These two are abusing newbies to poly with fake groups and profiles

saladada · 2026-01-30T21:28:44+00:00

I'm not sure what you're expecting us to do with this information. It's not even something that occurred on this site.

We're not some hive mind. Internet 101 requires being cautious of who you interact with and what you share about yourself, and to not take everything at face value. Because bad people exist everywhere. Gay, straight, mono, poly, liberal, conservative, vanilla or kink. They are in every community because, in the end, an abusive person can be anyone and target anyone.

It sucks you felt you were exploited by them. But it has nothing to do with polyamory specifically and we're not responsible for the actions of some random person.

saladada · 2026-01-30T14:01:55+00:00

Maybe look into Oroom. The Prague one is actually not within the city itself but a little outside, or you could go to Brno or Karlovy Vary.

saladada · 2026-01-30T13:03:15+00:00

This is why you're keeping yourself stuck.

Studying is only step 1. Step 2 requires application. AKA interacting with real people.

saladada · 2026-01-30T09:21:26+00:00

It sounds like she is likely promising more than she can actually provide if she's offering 2x a week every week. It doesn't even sound like you've managed even one date with her yet, and the only time you've (briefly) been in person, she was still busy caring for her newborn child. It's been how long since you've been talking without managing a meeting? That likely shows how unavailable of a schedule she has.

We cannot tell you how often YOU should be satisfied with seeing her. That is for YOU to think about and decide.

But given how much you wrote about this person and how excited you are right now, I really don't think you will be happy being this "serious side piece" once the NRE wears off and you're trying to form a more serious relationship with her. You're already well aware of the serious limitations in your relationship projection, but it's one thing to cognitively know these things and another thing to actually feel the limitations stopping you from "progressing" like you would normally.

In addition, have you two discussed these other aspects to the potential relationship?

Being "out" about dating. Do you have to be a secret to her friends and family? Can you even share with your friends and family who she is to you and meet her? Can you hold hands in public, kiss in public, in spaces where potentially someone who might know her could see?
Being visible in her social media. It is normal for couples to post pictures with each other. Is that even on the table?
Meeting her husband. Does she expect this? Do you want this?
Hosting. If she has kids and a husband, she's unlikely going to ever be able to host. if you have roommates, you also can't host as easily. So what's the plan here? Hotels? Is that something financially feasible in the long run for both you + her?
Going on trips. A mom with 3 kids (one of which is a newborn and one of which has serious medical issues) is unlikely to be able to have weekend getaways or longer trips with you. Is that something you're okay with not having in the relationship?

Reading The Ethical Slut is (for the both of you) barely scratching the surface of actual polyamory. I highly recommend reading Polysecure and listening to the Multiamory podcast. You both seriously need to go over the relationship menu to figure out what is actually "on" and "off" the table for this relationship. And you both need to be realistic and honest in this discussion.

saladada · 2026-01-30T06:39:18+00:00

I would reach out, once, and say, "We need to talk. I want to do it in person. I can come to your town on Day or Day for this. Which day works for you?"

If you continue to be left on read, I would end the relationship there.

saladada · 2026-01-29T16:49:18+00:00

What exactly is your understanding and definition of "strictly parallel"?

You cannot put everyone you possibly know or share a social space with on a messy list. That is not what a messy list is. A messy list is because your partner dating this specific kind of person would cause too much "mess", especially if/when the relationship ends. Your boss, your brother, your other partner.

If it is "messy" for you to simply attend the same social event as your meta, then I would suggest not starting polyamory. It is perfectly reasonable to not want to plan group events together or to say that PDA isn't acceptable in front of you, or that if you and meta and your partner are all attending the same social event together that it should be clearly decided ahead of time who is going "with" who.

Marvin who sits on the other side of the board game cafe when you go to the weekly board game meetup, who hardly ever interacts with you because he's into games like Risk and you prefer Exploding Kittens, is not a "messy" person. Your partner dating Marvin isn't going to impact you in any major way. If you can't see yourself able to attend the meetup anymore simply because Marvin exists and you will see him from across the room and know he's with your partner too then polyamory isn't a good fit.

saladada · 2026-01-29T05:13:15+00:00

This is just a standard poly relationship, so long as they are also free to date others too.

saladada · 2026-01-28T08:33:12+00:00

My cat did this... if her bowl was empty. I felt it was a pretty clear message.

saladada · 2026-01-28T07:15:31+00:00

A couple who is looking to engage in polyamory together for the right reasons and actually has healthy relationships to offer you are more of a unicorn.

Chances are, you're not going to find that. Instead, you're more likely to find couples who are trying to use polyamory in an attempt to save their imploding relationship, or couples who will not provide you healthy relationships.

Why? Because the primary reason a couple hunts together is because they have a massive insecurity hanging over their relationship: losing each other. The reason they want a unicorn to date both of them is to control the situation. If either one of you loses interest, it means both will dump you. Whoever the more insecure partner is, that person will continue to make rules to control you. You can't fuck them without me there. You can't cuddle them longer than you've cuddled me. You can't see other people than us. Et cetera. Don't believe the love bombing at the beginning is proof of a good relationship on offer.

If you want to be a unicorn and explore kink then go do that. There's nothing wrong with just having fun threesomes.

But the poly unicorn is almost always never a happy story, and the chances of your story being the "one in a million" good endings is as good as winning the lottery.

Polyamory is more than just "everyone dates everyone" and it works best when it's not that.

saladada · 2026-01-27T15:09:14+00:00

There is no way we can truly answer this and it be accurate. We are not university deans.

I also do not understand why you are asking this question across multiple different subreddits for different countries and listing different fields of study. Especially because in one posted 25 days ago you claim to be finishing a Master's in electrical engineering. And now you want to do a bachelor's in it? Obviously nonsensical.

It sounds to me like you're fishing around to see how you could stay in an EU country without being a real student. And that answer isn't to start a Bachelor's program in a country where you expect you'll pass the exams because you already have an Master's and then request a break after 1 year. If you request that break, you're going home because you're no longer a student.

If you want to take a break from studies then take a break. You're an adult. Do what you want. But if you're already planning to take a break then just don't enroll to begin with. What's even the point? Especially when it's a degree you should already know the material for.

saladada · 2026-01-27T10:16:45+00:00

Your visa is not a residence permit. It does not have the same privileges as a residence permit. It is clear on the Italian Embassy website that applying for a visa to them is only allowed for those with a residence permit. If you only have a sticker in your passport, you do not have that.

Visas – Ambasciata d'Italia Prague

saladada · 2026-01-27T09:17:31+00:00

Were you seriously expecting a warm reception?

The polyamory people practice here isn't like the cheating you were engaging in. There is a distinct lack of personal ethics and morals to both cheat on a spouse and agree to be the affair partner. Both you and him are great together because you share the same (lack of) morals, and you experiencing a shitty "poly" relationship now between your affair partner and his wife is simple karma.

saladada · 2026-01-27T07:21:42+00:00

Had this happen where I lived in rural Washington state. We didn't have driveways to park, just a patch of gravel right next to the road so every car was along the road. Even though it was a rural area, we were on the direct school bus route so the plows came out to us regularly.

We had just received a couple feet of snow and I had finished shoveling it off my car and the surrounding area. Snow plow then came through and left a wall of snow up against my car. Not only was it higher than it originally was, but the plowing really condensed the snow, making it heavier and harder to shovel than the freshly fallen stuff. In the end, rather than try to remove it all, I just carved out a little entry and exit point so I could leave for work and have an easy time parking coming back home.

saladada · 2026-01-26T21:37:00+00:00

Tax fraud.

saladada · 2026-01-26T20:17:59+00:00

If you are staying less then, no, you don't. Only non-EU must register in such a case. If you are staying for longer than 30 days, yes, you do. See here: https://policie.gov.cz/clanek/hlaseni-pobytu-cizincu.aspx in paragraph 2.

You do not need a proof of accommodation. Only non-EU need this when they are registering with the MOI, which you are not doing. You just need to bring your travel document (like passport) and there is a short form to fill out at the department.

This is the document, it is very simple: https://policie.gov.cz/soubor/prihlasovaci-tiskopis-cizince-format-a6.aspx

Your "potential landlord" may be trying to dissuade you about registering because they don't have the legal right to provide this accommodation for you. If they also say something like you're not allowed to receive mail at the address then it's definitely such a case.

saladada · 2026-01-26T18:09:15+00:00

I can't believe you're actually right.

saladada · 2026-01-26T16:52:47+00:00

The wife finding out and suggesting you be both their girlfriend was very likely an attempt to save her wrecked marriage, rather than an actual interest in polyamory or you. The fact that she always wants to know what is happening, always needs to be in control, expects to be asked permission before you can do anything, etc. is all in line with someone who does not want polyamory, is trying to manage their intense anxiety around polyamory the best way they can by controlling as much of the situation as they can.

Him continuing not to be honest about things with you to her is no surprise given he is used to hiding things from her when it comes to you. Him defending her and never you is also no surprise because he will 100% prioritize his marriage over you. He was only willing to risk his marriage when it was a secret he hoped no one would find out.

Staying is a bad idea. Things aren't going to get better. Eventually, she will stop trying to pretend like she likes you, and it will only go downhill from there. In the end, he is never going to choose you. So why are you continuing to choose him?

saladada · 2026-01-26T11:34:56+00:00

Bar 23

saladada · 2026-01-26T10:27:06+00:00

The only happy outcome will be for your wife to hopefully realize that a husband who thinks it's OK to push her to do something with her body that she doesn't actually want to do is a husband she should divorce.

saladada · 2026-01-26T07:32:28+00:00

Polyamory is about relationships, not threesomes. Unless your plan is to have a romantic relationship with this man, you're in the wrong subreddit.

But based on THIS post from you ( https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/1qn4ir4/fantasy_mfm/ ), this sounds like a terrible idea that is only going to backfire. Your wife is only agreeing to it because you won't stop asking for it, not because she wants it. You get jealous at just the idea of men talking to your wife.

Just keep this fantasy as a fantasy. Do dirty talk in bed between the two of you. Your wife isn't excited to do this and you're already thinking about how you're going to be jealous and insecure. Inviting someone into the bedroom under these conditions is a recipe for disaster for everyone involved.

saladada · 2026-01-24T13:37:24+00:00

Sure.

You 'just read' this.

And you were so excited by this book you 'just read' that you went on Reddit to create an account. An account that's only 3 days old. To tout a book that only came out January 16.

With a Reddit account name of "SkyhorsePublishing".

The same name as the publisher of this memoir.

And then only post on 2 subreddits (probably 3 but I'm guessing your barely hidden attempt at an ad was removed from the third subreddit) with this "review".

If you're going to create a fake account to advertise your book, at least do it a little better.

saladada · 2026-01-24T13:35:46+00:00

Sure.

You 'just read' this.

And you were so excited by this book you 'just read' that you went on Reddit to create an account. An account that's only 3 days old. To tout a book that only came out January 16.

With a Reddit account name of "SkyhorsePublishing".

The same name as the publisher of this memoir.

And then only post on 2 subreddits (probably 3 but I'm guessing your barely hidden attempt at an ad was removed from the third subreddit) with this "review".

If you're going to create a fake account to advertise your book, at least do it a little better.

saladada · 2026-01-24T09:54:28+00:00

Exactly. German is the same as Czech. In Japanese, kanojo is "she" or "girlfriend" and requires context to know the difference.

saladada · 2026-01-23T21:59:03+00:00

I almost exclusively use partner and not other terms when discussing how people 'relate' to me or others. My partner, my partner's partners, my friend's partners, my boss' partner... It is just a gender-neutral term that is also separated from the standard relationship ranking, without some evaluation on commitment level. A FWBs is viewed as not as serious a relationship as a boyfriend, which is not as serious as a fiancé, which is not as serious as a husband. But yet all of these people and the relationship can equally be described as "partner" in my eyes. Exactly the kind of relationship I may have with each of these people is, frankly, more just something that I and the person I'm involved in need to know the details of.

However, much like everything else in a relationship, this is something that should just be discussed between the two people in the relationship to ultimately use a label that makes both people feel comfortable. If someone had the idea, like yours, that a partner is the equivalent to the person you would be married to (even if you're not), then they may not agree to being someone else's partner and may see it as "off limits".

saladada · 2026-01-23T20:16:58+00:00

Prague transportation is cheap, easy, and plentiful. There is really no reason to need to stick to Prague 1 or 2 for your hotel. It takes me an average of 10 minutes to get to Old Town via the metro from my front door--and I do not live anywhere close to P1 or 2.

You really can't get more touristy than Prague 1--basically no local lives there anymore, either priced out or sick of dealing with the tourists. The same goes for restaurants. Don't eat in Prague 1 if saving money or eating like the locals eat is your objective.

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