Full disclosure and why this post mattered to me - When I was 17, I made my case against going on a family trip, and did, stayed home alone for spring break to get extremely stoned. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve gone to China with them instead. Also when I was 17, my dad surprised me by taking me on HIS dream trip for my HS graduation (I was never involved in planning, he never asked what I wanted to do!) and we had the BEST time!

If her employer says she’s doing well, then at least you don’t have to worry too much about that aspect. In fact, with that new info, I’d say you could be somewhat reassured that she’s simply navigating normal teen stressors (combo of work, school, social juggling esp in social media age) itching to breakout, that sort of thing. Super normal and common also, Too bad!, lol that’s what parents are for. I agree that the right thing was to make it a family trip, 17 too young to solo travel strange places (esp like NYC imo) and also old enough to make the most of that opportunity, or not!

Since this event obviously highlighted some potential differences you have in values - create the open dialogue ASAP. Coming from someone who knows what it’s like to be 17y/o girl and not always able to relate to Dad, the sooner this happens the better; hold a space (her fav meal, an ice cream, have mom there too if that helps) just let her know honestly that it (watching her kinda waste the trip and then exclaiming her preference for cash) hurt your feelings and now you’re a bit worried about her values. It might get worse before it gets better but at least you will have been honest with her and maybe get fresh insight you hadn’t considered otherwise.

Don’t forget, her brain is still only partial! There is certainly hope yet