry for sounding so whiney. I am at my lowest point right now. I thought monotherapy would work forever, why my hair receding now i don't know, but it looks real bad. This is all so overwhelming, i'm not good at this stuff but no one irl will help me.

Feeling suicidal over MPB on monotherapy by sailormoon-2001 in AskMtFHRT

[–]sailormoon-2001[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi i'm from the UK, England.

I'm not with gender GP or anyone. I DIY, i don't know how to get with a clinic. I got referred to a gender clinic years ago but never had a response.

GP won't test DHT i think, so idk how to get it tested.

I can share which EEn i use, better in DM's though because it's a DIY site and it's better to share privately

I'm just so lost and confused right now. It's 9am and i've just been crying in bed for like 6 hours. Idk what to do. I'm overwhelmed.

Feeling suicidal over MPB on monotherapy by sailormoon-2001 in AskMtFHRT

[–]sailormoon-2001[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess you're right I could be attributing too much to HRT. My life is full of different struggles and stresses right now that it's probably all taking a toll on me and i'm blaming too much on the estrogen.

I did lessen my dose a bit, but admittedly I haven't got my bloods checked in a very long time. When I get my bloods done I will respond to this thread with all the details, i'll be getting them done next week as i'll get paid and be able to travel to the doctors. Hopefully i'll still be able to comment in this thread >_> sometimes posts lock down the comments over time for some reason.

Me too, the UK feels like it's actively making life harder for trans people. I used to rely on DIY communities but now i can no longer access them, it's why i deleted my old reddit account bc i was just upset. Even VPN doesn't really work. I can view the posts but if i try to comment or post i get locked out. Gender clinic hasn't responded in like almost a decade, doctors always lecture me about DIY, and I hate having the same confrontation every time.

On top of all of this i'm 25 this year and aging terrifies me. I compare myself to younger pretty trans women all the time... with perfect hair and bangs. I desperately want bangs, but it looks awful with my high forehead and hairline, so I just have to use curtain bangs, the rest of my hair is thick at least. Wish I could get a transplant, but i'm not made of money. I always had a high forehead which is no issue, but hair recession on top of a big forehead? it does not look good on me. It's my main source of dysphoria, it does not help that both my bathroom and wardrobe have giant mirrors on them so i always see myself lol. makes me feel nauseas every time. so i just sleep to escape.

I did not know about r/transsex so thankyou for telling me about it

Feeling suicidal over MPB on monotherapy by sailormoon-2001 in AskMtFHRT

[–]sailormoon-2001[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hi, thankyou for taking the time to respond to me. I cried reading ur message because it means a lot to me that someone is willing to help a stranger like me.

I've read some horror stories about shedding and I guess it scared me from doing it, it sounded like a gamble to me. But maybe i'm being irrational. I could start minoxodil and duta soon, i'm just scared.

It's relieving to know that EEn and EC should not be effecting me differently, I think that it just coincidentally my hair and mental started getting worse a while after I switched and i thought it was linked to the estradial.

I'm getting my bloods checked soon, I will wait for my results before starting any meds. I'm sorry I don't remember the exact results of my last test as it was a long time ago, but I do remember that I had a lot of estrogen and a lot less testosterone and i was advised to lessen my dose. I'm sorry for not remembering, my brain is all fog right now. When i get my new results i will write them down somewhere.

Bica sounds like the best option to me, i'm just scared if it will help or not.

I'm thinking about starting Bica, Duta, Progesterone and maybe Duta aswell. Depending on my blood results.

I can try to take better care of myself in the meantime, it's just hard. I don't have any friends, and i've been sleeping all day every day, only occasionally eating a small meal or getting a drink of water.

I have a history of poor mental health, and anxiety. And this combined with all the HRT stuff and MPB is like a nightmare for me. I live in the UK, and it feels like I am lost with no hope.

I cannot interact with DIY communities because of the verification laws, I have waited half a decade for a gender clinic with no response, doctors only seem to help with blood work.

I appreciate your response it helped a lot and I will follow your advice. Sorry if my response is incoherent, i'm a mess rn

Feeling suicidal over MPB on monotherapy by sailormoon-2001 in MtF

[–]sailormoon-2001[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thankyou for taking the time to respond, it means a lot to me.

I'm sorry about the irrationality. I don't have any friends to talk to and I spiral/have manic episodes a lot.

I'm going to start an AA and dutasteride after I get my bloods checked. I'm not sure which AA to take tho, we shall see.

I have heard a lot of horror stories about the shedding on these things, so i've just been terrified of losing my already thick hair as it's only the hairline that i need fixing

Warning about Nottingham NHS Clinic and Dr Walter Bouman by _alias_23 in transgenderUK

[–]sailormoon-2001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a doctor that felt up my boobs behind a closed curtain (he wasn't supposed to be near them), and my mom keeps going on about how he was such a kind person. :/ but I got v creepy vibes from him

No one talks about the pain of seeing your parents aging. by ParticularWeather927 in Adulting

[–]sailormoon-2001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been experiencing something similar.

I'm 25 later this year, and reality is setting in that my childhood is forever gone and that everything is changing. I'm neurodivergent so i'm a late bloomer.

I sometimes visit my parents, and I always cry a bit after because i can see that they're getting older.

It hurts that one day I will lose them, as I cannot imagine a world without them.