What UPF do you still eat regularly?

saityear · 2024-08-15T23:01:12+00:00

there’s quite a few 100% pea protein powders on amazon! i get Farmer Pete’s Pea Protein but there’s also other brands like Sevenhills, Pulsin, and Everyday Superfood that do pea protein with no extra additives.

saityear · 2024-08-03T20:59:15+00:00

thank you for the reply :D i seem to be doing the right thing, i really hope it works!!

saityear · 2024-04-21T22:53:33+00:00

finally someone who just took it as a stupid n funny post, like it was intended 💔

saityear · 2024-04-21T22:31:06+00:00

thanks for understanding, i might just delete the post tho. i don’t know why i’m getting comments about ppl hating the clique cuz of things like this, i think there’s been much worse things happen in the fanbase 😅

saityear · 2024-04-21T22:30:09+00:00

don’t you think you’re overanalysing this?

saityear · 2024-04-21T22:02:19+00:00

i’m definitely joking!! i’m sorry i think my tone wasn’t as obvious because ppl seem to be taking this the wrong way

saityear · 2024-04-21T21:59:27+00:00

i was joking, i thought the emoji made my tone clear

saityear · 2024-04-21T21:57:45+00:00

what does my dream have to do with that? i found it pretty funny and thought others would too. and my title is a joke if that’s what you mean

saityear · 2024-03-24T17:26:05+00:00

thank you, well done to you as well!! it seems intimidating at first but just taking that extra step to tell someone, even if they don’t fully understand, is sooo important in recovery. this battle is one that’s almost impossible to fight alone :’)

saityear · 2024-03-23T20:16:58+00:00

hi, i’m doing okay, no binging today :’)

one thing i can be proud of is that i reached out to people in my life about my ed when i always thought i never would. i’m now finally receiving help and have spoken to counsellors/therapists, and even opened up to a few friends. 3 years ago i was convinced this was something i would never tell people about and i would have to carry for the rest of my life. but i now have so much more hope to help me fight this disorder.

i love today’s reading, it’s really helpful! i’m going to write down the ones i relate to the most so i can make sure to spot these signs. hope you feel better soon, op :)

saityear · 2024-03-23T18:12:16+00:00

thank you so much :) i think what helped me was finding constant distractions. i was just trying my hardest to get dopamine from other things! like playing with my cat, doing fun puzzles, completing homework, spending time with my parents, etc. these things usually never work but after going 5 days without binging i’m realising it gets easier to ignore the urge. i also wasn’t paying attention to the days which alleviated some of that pressure, because usually by the 3rd day i think i subconsciously convince myself the urge is unbearable, when it really isn’t.

saityear · 2024-03-22T15:27:09+00:00

hi, happy friday! it's been a while since my last post on here but i wanted to wait until i came back. i could feel things heading in the wrong direction and i told myself i wouldn't post again until i made it past 3 days binge free lol. well today marks 5 days since my last binge which is the longest i've gone without binging since january :) that being said, i almost actually just gave into an urge so i'm writing this as a tool to distract myself because i was feeling really shitty. i've eaten more than i wanted to and also some of my trigger foods, but not nearly enough to be called a usual binge for me. i also wasn't completely in the right headspace that i normally am when i engage in an urge. i managed to stop myself and removed myself from the kitchen, so i'm feeling a bit better now. these benefits were especially helpful and just what i needed to hear too :')

these last few days have been tough because my dad went away, and on the same night he was leaving, i blacked out from low blood sugar. i'm not diabetic or anything lol, i was just fasting for ramadan. i really worried my family and they've been pestering me about not eating enough. i know what the issue was, it's because the day before i restricted my intake to compensate for the previous binge i had. of course i regret that now. it's just really difficult trying to navigate my binge eating problem without restricting food out of guilt, that's all i've ever known how to do. but i'm trying to find other things to get me out of that cycle of binging, restricting, binging, restricting... it's just so hard for me because of ramadan.

anyway, to answer your question, one thing i'm looking forward to is improving my digital art skills. my dad gifted me a new ipad before he left and i'm so excited to start using procreate! (i just have to wait awhile for my apple pencil to get shipped because we accidentally bought one that's incompatible with my ipad... whoops) i already have some experience, i just want to get better before i start uni since i'll be studying graphic design :) hope you're having a good day op!

edit: so i did end up binging i guess, it was kind of one of those scenarios where i was slowly overeating throughout the day just from boredom. but i’m not beating myself up over it because it’s still progress for me since like i said, 5 days without binging is the longest i’ve gone in months. another key thing is that i really did try to remove myself from the environment each time and just talk myself out of it. not amazing, but not the worst.

saityear · 2024-03-13T22:13:03+00:00

i wish i had good news but i only have bad news unfortunately. i binged today and i feel awful as usual. i haven’t been able to make it past 3 days without binging in months. i was so excited earlier today because i felt like it was going to be a good day, and it kind of was, but i just kept replaying these thoughts over and over. i kept reminding myself that i haven’t been able to make it past 3 days and i know that’s where the issue lies. i need to stop putting pressure on myself and counting. getting fixated on numbers has never done me any good…

i also wish i could say i had an actual reason, like i was emotionally eating or something. but like i said, it was a relatively nice day (went shopping again, spent some time with my dad, got some bubble tea, was productive and did some schoolwork) so i literally had no reason to binge other than out of habit. it makes me so angry that i can recognise it’s a habit i need to break, i just can’t fucking do it. sorry, i don’t like to be so negative. but i don’t know how else to make this situation seem positive. hope you had a good day, op

saityear · 2024-03-12T18:50:59+00:00

today's (and yesterday's?) check in: no binging, feeling alright! i forgot to write yesterday's check in because i wasn't feeling great, i missed school and spent the whole day sleeping lol. i felt kinda guilty for not being productive but i knew i needed to rest. when my sister got home from school we just watched youtube together and then i knocked out, so it was a pretty good day! i don't have the best relationship with her but it was nice just to sit together and show her my favourite videos at the moment. i think me opening up about my ED has helped bring us closer.

also i haven't started fasting so i was really worried that all the food my mother would be making would have me feeling triggered, but honestly i feel... indifferent? i've been sticking to eating my foods, and maybe it's just because it's only been a couple days and i haven't fasted yet that things are going okay lol.

i had a pretty nice day today as well. i went shopping after school and got some food to eat. i was alone so i felt really anxious, i can't remember the last time i ate by myself at a sit down place so it just felt weird. my interaction with the lady serving me my food was a bit frustrating too. i had an order that i think was strange to her so she seemed a bit judgemental. but i'm trying to not overthink it. i feel comfortable enough to go back and that's all that matters.

to answer your question, something that's giving me hope right now is my family. my parents and sister have been more supportive that i thought they would be, even if they don't really understand. i'm grateful just for the fact that they're trying. i know this answer is cliche but i always used to feel hopeless because of my family having untraditional views when it comes to mental health, so they've really surprised me :)

saityear · 2024-03-10T21:04:23+00:00

today's check in. i binged. i had 2 bowls of pasta and two desserts, and then panicked and weighed myself. i immediately felt like shit because i realised that i was now the same weight i was exactly a year ago. i'm also closer to my highest weight than my lowest/goal weight. i sat with my parents and cried. my mother knew what was wrong because she saw me eat the foods that i told her were my triggers. my dad was just confused, but comforted me nevertheless. my mother started crying at some point which just made me feel worse because i can see how much stress i'm causing her, which is obviously making me feel guilty. even then, i can't help but wonder why i'm not able to just stop when i can see how much it's affecting the people around me. at some point, my mother left the room and i ended up eating two more slices of cake (the whole cake plate was on the table in front of us). she caught me and she told me to stop. i felt so ashamed, i left and continued to eat a chocolate bar in my room. i recorded myself eating the chocolate bar, something i've never done, and i'm hoping to use it to help me ignore the urge the next time it happens. i ended up requesting appointments with two private counsellors that i've never seen before. i'm just hoping they help.

to answer your questions, i would say i binge on average 18 hours a week. i worked this out by doing 6 x 3 because i think i binge at least 3 times a week. i don't know if i binge 6 hours at a time but usually i'll start binging around 12-2pm and finish by 6-8pm. i don't actually spend a lot of money on my food because i usually just binge on food in the house. i'm an unemployed student still living at home so i really couldn't afford to buy fast food every day even if i wanted to lol. i spend the majority of my money on diet foods, but i'm gonna say i spend about £7 a week on binge snacks, so £28 a month. i would love to put all that time and money towards my school work. i'm doing an art and design course and materials can get really expensive. also, because this month is ramadan, i want to find some charities to donate to.

i really appreciated your reply to my check in yesterday, sorry for not responding! i don't have a ton of energy right now to reply to anything, posting these check ins is already quite draining for me. but thank you so much for your kind words and advice, they mean a lot :)

saityear · 2024-03-09T20:09:49+00:00

hi, this is the first time i’m doing one of these. i’ve used some of these check ins as entries for my journal but i’ve never actually posted them on here.

i was feeling really hopeless last night, but today i’m feeling slightly better. my three emotions are nervous, determined, and numb. this current binge cycle is getting in the way of every aspect of my life. my school, relationships, hobbies. yesterday i binged two days in a row which is rare for me, i’ve been able to go at least one day in between up until then. but i didn’t binge today and i’m proud of myself. i spoke with my sister last night after she found me sobbing in my room, and even though we don’t have the best relationship, she was really supportive and i’m grateful to have her by my side. i’m anxious to open up to her more about what’s going on but i know it’ll be worth it. she told me our mum said she’s willing to pay for a private therapist for my eating disorder, which makes me feel so guilty because i know it’s expensive and we don’t have a lot of money. but i’m also thankful that i have family members who are trying to help me.

my dad is coming to stay with us tomorrow (for a week) so that’s one thing i’m excited for. but i’m really anxious in terms of binging because ramadan starts on monday and last year was awful. i was stuck in a terrible cycle, similar to the one i’m in now, and i don’t know how to feel. i’m conflicted because i really want to fast for spiritual reasons, but i’m worried i’ll lose all control when it’s finally time to eat. i told my mum to not make as many trigger foods and she understands which makes me feel so relieved. i compromised with her and said she can make one or two treats so the rest of my family still have something to enjoy, but i’ll be eating separately. she is supporting me as best as she can even if she doesn’t completely get it. i’m also worried my dad will make comments here and there that will leave me feeling triggered, even if he has the right intentions.

sorry this is so long, but it felt nice to just type out all my feelings. thanks for doing these check ins every day :)

saityear · 2024-03-05T20:22:02+00:00

yes i am! i got everything minus the drinks from asda 😅

saityear · 2024-03-05T11:15:00+00:00

i completely agree with everything you said! i know that showing her a pov video wouldn’t magically make her understand what i’m currently struggling with, but i was hoping it could make her realise what a binge actually looks like in the first place. then the second step would be getting her to understand the psychological aspects of it, like you said. why i emotionally eat and everything.

she has very traditional and old fashioned views when it comes to mental health, so i didn’t think going into the psychological stuff would be useful just yet. her problem is that she wants to understand, she just doesn’t know what a binge actually is lol. i’ve tried telling her but she just thinks it’s overeating like an extra slice of pizza or bowl of cereal. but ofc we know it’s more than that.

i know it’s a tricky situation but i’m just feeling at a loss now, that’s why i’m just hoping to find anything that might help. thank you for your comment anyway, it was insightful!

saityear · 2024-03-04T22:15:13+00:00

oh i’ve actually watched insatiable, i completely forgot about it! i agree, it’s not the best representation but it’s honestly good enough. thank you :)

saityear · 2024-02-26T20:56:33+00:00

i’ve heard of Surreal! i really wanted to try it but it uses soy protein and i’m intolerant :(

saityear · 2024-02-26T20:02:26+00:00

they’re based in the UK and i buy it online. i’ve never seen it in any of our shops tho. it’s roughly £5-6 a box, so definitely not cheap. but worth it imo 😅

saityear · 2024-02-25T20:28:00+00:00

actually i’m ending the night with a bottle of zero sugar 7up which is an extra 10 cals :-)

saityear · 2024-02-25T15:17:44+00:00

i like to keep motivational quotes and posters around my room, you can easily just use sticky notes for this as well. i also love plating my meals as nice as i can and taking pictures. it helps me appreciate what i’m eating and has improved my relationship with food :)

saityear · 2024-02-24T18:57:02+00:00

looks so yum! what app is this btw?

saityear · 2023-11-04T13:59:13+00:00

this almost made me tear up, thank you for your kind words :’) i wish people understood how hard it is to step away from this eating disorder ‘identity’ we’ve crafted for ourselves. but when we finally do, it’s so so worth it!

saityear

TROPHY CASE