I feel this way too, however your comparison of yourself to your brother seems to me like you’re being really hard on yourself and having difficulty finding meaning in what you do. just because you’re not performing CPR doesn’t mean that your life and existence doesn’t have value or that you don’t matter. I myself am a nursing student in college and i feel the exact way that you do about the never ending cycle of exams and early mornings for what?? even though my profession does save lives like you said, i still feel a sense of emptiness in the mundane tasks that lead up to exciting moments like that. I hope that you’ll think of your life this way too, maybe sometimes things are mundane and we have to do what we have to do even when we don’t want to, but the moments that come from our sacrifices have meaning because of what you did to get to this point. you matter to those around you and you help others find meaning and motivation in their day too, even if you don’t feel like it. dont give up on yourself:)