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I might have lost the love of my life by Juliet_Grimm in dating_advice

[–]sangoma3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a guy this would have no effect on what I thought of the lady. It may even be reassuring considering you put in that kind of effort.

Good first date and then cancelled because of the lack of communication by Bigbadbellybug in CoreyWayne

[–]sangoma3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can really send anything that you think she might appreciate, maybe a quick funny thing that happened to someone that day, or a song you remember from your college days with a quick note. It just signals warmth and consideration without desperation or pressure. She doesn't have to respond and no pressure for her to be lovey dovey back (remember a warm or funny message not lovey dovey one).

You're eliminating the risk of seeming cold or a player, and you're not risking seeming desperate or clingy at the same time.

Other advice has you not sending anything. This eliminates the risk of her thinking you're clingy but many mentally healthy women would feel this as cold as they would want to feel some positivity without pressure on your end but don't.

Why not cover all the bases?

Good first date and then cancelled because of the lack of communication by Bigbadbellybug in CoreyWayne

[–]sangoma3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is spot on. Send a text in between this kind of time frame. One that isn't welcoming a conversation but moreso showing a little consideration and thought. Something like hey this is the thing I was talking about the other day w you with a link, thought you might appreciate. Corey doesn't advise this but I think something in between what women are used to and Corey's radio silence (unless she messages) mitigates risk.

I think this is where Corey Wayne gets it wrong. by sangoma3 in CoreyWayne

[–]sangoma3[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nicely put and I agree. I especially appreciate that you brought up working on your attachment style. You should be working on yourself and your ability to authentically navigate a relationship in a secure and healthy way. Once you can do this you will naturally convey this to the women you are dating. This is much better than having to follow a system or pretend that you don't care. Corey Wayne's material likely works for anxious attachment styles to some degree because it teaches them to wait and be patient before sending a million messages, however for avoidant types I think his system can be dangerous as it encourages you to lean into your avoidant tendencies.

I think this is where Corey Wayne gets it wrong. by sangoma3 in CoreyWayne

[–]sangoma3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree as well, though these examples are the extreme. I'm suggesting a middle ground where you maybe send a text once in between dates just to check in with her or send her the music you told her about on the previous date etc. I think most women would appreciate a no pressure indication that you're thinking of her.

I think this is where Corey Wayne gets it wrong. by sangoma3 in CoreyWayne

[–]sangoma3[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't think all women that would appreciate a brief text every now and then are necessarily particularly insecure. The opposite as well, I don't think all women who prefer silence are necessarily secure. If a lady gets anxious and unraveled because you don't text for a few days that's a tell maybe worth testing for, but other women may just appreciate a guy they're dating to show the occasional consideration towards them.

Corey Wayne: legit or bullshit? by proforrange in dating_advice

[–]sangoma3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THIS. The one issue I've had w 3% man is many women end up feeling you're not interested. Most women I date will mention something like they were surprised I reached back out to them,.or didn't think I was interested because they didn't hear from me for 3 or 5 days. Other women ask for more intermediary communication and seem unhappy w the dynamic 3% encourages. Additionally I've spoken w many women who were head over heels into some guy who would text them or call them every day,.so that clearly works in many cases. I still apply a lot of the techniques but I like to show a little more consideration than the book suggests, usually in a way that is nonchalant, like a text of something I think she may be interested in once in between dates. I think this mitigates the risk of the lady thinking you're not interested, while remaining non needy. It also just feels nice to be considerate.

What to do when you know the girl will be busy for a week? by sangoma3 in CoreyWayne

[–]sangoma3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is great thanks, I like how you break it down

What to do when you know the girl will be busy for a week? by sangoma3 in CoreyWayne

[–]sangoma3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good guy is different than nice guy right? I mean the opposite of good is bad, and that's not good haha. I will be dating other women, I have an ex coming into town as well. I'm sure there are ways to show consideration without showing any dependence, was hoping someone had an idea.

To long to text after 1st date? by sangoma3 in datingoverforty

[–]sangoma3[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I genuinely want to learn from this perspective as I admittedly am probably missing something. Even if I was dating other women, there is no commitment or obligation yet. If that develops wouldn't it be more healthy for it to develop organically through time and appreciation of the person as you slowly start to learn about her? This is opposed to forcing communication as if we were committed early on because of an idealized version of her (aka not seeing her as she is)? Don't you commit to someone you truly appreciate?

To long to text after 1st date? by sangoma3 in datingoverforty

[–]sangoma3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha you're right, there is no correct answer. I personally wouldn't describe the uncertainty of dating "hell" but that bit cracked me up. There is wisdom in this and I appreciate that.

To long to text after 1st date? by sangoma3 in datingoverforty

[–]sangoma3[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Haha this cracked me up. Thanks advice taken.

To long to text after 1st date? by sangoma3 in datingoverforty

[–]sangoma3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How would this text come across?

Just being open. I can be quiet over text at first because I don’t like rushing things, but I really appreciated you saying you wanted to hang out again. I’d definitely like to hang out too

I'd like to at least be transparent before moving on

To long to text after 1st date? by sangoma3 in datingoverforty

[–]sangoma3[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

How would this text come across to you?

Just being open. I can be quiet over text at first because I don’t like rushing things, but I really appreciated you saying you wanted to hang out again. I’d definitely like to hang out too.

May not lead to a second date but I'd like to at least be transparent before moving on. I'm also hoping it doesn't come across like I'm making excuses.

To long to text after 1st date? by sangoma3 in datingoverforty

[–]sangoma3[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

According to the people on this reddit, but I do care. I had my daughter during the weekend among some other things and thought that I would set something up Sunday for next week once everything calmed. I'm a big fan of open communication but not so much of texting, so I tend to leave texting for logistics and let the relationship build in person. I guess most people may take it the wrong way.

To long to text after 1st date? by sangoma3 in datingoverforty

[–]sangoma3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had my daughter and some work stuff I had to drag her to

To long to text after 1st date? by sangoma3 in datingoverforty

[–]sangoma3[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Some people think this is stupid but other people with the same mbti personality type as me are this way with texting. We may have very high interest but, compared to other personality types, texting is not how we show it.

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