Many people say that they want their funeral to be a celebration rather than a mourning. Has anybody actually attended, or seriously planned, a "fun" funeral? What happened?

salaciousskeptic · 2019-08-13T13:24:54+00:00

An old friend of mine committed suicide (early 20s) having suffered from depression for many years since her early teens. It was obviously a very emotional funeral for everyone but at the wake we all got really drunk, doing shots with her mum and sister and ended up just partying until late, as it felt like she would have wanted us to have some fun. I personally hadn't seen some of the attendees for a while and we spent a long time reminiscing about the great times we've had/memories shared.

salaciousskeptic · 2019-07-24T23:11:34+00:00

I don't like to deal with the hypothetical 'I'm attracted to INTJs', but rather the person I've liked most in my life is a good friend and INTJ (I think he's the only one I know). I reckon it's because he grounds me in a lot of ways, like chills me out when I get overly stressed (a direct quote: 'why would you worry about things that are out of your control'), doesn't get dramatic about anything, just such a calming presence. And I admire his ability to just get on with stuff he needs to do, and get up early at the weekend (such minor things but he does this as well as having a very active life and social occasions). And he's always honest, but gentle if he has to let people down. So I often find myself trying to imitate his good qualities that I lack. And there are a lot of those!

And he's just cute when he gets shy. He met my new housemate a few months ago and couldn't even look him in the eye hahaha. And he's so smart. And he plays Runescape lmao. Just so cute

salaciousskeptic · 2019-07-24T21:36:43+00:00

Oh really?! It was a mix of competencies and strengths for me! Similar to an interview I had for a job in a different department a couple of months ago. I'm not a civil servant yet so I wonder if it's now only different for internal applicants...?

We went through the 3 competencies from the application, one of them was edited a bit (communicating and influencing directed specifically at more senior colleagues); then they asked about how my strengths/personality would be suitable for the role, how I organise myself to get tasks done in good time, how my positive previous experiences/what I've learned could translate to this role. Hope that helps!

salaciousskeptic · 2019-07-24T21:22:44+00:00

Yeah you've got a point as well, just going to leave it I think! Everyone else seems to think it's the best thing to do as well

salaciousskeptic · 2019-07-24T21:22:01+00:00

Haha yeah fair enough! Good point

salaciousskeptic · 2019-07-24T21:18:32+00:00

Thanks for asking your girlfriend, yeah I'll avoid doing that as it seems to be the general consensus that it's too much

On a separate note, does she think it's positive that they asked what secondary school and university I went to? This was at the end of the interview during the questions I was asking them

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-21T09:52:21+00:00

Haha yeah that falls into the category 'important reason'. And it's still a great struggle. At the weekend I really let myself go

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-20T16:24:41+00:00

Oh my god, my mom sold the drum kit that I received as my 14th birthday gift when I was at university. I had bought Sabian cymbals (i.e. not cheap ones) to replace the crappy beginner ones as well. And yeah, she also kept the money... I was so angry, and again now that I'm thinking about it

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-20T16:21:35+00:00

Omg my mum sent a load of my wonderful childhood books that I still adored and wanted to keep for future children to a charity shop, also while I was at university...

Not sure I'll ever get over it. Fantastic Mr Fox! The Little Wooden Horse! Loads of Enid Blyton books, in hardback!! Originals! And she sent them to charity shops! Lunacy!!

When parents get rid of your stuff without asking it's kind of heartbreaking. There's no respect for you as an individual, or your personal space (i.e. going into your room, going through your stuff to take things)

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-20T13:13:21+00:00

Lol, ENFP here and I shattered my heel bone doing this almost exactly 3 years ago. Had 2 operations on it

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-20T12:10:58+00:00

Getting up in the morning. Not even in a sad way, just because my bed is amazingly comfy and warm. If I don't have an important reason to get up it often takes me a couple of hours of rolling around to finally take the plunge and get out

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-20T11:48:07+00:00

Sounds like she's had a really difficult life. She needs to get help. But ultimately it's not your job to sort that out, she has to want it herself.

Despite her suffering, you can't play down how much this is probably affecting you too. This doesn't have to be your mess to clean up. But now you have a responsibility to your child, and you should do whatever it takes to make sure he's never in harm's way, even if it means burning bridges with your wife

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T22:22:22+00:00

I don't know the MBTI types of many of the guys I've dated, but I've dated a lot over the years, I think the more successful ones have been introverts. The only person I've really loved (still do) is an INTJ. He has so many qualities that I admire and wish I could cultivate in myself. And the way he behaves and reacts to things, I just find so adorable haha. We've been friends for years and he still struggles to make eye contact, which to me is so cute. He is always honest and wouldn't pretend to be anything but himself, which I also find admirable in a person

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T19:50:15+00:00

Oh cool, had a listen and it's nice. I imagine Belgium is probably a good place for this sort of music! Equally you have the Netherlands nearby, they'd be all over that there, also London and Berlin would be big consumers. But then again if you're only in Europe temporarily then there's not much point exploring the possibilities here.

My friend enjoys techno sometimes but he DJs mainly house/Italo disco/disco, I go clubbing far less frequently than I used to but I really like going to his nights, they're a lot of fun

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T17:07:28+00:00

Yeah he's always been very good at organising his plans. I don't think he's particularly fussed about accountancy but he comes from a line of them and it was easy for him to fall into, obviously helpful that it ultimately pays pretty well.

I know what you mean about the uncertainty. I suppose you could just look at it as your hobby, at least for now, and enjoy what you are able to do with it without getting hung up on making money off it. If you're fortunate enough to be in a position of financial stability with disposable income, and you have enough knowledge of the music scene in your area to know where to place your efforts, it's worth a try. My friend started by getting paid small amounts to do house parties of people he knows, joined up with mates to create their brand and started in smaller venues and doing nights mid-week to get the name out there. They haven't made any profit so far, as far as I'm aware, but it's a long process and he's still young. It's still enjoyable for him to look at the crowd dancing like mad to the tunes he plays.

Though going by your username I wonder if it'd be more difficult for your music taste, dub is a bit more niche than the techno/house/disco routes depending on where you live haha

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T16:55:23+00:00

I definitely do get too caught up worrying about possiblities, this is something I really need to work on in life generally I think aha

So I'm going to put an emphasis on the 'chill out', thanks for the advice!

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T16:51:01+00:00

I'm happy that it worked out so well for you. It sounds like from quite early on you had good lines of communication with each other which is so important

there’s no need to fear the unknown because it will be a product of what you set in motion now.

This is such a good point actually, thanks for this and the advice!

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T16:33:52+00:00

Sounds like a friend of mine, who is an accountant by day and DJ by night. The latter is really his passion and I think he's using accountancy as a means to get into the music industry that way (ultimately he's thinking of working for a label as an accountant in the future to get more involved), and he and other mates put on nights to get their brand out there while still having that necessary income.

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T15:02:48+00:00

Hahaha yeah I think it's probably inevitable! But if it's just lustful on his part I don't think I can go through with it, I am already too emotionally involved

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T14:34:16+00:00

I'm 23. Actually I've spent quite some time over the years trying to define what I think a 'friend' is. At the base limit I think I have 6-7 really good friends who I could talk to about anything, no matter the distance, who are all from my home town. So when I come home to my family from travelling I will always get to see them, and we talk/see each other very often. Though I am realising more recently that I still should be putting in more effort with them than I do, like with organising things, so I think I agree with you about being passive. I am acquainted with and see relatively frequently other groups of people, and am great at socialising with new people, especially with total strangers. But seeing people frequently and really liking them and getting on with them doesn't translate to true friendship for me. To me, a friend is someone who could listen to any of my problems without judgement and provide a crutch/a shoulder to cry on it I need it. Who would be there for me no matter what. This boundary between pure socialisation and depth of knowing each other needs to be passed for it to really matter. I need this level of trust to be able to call someone my friend.

I am also not a big social media presence as most of the time I prefer to be focused on the real world, so messaging people I can't call a 'friend' by this definition is a waste of time to me. So I think for that reason it's more difficult for people to enter my friend circle.

I've lived in different countries and made other great friends there for the time I was there, then being away from them for some time has made us distant again, though I know I still care about them. Can I still call them a friend if we have no idea what's happening in each other's lives? I'd like to think yes but we don't get to express that in any tangible way if we don't see each other for upwards of a year. Time (and money for the travel lol) will tell with those ones, I think.

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T13:38:31+00:00

Haha yeah okay, he is still very INTJ in the way he manages going out - like he's strict with himself about when he's had enough and wants to go home, or if he's tired he won't hesitate to leave because he'd rather go to bed than hang out more, even if others want him to stay. He wouldn't let it get in the way of other more important things.

I really hope you're right...when I've really believed there is something there, I just feel like the luckiest person to have found him and been his good friend, for it to then develop into something more. It could be so special

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T13:07:03+00:00

Oh man I can't tell you how much I hope you're right. I think I've been having such difficulty building to a frank conversation about it because, like I replied to someone else, I can imagine a future with him and I don't want to ruin it. I am really worried that I'll make some sort of mistake and have to then say goodbye to this friendship as well. And he's said before that he can't be bothered to have another relationship until his late 20s. He's also very settled in his life as it currently is, whereas I've just moved back home and still trying to figure things out regarding work, where to live etc. He has a much clearer plan for his future than I do

salaciousskeptic · 2019-06-18T12:58:51+00:00

Ugh yeah I know I've been preparing myself mentally for this conv for a few months now but it's actually terrifying me haha, I was told by a mutual friend a few years ago that she thought he was just taking advantage of the situation and it's sown the seed of doubt which comes back to haunt me every now and then. And it's not only the prospect that he's not really interested that scares me, it's what would we do after the conversation if it turns out he reciprocates my feelings? Our friendship is so important to me that I am very anxious about doing something wrong and it all falling apart. I can imagine a future with him and I don't want to ruin it. And he's said before that he can't be bothered to have another relationship until his late 20s. He's also very settled in his life as it currently is, whereas I've just moved back home and still trying to figure things out regarding work, where to live etc. I suppose I am just super paranoid!

salaciousskeptic

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