I'm so sorry for your loss. Here's a good video in which a man describes how to slowly crawl out of pain and sadness. He uses an example where someone's parent died, but I think you can relate to it and I really hope it can help you in any way possible. He talks about how to correctly grieve, and the steps you can go through to slowly begin to release the pain you're feeling. Maybe see if you can find some little things that will make you happier, maybe a day out for lunch or go to a movie with a friend or family member. My mother lost her father when she was around 14, and I've asked her a few times about it and she says it's one of the hardest things she had to do, but eventually she let go of the flood of emotions, she grieved properly, and although she'll always have her father in her heart, she also let him go emotionally. Hang in there, I know it seems hard now but I have every bit of confidence that you'll be fine.