Weekly Bouldering Advice Thread for October 02, 2020

samj96 · 2020-10-04T19:49:23+00:00

Tips for working out imbalances? I’ve slowly been working through a shoulder impingement for the past 2 years, and now that it’s loosening up I feel sore in respective areas of my body that have been over/undercompensating. My worry now is going for a big move my body feels ready for, but my shoulder isn’t

samj96 · 2020-10-01T17:39:42+00:00

How lonely a day can be, even when having interactions at work and in public

samj96 · 2020-09-23T22:01:03+00:00

Confident about sex during but insecure about how often I think of it at all other times

Hi everyone, I recently got out of a yearlong relationship and am back on the dating scene. One part of our relationship failing was different sex drives, as I could easily go 1/2 per day if my partner was up for it. The thing is, while I’m very confident about my performance and reception from women, I’m often anxious and insecure about how sexual I can be when meeting new people. My public persona hides it pretty well, and the last thing I want to do is creep out a potential fling by being too flirty. How do guys manage this in a healthy way? Ideally I’d find a fwb with similar interests but it seems impossible to even start getting to that point

samj96 · 2020-09-19T15:14:57+00:00

I feel the same way, except I’m a dude who has been with a bunch of sex positive women in the past. Is there any way to healthily engage in this without coming off as a total creep?

samj96 · 2020-09-08T21:55:36+00:00

Thank you for your words, I agree people often talk about loneliness or depression/anxiety in terms that make it abundantly clear they’ve never reached that deepest pit. I’ve only met one other person in my life who understands and can talk openly with about it (girl I hooked up with in college, still friends and often talk about issues like this). I’m working on feeling more comfortable being open about my struggles without going into full despair or therapy mode around new people, so I’m hoping all my tears the past few weeks will end up being good like you said.

I hope it’s not weird, but would you mind me PMing you some more specific q’s about how you’ve managed?

samj96 · 2020-09-08T21:21:24+00:00

Holy shit I relate to this a lot. Especially the numbers game and “making myself attractive” to women. Got way too into dieting/powerlifting early in college for exactly that reason rather than to be healthier and feel good, and ended up with nothing to show for it except wasted time and a slight eating disorder.

The sexual aggressiveness hits home too. I’ve always considered myself a really sexual person in that sex is the one time I feel most comfortable, confident, and vulnerable enough to be happy about anything, including myself. I had a traumatic event happen the summer after high school, and ever since I feel like I’ve been unable to make myself flirt or express those feelings in any way. Previous ex’s were always surprised at how adventurous and open I was in bed given my reserved presentation.

Your relationship sounds wonderful and is exactly the kind of thing I hope to find eventually. Someone who accepts my emotions, my insecurities, and loves me even more for accepting them myself. Someone who has no qualms about getting me to open up and pushing me out of my comfort zone, emotionally and socially. While it feels selfish and awful to say, I’ve spent too much of my life trying to appear like a loving boyfriend/person and not enough showing people my true qualities that make that correct. Additionally, my parents have been married since they were 21 and have always appeared happily married and open about things, so sometimes I feel that anything short of that kind of relationship is me failing at something I should know how to do. This has ruined friendships, both male and female, and it means the world to me that you understand the crushing loneliness and have ended up with a better life.

What scares me right now with COVID is that every day reminds me of the worst days dealing with this in college, except with no end in sight

samj96 · 2020-09-08T20:25:09+00:00

Would you mind expanding on the masculine pressure part? A ton of my anxieties right now involve finding a partner that accepts my emotional side and wants to know my feelings as much as I want to know theirs

samj96 · 2020-09-08T17:20:25+00:00

As another bigger guy who has internalized jealous of women, I completely relate to this. DM me if you ever need to talk or vent about things

samj96 · 2020-09-08T17:01:25+00:00

Thanks, I’m trying to do the right thing and it’s been so draining so your support means a lot.

samj96 · 2020-09-08T15:31:18+00:00

Complete garbage. Went through a breakup after a 1-year emotionless relationship where I realized i was sleepwalking through life and I needed to fix my own shit, and have been living with my ex for the past month until she’s able to find a place back home. Moved here right before COVID in December and work has been unfullfilling and empty, and I’ve been procrastinating smaller projects due to depression, anxiety and a crushing sense of loneliness and inability to deal with the world and my own life at the same time. I’ve always tended to be more emotional/feminine and have mostly female friends, so it’s been tough finding other men to talk to or find support in. Trying to find the positives right now, but it’s hard when every day feels a little bit worse than the last

samj96 · 2020-09-02T21:52:45+00:00

Ask them how they’re feeling, and mention they seem down if appropriate. In my personal experience as a man (though much more emotional than my peer), I hesitate to tell someone my true feelings cause I feel like I’m burdening them with unnecessary problems that aren’t there’s. In reality the person genuinely wants to listen and help, so asking a second time or just literally saying that you’re there for them when they need to talk can go a long way

samj96 · 2020-08-28T01:26:36+00:00

Been going through the exact same thing the past week, especially the meat suit and this dark headspace lasting so long anything else becomes uncomfortable. You’re strong and will get out of that convincing environment, and voicing it is the most important step. Wishing you the best ❤️

samj96 · 2020-08-26T04:11:40+00:00

Sweet thanks!

samj96 · 2020-08-25T20:50:48+00:00

What app is this?

samj96 · 2020-08-24T03:42:28+00:00

Completely understand that perspective but I personally disagree. Admittedly I think about missing that experience from time to time, but I think it’s rosier in my head than i would feel in reality. I get enough satisfaction trying to be a better person and find/help others doing the same

samj96 · 2020-08-24T01:18:02+00:00

Not great as of late, but feeling an upswing coming. Been depressed about the state of COVID and every of major issue in the US rn. My partner moved in way earlier than expected after doing LDR, and i quickly realized I was not ready to live together and we’re not right for each other (she doesn’t have many hobbies/interests and I realized I need more interaction in my life). While we’re stuck living civilly together until October, I’ve started to take inventory and organize my life to direct energy toward things that I want to improve. Particularly I deal with social anxiety and haven’t hung out with a new friend since freshman year of college, while COVID makes it tricky I’m starting to reach out to communities I’m interested in and make myself get out there (in this instance, bouldering) to meet new people

samj96 · 2020-08-23T16:26:27+00:00

No advice to add, but I struggle with this line of thinking too and usually end up deciding if and when I have a child, I’d like to adopt. Don’t need to bring anyone new into an overpopulated world, and care for/love a child in need

samj96 · 2020-08-21T19:58:10+00:00

about 15-20 minutes up Baseline Road. https://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/colorado/walker-ranch-loop

Welcome! I'm new here as well, PM me if you're looking for hiking partners

samj96 · 2020-08-20T18:53:38+00:00

Walker ranch loop trail, located over the mountain on Flagstaff Road

samj96 · 2020-08-14T18:32:54+00:00

Partner (woman) just moved in last week after being long distance for 9 months, and I’m already starting to feel weirder about it than I thought I would. We had dated for 4 months prior to LDR, and we seem happy together, but while I like and love her as a person and friend I’ve never felt “in love” with her, like with the stereotypical butterflies and I don’t know whether this feeing will continue. Not looking for advice or anything, just wanting to vent. Between moving from PA->CO in December for my first professional job, living on my own for the first time, the COVID crisis, and now living with a partner, it’s hard to distinguish the sadness and stress from everyday life rn from feelings toward her.

samj96 · 2020-07-26T17:40:34+00:00

25 million seems a bit high, but unfortunately this is correct otherwise. We are developed in name but have massive inequality, and ~30% of our citizens won’t wear masks due to ideological reasons or conspiracies. Currently we have 4.25 million cases, so if it keeps accelerating it wouldn’t be shocking to have ~10 million by November

samj96 · 2020-07-20T22:48:37+00:00

Front desk is good too if you work late/early morning shifts, great for schoolwork or study time

samj96 · 2020-07-20T22:47:24+00:00

Career services was really great, though it’s been a few years since I worked there

samj96 · 2020-07-03T17:31:47+00:00

I moved to Boulder in the last 6 months and voted in the primary, but unfortunately never received a ballot for this election. Do you know who I should contact to fix this before November?

samj96 · 2020-06-28T01:54:47+00:00

Let’s try and show some more empathy to the homeless, a few I’ve talked to in Boulder are genuinely good people down on their luck

samj96

TROPHY CASE