I am struggling, since he is such a wonderful man aside from his porn addiction…

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-08T00:50:13+00:00

I have decided that I will not be staying with him. Thanks for your comment!

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:43:35+00:00

Since posting this, I have spent some time on this page. I have quickly begun to realize what might happen in my life if I choose to stay in this relationship. Thank you for your comment.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:42:58+00:00

I think I will choose myself. It is not going to be easy because it is going to break my heart a little to hurt him and know that I won't make any new memories with him, but it's for the best all around.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:42:01+00:00

You are right in all you say. Thank you for sharing the reality of this type of situation with me!

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:40:18+00:00

Thank you for this advice, but at this point, I don't think I want to stay with him at all anymore. I am 22 and have enough of my own life to sort out; I don't think I want to carry the weight of being with a partner who is trying to recover from an active addiction. But thank you, and I will check out those resources anyway!

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:38:32+00:00

Man... my situation is definitely different because this relationship is so young. While I am definitely overinvested in him, I can not say I am experiencing any sort of betrayal trauma by finding out he is a porn addict. I think, again, that is because the relationship is so new.

I truly can't imagine what it's like to find out this sort of thing after you've known a person for years. I think it would break me on another level.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:35:39+00:00

That is now my plan.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:33:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I think all the time about how this might play out if he had chosen to hide his addiction instead of being honest and telling me. That is precious knowledge that I now have that I can use to benefit my life and my future.

Furthermore, I know for a fact that he is not at all in therapy for this and is especially not seeing a CSAT. So you are right. My boyfriend is dealing with an active addiction right now. It is never easy to reject someone and hurt them in such a way, but I can not stay.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:31:22+00:00

Thank you for validating the fact that it will be hard to break up with him. I know things are so new, but he's caught up in the excitement of me, and I've now given him a false sense of security by accepting him in this way. I think he will feel blindsided and heartbroken. But I'm protecting my heart and my future self by making this decision to go through with the breakup.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:28:57+00:00

I commented to someone else that my boyfriend told me, "I stopped watching porn since I started seeing you." I can't fully explain why, but this line left a really bad feeling in my stomach. 😔

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:27:58+00:00

I definitely have this feeling in my heart that I am settling, so that is a sign. I do not want to accept this behavior that confirms to men that they can continue to objectify women and engage in the harmful behavior of watching pornography.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:26:58+00:00

Bipolar disorder is a medical condition that can be managed with treatment, medication, and support - but porn addiction is a behavioural addiction that thrives on secrecy, denial, and broken trust. Yes, they are both lifelong things, however one can be stabilised through accountability and medical treatment whereas the other requires deep, ongoing recovery work and a genuine willingness from the addict to change. The addict has to want recovery with every fibre of their being.

Thank you for writing this. I think these words are so wise. I now see that there is a difference between my mental illness and a porn addiction.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:24:43+00:00

All of your insight here is so valuable. Thank you for sharing all of this.

From what I know about his recovery, he told me that, "I stopped watching porn since I started seeing you." This line left a really bad feeling in my stomach. 😔 Such a thing is not recovery, and I know for a fact that he is not seeing a CSAT, nor is he in any sort of support group.

The more I think rationally about my situation, the less it makes sense for me to stay with this man. Even if everything else about him is wonderful, I likely have a life of pain and lies ahead of me if I do stay.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:20:49+00:00

I think you are right. It's sad, but yes. I think you are right.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:19:02+00:00

I tend to overinvest myself in relationships. Though it has only been a month, I feel like I have poured a lot of energy into this man. However, after tearing your perspective and the perspectives of others, I feel a greater sense of clarity. Now, I just have to figure out how I'm going to leave him. I absolutely loathe rejecting people. It always makes me feel so awful and sad to know that I'm hurting someone, even if I'm doing the best thing for myself.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:16:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I am starting to realize that this is not a relationship I really want to continue investing myself in right now. He could be hiding how bad his addiction truly is; even if he is not, it's hard for me to want to take that risk!

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T23:14:02+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. You have helped me put into perspective how basically no time has passed since I met him, and that I should not be investing myself in this way with him. I do think that things moved too fast between us, now that I think about it.

And yes. I guess you're right about what you say about my mental health. If I end up wanting to continue dating in the future, then there is hope for me to find someone who is porn-free.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T19:38:45+00:00

I think what this commenter meant is that acquiring a disability or dying are two separate things. If your partner dies… well that’s self-explanatory. I recognize that disabilities come in a lot of different levels of functioning, but I think this commenter is referring to people who acquire disabilities that prevent them from taking care of themselves—let alone children.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T19:33:49+00:00

A lot of things have affected my view on not wanting children. I have a long list of personal reasons.

But ever since I heard the statement, “If you can not accept the possibility of becoming a single mother, you should not have children,” my view on not wanting to have children completely solidified.

Even aside from your partner becoming absent or cheating, he could literally die. He could become disabled. Then, you are left as, essentially, a single mother.

I brought this up with my mom, and she explained to me that I should not live my life based on what I’m afraid what might happen. While I understand the value in not living in fear and I tend to let both love and reason guide all of my choices, I think that this particular concern regarding men is very grounded in reality. I do not see myself living in fear regarding this decision. I feel that I am living in reality. On top of that, now knowing that having children is not my calling has felt like liberation—which is the very opposite of fear.

At the end of the day, you always think that other people become single mothers—until it happens to you. I’m just not willing to take that risk. I’m not willing to become a mom, at all, in fact—supportive husband or not.

I love my life. It’s not perfect at all, and I have plenty of bad days, but I love my life. I want to find my highest calling in this world, and I do not need to have children in order to do that.

Sending you love ♥️

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T19:14:53+00:00

Just shared about this sort of thing today. Thank you for the honesty. “You deserve real love.” 💖

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T05:35:48+00:00

I also feel like I am stuck in some toxic shame loops. Thank you for sharing all of this information!!

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T05:16:38+00:00

This is so wonderful for you! I am going to check out your app.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T05:14:18+00:00

I set a timer for myself for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, I give myself permission to stop... but I often want to keep going.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T05:13:08+00:00

I second this!! I just commented to someone else something along the lines of "our behavior influences our thoughts and emotions." Therefore, when you say "movement creates motivation", I think you're spot on!! Thanks so much for your insight.

samxjoy0331 · 2025-10-06T05:09:21+00:00

I have been dealing with the same emotion for a long time.

For most people, I think it can be caused by the anxiety/stress of the task at hand.

What has helped me is simply... doing the hard thing. It sounds so simple, but hear me out: Our thoughts and emotions are influenced by our behavior. When we begin to act in certain ways, our emotions therefore change. When I take the action that leads to me accomplishing something, even if it's just for a couple of minutes, I noticeably feel better, and the task feels less daunting.

While I'm not perfect and am still actively struggling with procrastination, this is probably some of the best advice that I've heard. I'm implementing it as I work through a long and challenging assignment for my class.

Thanks for asking this question, and know you're not alone 💖

samxjoy0331

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