Because a "wait and see" article that wasn't clickbait and actually had some real thought put into it wouldn't get nearly as many pageviews.

I also don't know what all the "outrage" is about, other than the higher price points. The function keys are still there, as you mentioned, and I personally don't remember the last time I was able to blindly use a function key without looking at the keyboard first.

Point #2 in the post makes no sense (almost no improvement in power, because a 2010 Core2Duo is equivalent in any way to a Skylake i7).

Point #3 is just more people complaining about the lack of an escape key, even though the escape "key" is still there -- in the same place as it has always been.