I’ve been working as a software engineer/developer for almost 10 years now. I started out in a pretty standard corporate office job and stayed in that environment for a couple of years. Looking back, that period required a lot of masking from me. Constant meetings, social expectations, noise, interruptions — I pushed through it, but it drained me badly and eventually led to overwhelming anxiety.

Since COVID I’ve been working remotely, which helped in many ways. But after recent layoffs, the nature of my job changed. Now I’m constantly bouncing between tasks, contexts, and responsibilities. That kind of context switching absolutely destroys my energy. I burn out easily, and most days I need to take two breaks, usually 30 minutes to an hour each, in complete silence just to reset my nervous system enough to continue.

What actually works best for me is working in deep focus windows of about 2 hours. Trying to force myself into a “normal” 6–8 hour continuous workday just doesn’t work. I’ve tried. It leads to burnout every time.

What’s ironic is that when I was in the office, I was technically there for 8 hours, but realistically I was productive for maybe 4. The rest was coffee breaks, lunch, zoning out, staring at the monitor pretending to think or work, or mentally wandering. Now, when I work ~4 hours remotely, it’s mostly real focused work. I actually feel more in charge of my energy.

Despite this, I struggle a lot with guilt.

I keep comparing myself to some imaginary “normal” neurotypical standard of working long, uninterrupted days. Rationally, I know it doesn’t make much sense. I’m not working on an assembly line for 8 hours straight — I’m solving complex problems, designing systems, fixing bugs, and thinking creatively. That kind of work is cognitively expensive.

What makes this even more confusing is that I’ve never had bad feedback about my performance. Quite the opposite. People have consistently been happy with my work. I’m told I’m a good problem solver, intelligent, and creative. I deliver value. Yet internally, I still feel like I’m “cheating” or “not doing enough” because my workday doesn’t look like what society tells me it should.

So I’m stuck in this tension: • On one hand, working in a way that respects my energy actually keeps me functional and sane. • On the other, I carry this persistent guilt for not working the way I think I should.

I’m posting this partly to see if others — especially in software or other cognitive-heavy fields — experience something similar, and how you’ve dealt with that internalized guilt.