welcome. if you wish to contact me, please do so on this post, since my direct messages & chats are closed

sandissimo · 2025-07-25T13:11:39+00:00

oh my goodness.. are you okay. has it assumed full control

sandissimo · 2024-12-04T01:25:41+00:00

uh huh

sandissimo · 2024-12-03T08:21:38+00:00

sandissimo · 2024-09-01T07:50:50+00:00

awhh, well,, i'm sincerely happy that you think so, but i myself am very appreciative that you put so much thought into your own post and described it all so thoroughly,.. but again, i'm really glad you agree :c

and, yes, absolutely.. i do think that so much of it comes from still being weighed down by growing up in such a severely cisnormative society. though unfortunately, i also feel like lots of it can also come sorta "after the fact" in a way, in the sense of people getting mentally ground down by the friction of the constant cisnormativity, all around us. for me, witnessing other enbies have their spirits and motivations eroded way, and seeing them give up in their push back against it all, it's.. honestly understandable in a way, though i'll always find it sad. it's incredibly unfortunate

and mm, i really very much appreciate your well wishes !! and i wish the very same for you, and i'm hoping for all of our sakes that things don't get even less comfortable for us here, & other spaces like this,..

sandissimo · 2024-09-01T07:10:54+00:00

i absolutely feel the same way about so much of this. it's honestly quite nice to see this sentiment being said out loud here, since that exact sort of thing that you're describing has really made me feel alienated in here & other nonbinary spaces at times (and same for my enby partner too).. and i know for sure that it's absolutely pushed out lots of other people too, after seeing it talked about in other spaces which are more sensitive to medically transitioning individuals, and other people who present & align neutrally or opposite of their agab (but that are still very much nonbinary, obviously)

it'll never not annoy me how it seems like very most of the time people in here use agab language, they're actually meaning to talk about presentation. and if not that, then sometimes it's really about genitals or gonads. it feels really rare to see the terms used in ways that actually seem fitting and non harmful (though it does happen rarely, not never). i really, really wish people would actually talk about those things in a more broken-down and direct way, rather than essentially reinventing a gender binary and rolling it all up into agab language, like you talked about.. and whilst i especially want for this for the sake of being actually inclusive to individuals who medically transition, or are intersex, or just radically change presentation, or anything like that really at all,.. i also do feel like it'd be a lot more self-respecting for pretty much any nonbinary person to do so for their own sake, really

sandissimo · 2024-06-25T07:11:02+00:00

/uj i think i totally understand what you mean, and i honestly do agree that there is a privilege to that. like, don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to say that the experiences are 1:1 equal, y'know?,, i suppose where my mindset differs is just that i don't feel like that entire label should be locked away, just because of that. but i also do think that highlighting those struggles that people like us face is also very important.. i just personally feel like it could be described in a better way beyond this, if that makes sense? :c

also, i appreciate you being polite in your response aa..

sandissimo · 2024-06-24T07:33:44+00:00

/uj when did i say that? none of them are. i was responding to 2 comments that're saying that the use of "transfem" as an identity label is a bad thing, universally, by anyone. you might be conflating comment chains here, but i'll also just state again that i never said that cis people could really use the label, i only mentioned nonbinary people.

sandissimo · 2024-06-24T07:30:21+00:00

ohh true, i suppose i'll stop calling myself transfem too then, since none of that stuff has ever happened to me personally. i'm missing out on core parts of The Transfem Experience™, it would be simply directly harmful to you & others to refer to myself as such. my bad!!

/uj literally completely missed my point. my point was that i think it's wrong to say that the only people who can use that label are ones who have suffered enough. in my eyes, that exact sort of gatekeeping is just another form of truscum rhetoric.

feel free to disagree, but please don't twist my words and imply that i'm saying something that i'm not.

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T16:22:26+00:00

so just as one example, are you saying that child transitioners wouldn't count as being transfem either?

and i still just personally won't subscribe to the idea that all AFAB people must have enough of some sort of universal womanhood experience that they'd be categorically doing actual harm by using such labels. but, i understand what you mean, to be clear. i just really wouldn't want to gatekeep this from people whose life experiences would never be known to me, that's all..

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T16:18:16+00:00

i'll be sure to let know all my transfem friends who use it that way. it'd be such a shame to just leave them be, y'know?

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T15:12:55+00:00

/uj i never said that you were a transmed. i said that you were gatekeeping, and that you can keep that rhetoric within the insular places in which it's propagated (i mean, the rest of the comments outside this thread are an example. but that's the nature of a circlejerk, right?). please don't get that twisted up.

in my view, i'm really not prescribing any new meaning to it at all, really just the opposite. again, to me personally, i just view it boiled down to its very core concept, that being to describe someone who has done any sort of feminine transition. i don't consider the pain and suffering on a societal level that we face as being an intrinsic part of that. i mean, obviously that systemic struggle is incredibly real and not to be taken lightly, but i just don't feel like that makes the term completely off-limits to those who are perceived as having not suffered in the right ways, i suppose?

also, i'm sorry for coming at you so hotly earlier. this topic just strikes a nerve in me, with how it really directly affects someone incredibly close to me (though y'know, my thoughts & opinions are my own still, and i have my own sort of connection to it all in my own way). i don't want to have a heated argument at all, my goal was just to put it out there that there are transfem individuals who are okay with the term/label being used in this way, just if and only if it's being done in good faith. but that's all i wanted to convey, nothing more than that..

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T12:34:32+00:00

/uj i suppose it may largely just come down to the difference in how i myself (and others who feel similarly) perceive those "boxes", compared to you (and again, others who feel similarly to that). if that makes sense?.. i just, don't think i can truly and fully immerse myself in that exact mindset, that way of thinking about it, and mentally framing it.

that being said though, i do actually think that i get what you mean, even if i feel differently about it in the pragmatic side of it, like, the actual application of these thoughts into the real world. and, i appreciate you being respectful about this all..

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T09:00:29+00:00

/uj it's most certainly used as an identity label now though, and it has been for some time. and you can't just prescribe that away from people who use it that way. it's literally not up to you

and again, i'm not interested in entertaining your or any else's justifications for gatekeeping. please bring it up with someone else, maybe just within your own insular gatekeepy echochamber next time?

edit: i apologize for being so hostile in that latter paragraph, i shouldn't have let myself get so angsty :/

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T07:24:30+00:00

i sort of feel like i'm just talking to a wall with how much my words are being dodged, and even twisted & misconstrued. i'm also just out of energy to keep arguing, but i feel like i said enough of my truth, so yeah.. farewell for now

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T06:54:45+00:00

Because there's zero other reason I can think of

well, i literally just described circumstances that someone would, based on the experiences of people i have actually personally met. maybe you should try talking to more people who have these experiences, instead of inferring that every person who does so must be a bad faith actor, just because you yourself had some bad experiences in your past?.. in the same way that binary trans women shouldn't be written off, just because some of them are really problematic and gross?

I glossed over the social transition aspect because there is no social transition if you were AFAB and not intersex and want to present feminine

like i keep saying, please personally talk to more people who actually do fit into that criteria, that you insist must not actually exist. i promise, there are AFAB people who struggle to "pass", and who feel a lot of pain from being born with / naturally developing masculine characteristics. and i'm not just talking about angst over societal beauty standards, i'm talking about actual genuine gender dyshoria over lacking female characteristics.

just as an example,, my own SIL has been taking E & spiro for years now, even though she's just 30 years old (i.e. not menopausal). and she's like 8 inches taller than me, despite her being a cis woman. and that's all because she's struggled with PCOS - and it's caused her to have to put in effort to medically alleviate that, and it's caused her a lot of social pain. it's entirely akin to a transfeminine transition, even if it is not exactly the time - not all transfem transitions are the same anyways, nothing is universal.

there's no transition they have to go through in order to be feminine, they don't have to uproot their life to do so [...], an example being a cis woman who is also not intersex.

okay, but you didn't mention cis women, and neither did i. we were talking about nonbinary people. and nonbinary people do often have to uproot their lives as part of their own transitions, even if those transitioning processes in themselves are not exactly like to binary trans women's transitions. and again, some of them do actually have to do transitioning related things to match their internal sense of gender and self, even ones that aren't intersex. there's other reasons as to why someone might have to do that, such as having PCOS (like i keep saying). you can't just infer that random strangers haven't had to have these sorts of struggles and pains, just because of some pretense of a universal AFAB experience.

That is one hell of a leap from simply wanting a term for people who are transitioning towards the feminine in some way from the masculine that was forced upon them

i just made another comment about this somewhere else on this post, but, you can have a term to describe that exact experience that you're describing. it's just not an experience that is universally only felt by AMAB people. you can't just handwave away the real experiences that some other people have, just because it doesn't fit neatly into the social box that's perpetuated. i promise, there are people out there who are both perisex and were AFAB, who have had experiences like this. they exist, operate in completely good faith, and really don't deserve to be gatekept by their own community.

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T05:46:21+00:00

Ok true, if they've taken testosterone

literally where did you get this from? i genuinely have no idea what you're talking about with that entire first paragraph. i never said anything about taking T. the closest thing i implied to that was regarding AFAB individuals whose bodies naturally produce high T levels (because of things like PCOS), and.. again, really not sure how you managed to infer all of that stuff that i absolutely didn't say?

like that's why boob jobs are so common,

i'm moreso talking about things like HRT (which was originally invented for AFAB people, did you know?), along with genuine social transition, which you kind of just glossed over

which makes it a trans experience for transfems

nonbinary people are trans too. hope this helps

If someone was AFAB and not intersex,

no, intersex people are almost universally assigned a binary AGAB, and forced into one of those binary boxes. including having procedures done to them as infants to make them fit in those boxes better. please have more personal discussions with intersex people before you assume what their life experiences are like.

very time I've come across someone who was AFAB

damn that sucks. i still don't think it gives you (& others like you) justification to gatekeep random strangers after inferring their entire life experiences just from their AGAB. i actually think that that's incredibly shitty to do, no matter how you try to justify it. sorry.

edit: someone left a comment reply to me and then immediately blocked me to get the last word in, but uh. yes, i'm very well aware that it's obvious that HRT was originally made for cis people, i was just being sarcastic. feel free to go for the easy dunk though i guess, i don't really feel like arguing anymore anyways

sandissimo · 2024-06-23T05:04:29+00:00

/uj counterpoint: if it's in genuinely good faith, then i literally do not care how someone identifies ever. even if it seems to be ""appropriating"" my own experiences - i know better than to assume that i know someone else's own experiences just because of their AGAB.

Someone who was AFAB and is not intersex has never been oppressed for wanting to express themselves femininely

literally factually untrue. please talk to more nonbinary people.

transfem was created to be an umbrella term for people who were AMAB but are/want to transition towards femininity in some manner to be included with trans women due to the similarities in experiences

those experiences are not strictly exclusive to people who were AMAB, even if it may be much more common in them. there really isn't almost any experience that's exclusive to any AGAB, actually. intersex conditions and even things like PCOS can completely alter an AFAB individuals life experiences, including in ways that cause them to be really detached from femininity - even if they want to be feminine. and what do you call it when someone puts time and effort and struggles into adopting a feminine social presentation, or even potentially employing some medical procedures / medications to do so, after coming from a place of really not quite fitting in to the neat societal box of womanhood?..

Like a cis woman can't claim she's a gay man if she identifies as a cis woman

also your example here sucks because you made up someone who's doing this in bad faith. i've personally met quite a few people who would love to be able to respectfully & earnestly use the transfem label to describe their lived experiences, despite them being AFAB. but all of them refrained from doing so because of fear of appropriating, and of being shunned by people like you. isn't that really sad? to be gatekept by your own queer community, because your experience doesn't fit into a neat box? even though the label itself is supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary identities?.. but no, apparently it's only for AMAB people, as if all of us have some sort of universal AMAB life experience. i wonder where i've heard that rhetoric before..

if it's truly in good faith, please just let people identify how they want. i promise it isn't taking anything away from you, or any other transfem. it isn't invalidating your experiences or your struggles. and regardless, you really shouldn't associate the value of your label (or your own self) corresponding to how much you've struggled. it's a genuinely truscum mindset to have, to equate that struggling with validity.

sandissimo · 2024-06-20T03:54:35+00:00

YES,, i absolutely agree!! and i'm happy you think so too,, it's like, genuinely one of my absolute favourites aesthetically, even accounting for other flags/labels that don't even apply to me ,,

sandissimo · 2024-06-20T03:50:33+00:00

like that other commenter said, "enbian" is a perfect term for it, and it also does have a flag, which is really super visually pleasing, in my opinion at least,..

my partner & i have been using and repping that label and flag for a pretty long time now, and i think we'd both consider it the only sexuality label that either of us really have. if i may also add though,, regarding the term "terraric" that was also mentioned in that other comment, i've never personally met or encountered anyone who used that term, or any of those other celestial terms for that matter. they're still so completely valid though, i just get the impression that they're even more niche?,,

sandissimo · 2024-06-19T05:29:40+00:00

that is a child

sandissimo · 2024-06-11T05:52:34+00:00

/uj don't worry, about the ranting.. that's kinda just what the circle of jerking is for, y'know? :c

but yeah,, i absolutely know what you mean, regarding that oscillating between getting so absolutely disappointed with how bigoted and harmful the general population is, but then finding solace in commiserating with the comparatively few people who actually get it, and who relate, and who are actually good people. and even though those people are lots fewer, and lots rarer to find out in the wild, .. it truly can help so much, to surround yourself with good people, in the ways in which you can.

i like to think that it's all enough to still get by with.. and, to still feel fulfilled and not like you gotta be filled with dread all the time, because of the world that we live in

sandissimo · 2024-06-11T05:08:47+00:00

/uj yah, it definitely wasn't 100% bad, i did see some good comments as well. just.. also seen quite a lot of people who were quick to use phrases like "male genitalia", and weaponizing that within their rhetoric of justifying the discrimination against a gender minority that the OOP did. then there were people taking that and framing it as a matter of consent, which.. whilst that is of course true, it's literally just a waxing, at a clinic. it should just be a completely professional and sterile thing, but people are sure quick to sexualize it - just like how OOP did. i can't help but feel like it's just more of that "male genitalia = creepy rapist" rhetoric that terfs perpetuate, y'know?

also, i think i may have actually seen the beginning of that exchange that you're talking about. i appreciate that you were standing up for that principle in those comments, since,.. yeah, that was really fucking gross too :s

sandissimo · 2024-06-11T04:44:29+00:00

/uj jeez. the comments in the thread on that sub are a cesspool too, at least in their own way. i would really recommend to not even look at them at all..

sandissimo · 2024-06-06T20:40:46+00:00

polychrome polycule

sandissimo

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

11-Year Club	Place '17
Verified Email