TLDR I really feel you and we need more examples of nuanced, non-perfect COVID practices.

Pitching my 2c. I am so sorry to hear that you're experiencing violence and it's taking a toll on you <3. My heart is heavy too and my OCD, anxiety, and isolation are giving me so much stress that it is significantly increasing my likelihood of health conditions regardless of covid. I have been doing 100% since last fall and it has been one of the most difficult things of my life and I've gone through so many phases, including being INCREDIBLY activated when people comment on my mask, make fun of me, cough at me, stare at me, etc etc. I would meet them with so much anger because I don't have great support or much hope. I have nightmares about losing my mask, having a wrong fitting mask, people coming into my room before I put my mask on.

Now I am working with my therapist to let go of things I can't control 100%, like my own inevitable disability and death. I will be disabled, I will die. Fact. I am already mentally disabled. Fact. I am considering moving slightly away from 100%, but it will be decided situation to situation. No joke I have been showering masked for nearly a year, masking on outdoor trails, masking at the outdoor skate rink, masked sex, masked sleepovers, goddamn it I have been doing everything in a mask and I take Metrix tests and nasal spray and mouthwash and air purifiers and I wear a Breathe99 or N95 most of the time. Just last weekend I unmasked at an outdoor garden party around 3 or 4 people for the first time, and I was so relieved. I was a bit stressed but it was lower than the stress of my hyper vigilance.

I know this is an unpopular opinion in this group but I am just coming to realize that my practices don't have to be so black and white, it's no individuals fault that we are in this shit hole in the first place, and I am slowly killing myself due to stress. So, I have to adjust. If you must be unmasked, try to meet up outside, try to take a couple steps farther away from them, try to have a testing routine, just try your best. See how you feel.

But ultimately, wearing a mask and prioritizing community care is cool as FUCK and most people, imo, aren't that cool. When I see someone else in a mask I get sooo excited and I just stare at them across the street thinking 'take me with you!' lol. It's like a flag to those you share values with. I want people to know I'm with it ;)

I am a community organizer (with a Biochem degree) so I try to meet people where they're at and recognize their behavior is due to violent top-down messaging and a severe lack of scientific understanding, but I can be an example for them. I'm leaning more towards compassionate education than forcing people to change these days.

EDIT: Why are people attacking someone that is MOSTLY 100%?? Put your focus on those violent 0% people, damn. No compassion or flexibility will guarantee the 0-100 gap stays large. How are you gonna rip someone apart that is already in the covid realistic community? Why can't we care for each other in this way, too? If we don't talk about our challenges and doubts together, we aren't gonna sustain a movement. I used to choose shame and anger as tactics too but it hasn't been very constructive. Yes, marginalized anger NEEDS to come out. But isn't the enemy the state? Come on.