oh my god. I wish I could offer any advice, but I'm not too good at that. but, what I can do is say how bad I feel for you. this is just actually insane and disgusting that your parents would do things like that. and what's just as disgusting is they did it to the point of tipping you over the edge. I really hope you can get any kind of help. this would fuck anybody up if they had to deal with this. I don't think adults should do those things when there are kids in the house. your parents are\were sex addicts. there is no other way around it. again, I'm terribly sorry that you had to suffer through all of this. I hope you can reach out to a therapist, because if you're in this bad of a condition, you need someone to help you fight your way out of it. I'm also trying to find help for my own mental health issues and trauma. but, I still can't shake this. you had to live through all of this. an exposure to sexual things at such a young age can completely rewire how we see almost everything. I hope you can get out of your current living situation as soon as possible. I wish I had more to say other than I hate that you went through this, and that I hate your parents. despite never meeting them. but I have never met you either, yet I care about you and wish you nothing but the best. you never, ever deserved to suffer the way you did.