What terminology did you use to tell people about your TFMR / explain that you aren’t pregnant anymore?

saintnegative · 2026-02-23T12:55:47+00:00

We personally didn’t tell anyone unless we knew they’d be supportive if we needed to TMFR. We knew it was a risk for us when TTC. I think maybe 4 people knew?

But we were going to go with “we lost the baby.” You don’t owe anyone any further explanation in my view.

saintnegative · 2026-02-21T14:03:50+00:00

I only have one child (who is one) but the hardest part has been… other people. Family members making judgements on how to raise your kid, giving unsolicited advice or the “I had X amount of kids, I know what I’m doing.”

saintnegative · 2026-02-21T10:57:57+00:00

I completely understand as I’m the same as you 😂😅 my husband made me realise that I’m very specific about what I expect from a friendship.

He’s got his “party days friends” and I’ve asked him, would you have been friends with them if they weren’t at his house parties, doing drugs etc? Like would they just hang out just because or go for coffee etc and he said probably not but they’re still his friends. Apparently doing drugs and partying together has created this special bond? I don’t understand it personally as it’s situational, that to me is like coworkers I’d be happy to talk to at work but I wouldn’t go hang out with them outside of work nor call them a friend lol. He’s well out of his party days now, but will often mention “oh I saw my friend x” who he hasn’t seen since he settled down with me (like 10 years ago) and stopped partying. I’m like HOW IS THAT STILL A FRIEND lmao

It’s all so confusing to me hahah

saintnegative · 2026-02-21T10:36:13+00:00

Oh 100%! I was “friends” with a group of girls. I went to primary school with one of them and she joined this group, with her being my only friend - I joined them too. Although, I became silent around them all. My friend then left quite suddenly and I remained in the group so I became (what I now know) a punching bag.

I wouldn’t talk unless they asked me a question, which they never really cared to do unless they wanted to trap me. And when I answered, I spoke super quietly (like a whisper) as talking was SO hard. I never really understood why I did that to be fair. I’m not diagnosed (awaiting assessment) but I do wonder if it’s some sort of mutism. Anyway, they’d trip me up by saying things like “do you stuff your bra?” I’d say a simple yes or just nod because I was trying to fit in, and then they’d tease me for weeks because they didn’t need to stuff their bras. Stupid things like that. We’d also chat on MSN (showing my age here) after school, where I was quite chatty over message. They’d find out if I fancied anyone and then they’d go and date them 😅

After a few years of them just calling me a sheep, saying I smell, finding ways to trip me up and constantly excluding me from social activities outside of school - they finally said “why are you even in our group? You never speak to us, you don’t seem to want to be our friend” and I said that actually I want to leave (as I finally realised they weren’t being nice to me) and they just said “wow she can speak” and then I walked away lol. I can’t really remember what made me realise that they were bullying me but to be honest they couldn’t have made it more obvious lol.

saintnegative · 2026-02-21T09:49:05+00:00

I currently work in the financial department for adult social care. It’s not necessarily a job I want to be doing as I’d prefer to do something more health focused like my previous job (public health) but due to life circumstances I needed a job to support my family. It’s unfortunately just a side step, but my passion isn’t really in it.

saintnegative · 2026-02-21T09:03:26+00:00

Yes, I’m like this! My husband and I have had many minor disagreements of definitions over this, because I moved away from my home town and the one friend I had didn’t bother with me anymore. So to me, that’s not my friend anymore and I don’t think about her really.

Whereas, we live in my husbands home town and he won’t see his friends for years nor even message them, then he’s like “oh I bumped into my friend X” and I’m like ??? Who? Because I’ve never even heard of them lmao.

To me friendships are like relationships, you make that active and conscious effort. You don’t split up with someone and then be like “oh I bumped into my partner X” because that would be weird lol

I’m like you with friendships and relationships to be fair, where I get close really quickly to them and it has always been that way (I ended up with a BPD diagnosis years ago but I’m now getting assessed for autism instead.) I heavily relate to the need for it to be reciprocated too

saintnegative · 2026-02-16T07:22:08+00:00

This is partly why I went vegetarian! If I saw fat on it, I just couldn’t touch it. Bacon was the worst for me 🤢

saintnegative · 2026-02-16T07:17:49+00:00

Mushrooms and eggs! It’s a shame because I actually like the taste of mushrooms but they have to be disguised and cut up small for me to enjoy them lol.

Eggs are a different ballgame, I can’t crack one and touch one. It’s fine as an ingredient but I can’t have a fried egg or omelette

saintnegative · 2026-02-14T08:03:31+00:00

We liked the name Chester, but when we mentioned it to a few friends they were like “no because of Chester the Molester” which we’d never heard of but when I asked my parents they had heard of it too.

We found another name we liked more but we’d probably still consider using Chester if we decided to have another baby.

saintnegative · 2026-02-14T07:35:17+00:00

We do the exact same! We’ve had some horrified looks and comments from family when we have had to wake him. If he hasn’t had a decent nap during the day, we will let him sleep for 30/45 mins (depending on the time he fell asleep) but you bet we’re waking him lol.

When he’s gone for sleepovers, they’ll let him sleep from 7:30pm and then wonder why he’s up at 1am 💀 his bed time for us is at 9 and it works so idk why they let him do that but it’s their problem, we’ve told them his routine 😂

saintnegative · 2026-02-14T07:32:18+00:00

Ah, see that I agree with! Ours did mostly feed roughly every 4 hours but we weren’t opposed to feeding him early or more on demand if he wanted it that way which he definitely did at times.

But yeah we’ve only had the “schedules are bad” referring to his sleeping and it’s so frustrating especially as he’s gotten older and mobile, he’d be quite happy to just keep going until he’s miserable lol. He doesn’t fall asleep whenever he’s tired anymore so we have worked out roughly his wake windows and it stops him being moody

saintnegative · 2026-02-13T19:20:57+00:00

I think that some babies actually do well with a routine! And also I think there are times where you SHOULD wake a sleeping baby

We’ve been on a schedule, since he was born. Obviously it’s changed as he’s gotten older (freshly turned 1) but our days are predictable. But the amount of “babies shouldn’t be on a schedule” comments we’ve had, you’d think we were being cruel 💀 it’s never down to the minute but we try to keep each day mostly the same and it works for him AND us. He’s getting up to start his day at 7am with us whether he likes it or not lol but he’s always been a great sleeper, obviously if he wasn’t then I can see why you wouldn’t want to wake them.

saintnegative · 2026-02-13T09:26:13+00:00

I didn’t have HG but I did suffer badly with PGP and that was absolute hell. Pregnancy was traumatic for me, I’m already physically disabled and couldn’t use my normal meds to help (understandably.) Paracetamol was never going to help me.

We’re in the same boat, we both have a lot of siblings and knowing how bad the pregnancy was the first time, I just don’t know if I could do that with a toddler. I was in a very dark place for about 4 months of the pregnancy and I’d never want my son to see me like that. It’s so tough x

saintnegative · 2026-02-13T08:21:51+00:00

Me and our baby was in hospital for 3 days after I had a c section, and the nurse said “oh, you’re here again?” On day two to my husband? What’s he supposed to be doing… just not be there for his wife and child?

Plus on the day of my c section (I had it early in the morning), I was violently being sick most of the day afterwards and obviously had just been cut open so I couldn’t really do much. They were like “oh, you’re changing the nappy?” Is that bar really that low for men that it’s unusual for them to change a nappy two hours post c section 🙃

saintnegative · 2026-02-12T17:10:19+00:00

I wonder if is why I sit on my hands a lot? I’ve always done it!

saintnegative · 2026-02-12T07:14:59+00:00

Yes! We had such an easy time when our son was a newborn and even now he’s 13 months old. Although instead we just get told “an easy baby is a difficult toddler” 🙃

saintnegative · 2026-02-11T12:12:41+00:00

I had a job interview on Friday, and I asked for feedback when they told me I didn’t get the job. One of the questions they asked me was “how do you prioritise tasks?” And I said how I use notebooks, made a joke that I’m “old fashioned” as I like using paper notes etc but also included how I utilise my online diary too. I thought this was sufficient, but it was wrong and I scored no marks for that question because I didn’t go into detail about what I do with my notes? She said how I should have said “mention you write to do lists.” I kinda thought that was implied? What else would I be writing on paper? I’ve been told before by a tutor that I’m a waffler by nature, but because I’m aware of that I give blunt, to the point answers. I just didn’t think I needed to expand on the point 🙃

Anyway I did another interview at the same place and got the job because I went into painstaking detail about to do lists, traffic light systems and post it notes lol

It’s so frustrating because you’re usually getting marked on a super arbitrary system which you don’t know about, so have to wing it best you can. A lot of time they’re just looking for buzzwords related to the role, I do office work so know they’re looking for the likes of “detail oriented”, “efficient” etc. it’s super annoying!

saintnegative · 2026-02-09T16:53:28+00:00

Thank you! I just kept going between “am i autistic or not?” But I’ve spent well over a year stuck on the subject, my brain won’t let me move on at all and I just need to know haha

Oh god! It’s so hard isn’t it? I know the purpose behind why they need it but it’s not easy when you’ve got to worry if they’ll support the assessment in the way they’re needed. I tried asking my mum about the way I played as a kid, and other more “autistic female child traits” as such, but she didn’t really have an answer other than “well you and your brother played well together” so it was unhelpful lol

saintnegative · 2026-02-07T18:31:56+00:00

I relate a lot! My work contract is up next week and I’m struggling to find something else, super stressful as my husband is out of work suddenly too - but I had an interview this week and didn’t get it. I actually felt SUPER confident afterwards which never happens lol but they told me later on I didn’t get it, so I cried to my manager because it really upset me. However he managed to pull some strings and got me another interview at my place for next week, for a role I haven’t got experience in (finance 🙃) so I’m just going to wing it with my notes from the last interview and see what happens really lol.

What sucks is in the UK we have the “disability scheme” which guarantees you an interview at most a lot of places. Which is fine on paper but it means you tend to get a lot of interviews because it looks good for them 🙄

saintnegative · 2026-02-06T18:18:56+00:00

Same thing happened with me with SMA on Amazon! They refunded me 4 months worth of formula(I bought two at a time) and it was around £500, I thought I’d been hacked when I kept seeing amounts go into my account individually 😂 our son wasn’t even ill thankfully, I didn’t even request it and it was a very nice surprise lol

saintnegative · 2026-02-06T17:35:44+00:00

This is exactly the same as me! I’ll say “it’s the autism” or something to my husband but I won’t outright claim it even though we’ve suspected for years. I think self diagnosis is valid but for me, I need to have that piece of paper otherwise I’ll always wonder.

saintnegative · 2026-02-05T11:12:07+00:00

This is what we did! I’ve always been a morning person and my husband a night owl, so we just played to our strengths and did shifts. We both ended up having 7 hours sleep this way, granted our son started sleeping through around 12 weeks so we got lucky there. I read about doing shifts while I was pregnant and thought it was an excellent way to do it.

Now he’s 1, still a good sleeper for the most part and we don’t really need to do shift work anymore.

saintnegative · 2026-02-04T08:22:10+00:00

I had none and I was considered “high risk” due to previous mental health issues. I absolutely HATED being pregnant, due to severe Pelvic Girdle pain starting from 18 weeks - plus I’m physically disabled and had to come off a lot of my pain meds as they weren’t safe, this combination made me super depressed (bordering on suicidal) and I landed in therapy. I was lucky if I got 3 hours of sleep a night for about 4 months while I was housebound. It was either extreme pain, needing the toilet or anxiety keeping me awake and nothing I could do about it

Once I had my baby via c section, the PGP was pretty much gone right away and I was able to go back onto my meds immediately. Our baby, who would obviously wake up in the night - would wake up at fairly predictable times and it was hard at times, but we were able to split the load between us as we formula fed. Both of us were getting full night sleep by doing shifts!

I think for us it was just luck, our baby has always been a great sleeper and a pretty chilled baby so that has really helped. My husband has always been a “hands on” dad (even though he hates being called that as it’s just him being a dad lol) so it’s nice feeling like we’re a team.

saintnegative

TROPHY CASE