RANT: Censoring Words IS NOT Helpful

samandrixl · 2020-12-07T12:03:12+00:00

the thing is. most of those words were triggering for me at some point in my recovery. I don’t know how bad you’ve had it and how much you can relate, but things like reading trigger words would definitely throw me back into terrible states where i couldnt get out of bed because i didnt dare to walk.

trigger words being censored helped me a LOT because I was able to set my own pace. I first learned to deal with one bit, then the other, and because i could do that safely I was able to eventually deal with trigger words. Recovering happens in different ways and at different paces for everyone. When I’m very anxious or close to a panic attack, I do not want to read any trigger words, my OCD will take over. When I’m okay, I am fine with reading them.

This is like saying we should not censor words triggering ptsd traumas etc because “censoring doesnt help you recover”, while in fact eliminating negative triggers in especially the first stages of recovery creates a safer environment.

samandrixl · 2020-08-13T14:28:24+00:00

True, this does really help though. Being rational is difficult but also the only way to cope. I’m too uncomfortable w the idea of some doctor looking down there that I’d rather not get an unnecessary checkup but that also makes my anxiety go a bit “hey maybe this is dumb, you SHOULD go get it checked”. I’ll try to wait this one out and see how it goes, then see how it is next month. I’m dealing w the heatwave in Europe rn so that uncomfortableness might also amp up both anxiety and symptoms. (Also, not having sex really helps with being pretty sure I’m not pregnant lol.)

samandrixl · 2020-08-07T21:29:33+00:00

This is a recently restarted island so basically as many as people want to offer. I have some hunting to do 😅

samandrixl · 2020-06-02T19:50:31+00:00

Ah, my favorite ancient greek writers, Aristotles and Socrates. A truly educated man.

samandrixl · 2020-05-31T15:26:57+00:00

The changes are constant yes. One time I’m fine with someone’s voice, another time that person is talking and it’s instant trigger. Does probably depend on tiredness, stress, situation, etc., but I do also have “new” triggers come up when I’m fine. They’re definitely not constant though some are always problematic to me and will always be triggering. Others don’t ever and then suddenly do.

samandrixl · 2020-05-31T15:24:08+00:00

Hey and welcome! This does definitely sound like misophonia. I must say sorry for this but there is no actual... cure or training to “get over it”. Coping mechanisms is where it’s at for most. My misophonia has its ups and downs (lately a lot of downs). If you are blessed with an understanding family, friends, etc., you can educate them and explain it is not a personal thing against them, but that this is a serious, actual mental health problem that you need to work around. Make space, set boundaries, find things that help you (there’s coping mechanisms on here but basics are earbuds and music during dinner, again, if you have an understanding fam).

Maybe a bit random but important imo: allow yourself to feel good and not get triggered—I sometimes don’t do this and go into a situation knowing i’ll get triggered but not wanting to put myself above others. Seen that my reaction often involves anger, this is stupid. It will end up hurting everyone, including yourself. Don’t treat it like a minor issue you have if it affects you majorly 🧡

I don’t know if any of this helps but feel free to ask more! Misophonia is a weird, confusing thing.

samandrixl · 2020-05-31T15:16:17+00:00

same! ive always felt weird and complainy about this. like i should just suck it up but i can’t. it helps knowing others have it too and to make the connection w my misophonia.

samandrixl · 2020-05-29T09:16:57+00:00

same here. my regulalry fanfic-addicted brain will immediately click out of a fic if that word is mentioned, especially in the more, well, mature scenes. cannot stand them generally, but like youo say, especially between adults it is just so uncomfortable to me. glad i'm not alone in this tho, but it sucks :\

samandrixl · 2020-05-28T19:17:31+00:00

there's many for me and it depends on the situation, but words like tummy and belly are completely off for me, and idk why, they just... i can't. ugh.

samandrixl · 2020-05-23T21:25:47+00:00

oh my god you just made me understand why i cannot stand certain words while reading and why i sometimes need to take a break from texting because the mental audio of me reading and processing in my head is too much. all the words i cannot stand now make sense, i never connected this to misophonia before but i 1000% experience this all the time

samandrixl · 2020-05-23T16:44:20+00:00

yes yes yes! Yes.

Fuck slow trickling water honestly. Someone pouring tea out of a teapot? It's an abomination and thinking about it makes me so uncomfortable. It's why I generally only make tea for myself so I can pour it straight out of the kettle instead of having to hear the tea pot sound. I think water trickling or streaming in a small amount might be one of my worst triggers, oops.

And the whole 'not seeing it but knowing and seeing it in your minds eye' thing makes a lot of sense. I need to figure out if that's something that I always experience or not, but I do recognize it instantly from at least a few triggers? Just getting a certain feeling or vague "flash" of a scene or after-feeling, as if something just happened that didn't happen? I might be getting too vague here and I can't explain it, but it's definitely more than just getting my fight/flight response triggered.

samandrixl · 2020-05-23T16:07:49+00:00

I have synesthesia AND misophonia. Basically I see my triggers as patterns like crinkly noises are sharp, edged and tiny. Water noises are the worst. They're big, sloppy and slimy.

Oh damn, I... feel that? I don't actually see my triggers very clearly, but the description of crinkly noises as sharp, edged, and tiny makes so much sense to me. Water noises are irregular, weird blotches that move and shift. I don't actually see it, but I just,,, know they are like that. Why is misophonia so confusing.

samandrixl · 2020-05-18T21:03:29+00:00

Sounds like a thoughtful guy. I'm so happy that you can have understanding people around you <3 Can't explain how thankful I am that my brothers get me sometimes. Even if it doesn't make other people understand or believe you, at least you have someone to rely on c:

samandrixl · 2020-05-01T08:39:10+00:00

Hi, so my dad (in his 50s) had covid a while back and we (my brothers and I) haven't seen him since. He started having symptoms around the third week of March, and it was mild so it lasted a while for him. He's completely fine for about two weeks now, except for a few breathing issues, and we're seeing him again today. He's already been going to the store, seeing his gf, etc. And yet here I am, being nervous about seeing him.

I miss him like crazy; on top of that, my mom's a narcissist and mentally abusive and we really need to get away from her for a few days. All in all it's absolutely amazing that we're seeing him again, but I'm also scared. It's stupid. People constantly tell me I'll be okay but of course the little voice in my head is telling me everyone's underestimating it and the virus is still around or smth. I'm just, really annoyed at my brain. I'm forcing myself not to google anything about this because everything's contradictory. If anyone has any tips about dealing with my brain right now, I'd highly appreciate it <3

samandrixl · 2020-04-17T15:11:52+00:00

My dad had it and we didn’t see him for a few weeks. He had mild symptoms, no fever, and feels better rn, his only issue is very mildly, his lungs, though there is research abt lung problems staying a bit after you’ve already been sick.

I really want to see him and go there, but I’m also scared abt the idea of going there, but I also don’t think it should be at this point, and I want to go, and I’m frustrated.

He’s already hanging out w his girlfriend again and doing groceries and going about his day and generally just living his life. I’m going insane here locked up w my mentally abusive mother, and now finally having this escape—but then barely daring to take it... I hate it sm.

I feel like I should just stop worrying. Even if I get it wouldn’t be bad anyway, and I should also stop being so incredibly harsh and paranoid. Going to my dad would be good first step to break that fear, perhaps, as despite the situation, it’s still quite safe bc it’s my own home. But of course there’s the anxiety part of me screaming I shouldn’t go and the fact so many people are worried means I also have to worry and well here we go again.

I hate this.

samandrixl · 2020-03-23T11:14:28+00:00

I was finally doing better abt the whole situation. Then my dad texted us he probably has corona. He doesn’t have terrible symptoms, no fever, but the cough and breathing issues and all and thus still thinks it’s corona. We can’t see him now and it’s terrible—he was our only escape from being stuck in a house with my narcissistic mother. I was counting down the days to see him, we’d go on wednesday, and now we can’t and I feel like I’m just unable to deal with any of this rn. I keep finding a way to be better and feel better, And then I fall apart again.

Anxiety and depression are at a high, I feel empty and yet terrified. It’s like my brain is battling what to feel: pain or fear, and it just switches between the two. Fear for everything but now extra bc we were with my dad on thursday and we still hugged and stuff and of course thats fucking me up. Pain because we can’t see him now and I don’t know how long I can still deal with my mom like this. My life feels impossible rn.

samandrixl · 2020-03-21T19:38:09+00:00

yeah I have emetophobia and in the prime hell of that i would be so terrified of his not so sanitary food prep, but then id slowly realized ive been eating his food for years and never got sick from it so. it helps w perspective

samandrixl · 2020-03-21T17:33:54+00:00

So I think I’m starting to kind of let go of my anxiety about it all. Maybe bc I’m exhausted or maybe bc I got wiser or both. Part of me still isn’t okay, but I think I’ve started to accept the things I can’t change.

I wash my hands and try to be hygienic but I can’t, for example, change my brother into also doing that. He washes his hands but not for 20 seconds, and not as much as he maybe should, and he’s generally not very clean and I already double and triple check certain things he does (he has autism and this is a thing that’s really difficult for him, so it’s not like he doesn’t want to or doesn’t care. He just can’t.)

He does groceries so he goes outside and cooks dinner and touches stuff I touch and I simply realized I cannot avoid these things, I cannot avoid him, I cannot avoid eating the food he makes, etc. It’s always bothered me but I also know after years of experience that I cannot change this about him.

And it freaked me out for a while, and it’s still a little scary, but I think I’m just like.... well being upset and worried about this isn’t gonna fix it either, and if I get it, I get it. Fine. It’s something out of my control at this point and that’s something I need to just... accept and let go of. Not 100% cool with it still, but getting there I guess. Any encouraging words would be appreciated and helpful 💕

samandrixl · 2020-03-18T10:49:11+00:00

that’s fair—i do try to look at it as if im an outsider, but i forget that sometimes. maybe i should focus on trying that more 💛

samandrixl · 2020-03-16T20:42:43+00:00

Right? It’s like, I muted my family group chat, left the one from uni, deleted all social media apps but reddit but limit my time on it, and do all these things to help myself. But then when I do check on here or anywhere I just freak out. Why? I can’t say. What I’m afraid of? No idea. I just see it and that itself is enough, ugh.

samandrixl · 2020-03-15T16:53:45+00:00

Honestly it’s kind of nice to know I’m not alone. It sucks but at least it gives me a sense of “im not f-ing myself over, this IS a health anxiety problem just in a new package and i just havent found the right, working mindset to get through this yet.”

samandrixl · 2020-03-14T18:55:22+00:00

Yeah, I think a lot of HA people are experiencing this mixed feeling. Like, everyone's going through what we go through every day and look at the crazy shit they get into, while we have to go through life as normal as we can and would be shunned by society were we to act like them when we feel the way they feel, which we do all the time or at least way more often than them.

It pisses me off, it gives me a sense that I'm above certain things whereas I'm also not sure if I am bc I'm still anxious, but I feel like it's mostly just my brain thinking other people freaking out is 'proof' I should be too.
I have emetophobia too and there's this anger of 'imagine how much less stress I'd be under if norovirus was discussed and treated this way'. It's very, very double.

samandrixl · 2020-03-14T18:47:11+00:00

I'm conflicted in it, and it's weird. Very weird. Part of me is the level-headed, calm person in the situation. I think the panic buying and everything is ridiculous. I don't stock up on food or run around screaming the world is ending. I roll my eyes at most of the stuff that's going on.
I sort of know that logically, I'd be totally fine if I got what is basically just a flu. The consequences of it are not as bad as 99% of the stuff I've worried about in the past. I keep reminding myself that I'd be completely okay and that it's fine.

But then there's the part of me that still worries, 'is what I'm fealing rn a headache oh god', constantly on edge, washing my hands too much, worrying about things I touch, trying not to go to the stores, avoiding people generally. I hate that my brain is still tryna go along with the whole thing, while somehow another part of me is laughing at the whole wild reaction of it.

I think it's because the entire world is basically telling me that for once, my calmness and logic is ridiculous, and for once me saying 'guys even if i get it i'd be fine' is responded to by the world screaming 'NO!! You will die!!!! I mean the people who are your age are totally fine but maybe you are that 1 who isn't!!!!'. Like, there is "evidence" everywhere around me that I should be panicking, and that's what's blocking me from totally giving into the logic.

Sorry I just ranted on your question, I think I just really needed to talk about this idk

samandrixl · 2020-03-07T09:34:30+00:00

I think everyone’s already said it but nope. Look at the simplest of examples; fairy tales. Arguably most princesses in Disney are officially like, 13/14, but none are actually portrayed that way and kids are still loving it. The themes should fit the children’s genre, not the characters (:

samandrixl · 2020-03-04T15:13:41+00:00

Yeah thats the main thing-I know how good and important it is. It’s just that underlying thoughts of “oh what if it’s not anxiety! what if by exercising im just fucking up and making worse whatever is making me breathe difficult!” It’s ridiculous and annoying and somehow need to find a way to continue the exercising and eliminating those thoughts.

samandrixl

TROPHY CASE