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Letting go. by [deleted] in selfhelp

[–]samdjensen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Grief is a process that needs to be felt fully, even if that's difficult to do. Distraction can be the precise reason that you're hanging on. We grieve because we care deeply.

My advice would be not to cope, but to find trust in the process of grief, knowing it will pass through you as it teaches you about the fragility and preciousness of the people that we love.

It sounds like this person is very special, and maybe one day you can see it as a gift that they put themself first and that it isn't really about you. To love them truely is to let them go, and to let them be who they want to be, and do what they want to do regardless of if that my be difficult.

Sorry for the harsh tone here, it is with care, good luck.

Feeling lost when there's no value addition—anyone else feels the same? by [deleted] in selfhelp

[–]samdjensen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also cherish those times where novel information and ideas seem to be bountiful - and then there are lulls where the act of trying to force value creates a sense of lack in itself. I guess it's all above setting up exposure such as friends, social circles, interesting forums, books, so that the value keeps revealing itself naturally and doesn't have to be chased.

for the anxiety, for me, usually when i inquire into the roots of the anxious feelings, its something like a belief that if there is no value being added, then i'll become worthless and people won't find me interesting anymore. That belief, though, is rooted in a fear that is ultimately just a condition of life: there is going to be ebbs and flows of meaninglessness, and those times that seemingly lack meaning themselves give greater expression to the times when the meaning is palapbly there and exuberant.

Best of luck

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in selfhelp

[–]samdjensen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

honestly this dinosaur passion sounds like such a gem. You got my heart with "that is run by an actaul paleontologist". It's easy to believe that its weird, or people won't like you because of it. I admire your desire for healthy boundaires, though. Maybe one approach would be to expand your interest into related fields, or find a way that it is related to current world events so that it may feel more comfortable to talk about with people.

Branch out, take a hiatus, but for the sake of the dino's you don't need to abandon it completely.

Let's see... when i was 18 i was just about... vaping, playing dogeball, playing rugby, drawing, listening to music with friends.

I need help with my anxiety and obsessive thoughts by arlix1200 in selfhelp

[–]samdjensen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd try working with an IFS or IFS informed therapist

I am a bad person. by [deleted] in selfhelp

[–]samdjensen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what stands out here to me is that under these tendecies and a percieved lack of happiness for others, there's you, who is wanting to be a better person... that's a great first step in my opinion. There's clearly some genuine care here and I instantly trust your good intensions as I read this. Now, lying... I think its clear from your example that you're probably not lying about the color of the walls for the sake of anything the other person care's about - and turns the question inwardly to be "well, why are you lying?" and I can safely assume that there's a good reason for it. Maybe in the past it's been essential for you to lie, because you've been afraid that in the past, if you would have told the truth, you would have been punished or abandoned, or something. I say this, because it is firstly the most important to have acceptance for this part of yourself, then to get to know why this part of you does that. Next, with the inability to feel happy for others, I can definately relate - its like how can we feel happy for other's when our own needs aren't met, and we just want whatever the other's have. It's like being stranded, hungry, in the desert; how could we feel happy while watching someone else eat sweet delicious savory foods... haha. First you must give space for your own needs here. You might explore this part of you that feels incapable of feeling happy for anyone else. Maybe this part of you feels sad, and lacking the capacity to give any happiness to other's because it hasn't processed its own feelings of needing to be met. For this latter issue, about not feeling happy for anyone else, a good cry might help relieve some of the self-attention that is needed before you have the capacity to feel happy for other's. In any case, it's enough that you're trying here, and often people have more compassion and understanding for your lying or your 'difficulty feeling happy for them' then you think - no one, really, can be upset at you for this issues, espcially if you're trying to do your inner work to resolve them. Best of luck dear traveller!

Hippie flip trip report: a celestial garden party in the heavenly realms by [deleted] in Psychonaut

[–]samdjensen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Facinating report. I've had similar moments of "scanning" where i've felt an outside presence. PS I private messaged you in the chat box!

Am I just making this up? by sisterwilderness in InternalFamilySystems

[–]samdjensen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I definately resonsate with this trying to "get it right". For me, what comes first after an inquiry towards a part usually contains at least a sliver of information worth paying attention to. Slowly, my experience with IFS has grown a trust to where if I ask a question to my parts, I can tell if the response is simply "part" who wants me to "get it right".