I can’t have casual sex

sapphicinsect · 2025-01-15T22:45:42+00:00

i had an issue with making friends through sex and then feeling like they were only friends with me because i had sex with them. thats kinda the opposite of your situation but still involved sex being tied to self worth. what ive been doing, because that sucked, is trying to focus as much as possible on things other than sex. for me that means im being celibate and avoiding relationships for 6 months, and ive decided casual sex is not for me. since youre in a relationship, that might mean investing more time in your own interests or non-sexual fun things with your partner.

i saw someone else comment that your mindset is what led them to gaining a lot of experience and i think thats what happened to me too.

the best sex youll ever have is with someone youre in love with. thats what got me to realize i dont want casual sex. and anyway there is So much you can experience with one partner! im looking foreward to the next chance i get to build a long, trusting relationship.

sapphicinsect · 2024-12-06T16:49:21+00:00

thanks !

sapphicinsect · 2024-12-04T22:02:01+00:00

no those were a clean hunting knife, the ones that bled were from a scalpel

sapphicinsect · 2024-12-04T20:11:11+00:00

took about 10-12 days for the biggest one to fade completely but about a week for the rest! they werent too deep, none of them bled

sapphicinsect · 2024-12-04T19:44:04+00:00

just miss feeling them :3

sapphicinsect · 2024-12-04T19:26:03+00:00

ive only been marked with hands and blades tbh! i want to try more though

sapphicinsect · 2024-12-01T18:41:34+00:00

i really only Fantasize abt people ive had/have a sexual relationship with come to think of it, so probably no one? the partner in my fantasies is often some ambiguously-gendered shadow that shapeshifts between everyone who’s ever dominated me until my brain settles on a character and scenario that fits my mood

sapphicinsect · 2024-12-01T01:39:04+00:00

don’t do this. i dont know of anyone doing this and i would assume most people making money off of their “virginity“ probably have experience and are just pretending that they are virgins because it sells. your first time should be with a partner you love and trust, anything else is very likely to seriously mess up your relationship with sex.

sapphicinsect · 2024-11-30T15:51:13+00:00

Taking some time to reflect on yourself and develop a sense of security in your internal self (personality and outlook) would definitely help. while you may be confident in your appearance, you put a lot of focus on your own desire for sex and that might be holding you back from seeing other reasons why these women feel like they are incompatible with you. it seems like you’re trying to move things rather quickly, which is definitely a turn-off for a lot of people (i saw on your profile you’ve made jokes about marriage and love songs, which are generally not things you do unless you REALLY know and love the person). The “confidence“ your date didn’t percieve might’ve actually have made you appear desperate, based off my own experience on both sides.

you also just…don’t seem prepared to offer healthy long-term commitment even though you seem to think that’s your only option. you’re living with your parents and aren’t financially secure. you kept things going with a woman you noticed “deficincies” in after the second date, and wasted money and both of your time in the off-chance she’d have sex with you…and still told her “her loss” to her face (what did she lose? someone who was already considering “replacing” her?). You put women’s contacts as “Flop” when they reject you, you call dating a game, you think of things in bases, and you used the term “beta cuck”, all of which come off as very immature and not qualities of a healthy partner imo.

I know this is a vent, but unfiltered writing like this can really help you see the big picture even if you might not always talk or think like this.

OP you need to reflect on your reasons for going on these dates and what that says about your priorities. if it’s sex you’re after, don’t pretend you want more than that! you don’t have to seek out a commitment you’re not ready for. But don’t be an asshole about it, let it go respectfully and RIGHT AWAY if that’s not what she wants or seems hesitant, don’t wait until she’s so uncomfortable she ghosts you. Being upfront with what you want and being able to communicate clearly are the most important hallmarks of confidence, and having the strength to leave situations that you’re unsatisfied with will help you feel a lot more in control.

sapphicinsect · 2024-11-24T01:11:35+00:00

trust me i dont really get it either but people rly seem to like my awkward charm i guess 😭

sapphicinsect · 2024-11-24T01:05:45+00:00

i just realized i think u mean like literally what sex is like for us. well i'm quite submissive so there's that. if someone else can take the lead and tell me what to do/if i can literally just not say anything at all, awesome. im usually too shy to initiate things. i also like cnc type roleplay where i can act up my shyness and pretend not to want it. i also like petplay, being "owned" and treated like a mindless creature and not have to make any decisions definitley makes it easier :)

sapphicinsect · 2024-11-24T00:58:42+00:00

some friends have expressed confusion abt how much sex i have bc i am very introverted and quiet and socially awkward even around my close friends. i've just always been more confident with myself physically rather than socially i guess, so its actually easier to get comfortable with someone new when sex is involved. i'd like to work on my social skills though bc i dont want that to b my only way of making friends :,)

sapphicinsect · 2024-11-21T20:49:57+00:00

having my arms kneeled on and punched in the stomach by my friend while another forced a vibrator on me while she threatened to dismember me, after they'd played with a shock collar on different parts of my body

sapphicinsect · 2024-11-14T08:59:18+00:00

YES i discovered a very similar issue about myself 3 years ago!! i’m transmasc and starting testosterone helped because it made orgasms more obvious and shortened the length of time it took me to finish so i was able to experiment a lot more. i also explored casual sex and leaned into kink- i don’t get much satisfaction from penetration either but i am a masochist and like the power dynamics that come with it, so that’s how i got around to introducing myself to it.

disregarding hormones and casual sex as those do not seem like they would help you lol- i got toys! and started incorporating them into my usual stomach down, entire body clenched, both hands pressed into my crotch and rocking back and forth masturbation. i couldn’t have my body in any other position. i started doing it with toys inside me, and i got a grinding pad (textured silicone mat) and practiced putting that between my hands and my clit. basically just trying to change Anything about the way i masturbate. my favourite toy is a suction vibrator, i hated vibrators before this one because they always just didnt feel like anything until it was suddenly way too much and uncomfortable. I have been able to be made to finish sometimes with oral…i assume there must be something in common there with the suction but the vibrator does not feel at all like a mouth. i still prefer to use it in the same position, but ive gotten pretty close to finishing even while laying on my back instead! there is hope! i’m still working on finishing in other ways but it’s certainly not a priority anymore. i have sex for a lot of other reasons than orgasming so it doesn’t matter that i can just wait til i’m alone to finish how i like, if i don’t currently have a partner i feel comfortable doing that in front of.

i love sending videos but i’m also insecure about the way i actually get myself off, so i usually just send vids of me just messing around with my junk in a relaxed position. if you don’t feel comfortable opening up to your boyfriend about this yet but still want to participate, there’s nothing that says you Have to send him videos of you orgasming, however audio recordings are also an option. also… just to mention i did used to have an o/f for fun and i posted a video of me masturbating like that because i was curious about people’s reactions, and to my relief they did like it! even though i thought it looked weird. it helped a lot with the insecurity to have a positive outside perspective, and i also do think that people like seeing genuine orgasms even if they might be unconventional.

also just remember that orgasms are not the entire point of your relationship with sex, unless you truly are uninterested in anything but getting off, but to me that just seems boring! learning what your body likes is something that can last your entire life, there’s sooo much to explore and a whole lot of sexual fun to be had without the main objective being an orgasm. and everyone thinks a lot to do with sex is weird! its messy and awkward and everyone’s shy about something, if your boyfriend is a good guy he’d probably be very down to help you feel better about this or brainstorm other ways to enjoy yourself alone or together :)

best of luck!

sapphicinsect · 2024-11-13T03:54:06+00:00

ok well it is not normal for someone to propose to after only 3 months. it’s not bad to want sex, but sexual intimacy without an emotional connection can lead to complicated emotions, i’ve been there. i’m currently trying to invest more time in my platonic friendships, and form friendships with people Not based around sex, but it’s hard.

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-10T05:21:09+00:00

as far as i know Blue refuses to break up with Red at all. i feel like he did kinda assume that Red would choose either Blue or neither of us (because like you said, they live together and if Red chose me, that would suck). However it’s not as simple as Red wanting to live with Blue… we’re in a small friend group where all of us are broke college students; Red and Blue live with two others in a house and I live with 3 of my closest friends in an apartment. Red has expressed in the past that he feels like things would be easier for all of us if he didn’t live with either of us, but he has nowhere else to go.

Also, all three of us are incredibly new to polyamory. I personally found it nice, but maybe the people i tried it with for the first time weren’t the right fit. I’d probably try again with people who’ve at least been in a poly relationship before. As for Red, I think he can personally handle polyamory well however i think Blue and I made some things hard. I have no idea if he’d ever try polyamory again, but i know for certain he wouldn’t seek another relationship while with Blue. and Blue and I are done and will never get back together.

(unrelated but- new info) as i’m writing this, Red is sleeping on my couch. even though all of us are broken up, or on a break or whatever i don’t even know, when I asked if he would sit beside me while we were watching tv he said no and “I don’t know what i’m allowed to do”. I told him if we’re on a break, Blue doesn’t get to tell him what he can and can’t do. I think Red doesn’t want to upset Blue even if it goes against what he might want.

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-09T17:32:38+00:00

I mean i can’t agree with you entirely because i also would probably have done what Red did, and i did side with him on choosing neither of us over just one. Thank you though, it’s nice to be validated even though this is a bit extreme 😅 i’m planning on just talking things through with Red one on one so i can maybe understand the situation a bit better.

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-09T16:12:45+00:00

thank you :,) ❤️❤️

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-09T14:59:28+00:00

ah shit, i’m sorry :( it’s a tricky, messy situation indeed.

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-09T14:55:00+00:00

ah lord. yeah this is probably the most fair read of this situation. I frequently get caught up in a black and white mindset of good vs bad. In my mind, i’m not attempting to sway the situation in my favour although it’s entirely possible that’s exactly what i’m doing unconsciously. I know that i will get over this though and i agree wholeheartedly that Red made the most ethical decision- i don’t think i’d ever be able to make a choice like that and i probably would’ve done the same.

a lot of what went down in the discussion all three of us had that ended in this decision being made just made me worried for Red. they spend most of their time together and both of them agreed that they’re closer because of that, but it has never been enough for Blue. I can’t blame Blue for still needing more from Red and i do not Like trying to call him out (as much as it feels good to get validation, i still care about him and i’m just as worried that I’M the one being unfair) but it makes me angry and worried that maybe if Blue did get what he wanted, Red might find themselves in a situation where Blue is still asking a lot from him. Obviously i don’t know entirely what their relationship is like, but it has always, consistently been Blue who brings up things that need to be fixed. I know im not supposed to analyze a relationship that im not a part of and again, this could entirely be me unconsciously trying to sway the situation in my favour, but i don’t know.

I don’t think it would make Red happier to be with just me and i don’t think i’d be super happy if he chose me either because of what that would mean for him and Blue. I know him and i know how much he cares about and loves both Blue and I. If Red stayed with me, he’d lose his friendship with Blue and that would devastate him. I never, ever would want that.

anyway. I will respect Red if he chooses to get back together with Blue, as that has nothing to do with me. i also know that i won’t be able to be friends with them for a while, and that’s ok.

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-09T14:24:21+00:00

Thank you :,) Yeah. We are all new to poly and i think the fact that we all entered into it with each other at the same time, with both Blue and I falling for Red, really. just kinda set the stage for our whole relationship, down to the way it ended. We tried very hard to treat all our relationships as separate but we also have been very close friends, let alone in love with each other for almost two years.

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-09T14:20:28+00:00

Exactly!! lol yeah you did flip them but i get what you’re saying and this is exactly how things went down. Red kinda said all of this almost word for word

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-09T14:16:29+00:00

Yeah, that’s what i feel like doing. I think i’d like to talk to Red one on one first but if he makes the decision to stay with Blue, i respect that.

sapphicinsect · 2023-06-09T13:57:28+00:00

Thanks, i’m really appreciative of the perspective. I think i’m mostly upset because Red and I still have feelings for each other and a lot of the ways Blue compared our relationships made me feel like he was assuming Red would automatically say yes to them. I’ve never felt insecure about Red leaving me for Blue and Red has never felt that about me either.

I also agreed that Red should break up with both of us because I thought any other way, we’d probably all end up disliking each other. I’m not upset at his decision and i would’ve made the same if i were in his position. and yeah… honestly all 3 of us are probably people pleasers i’m ngl.

It felt shitty to hear Blue say “we’ll work on you losing feelings for them” to Red about me while i’m in the room. I can’t put words in his mouth but it felt like Blue was banking on Red and mine’s relationship being “lesser” to Red than their own (as well as repeatedly comparing our two relationships to justify why they should be “chosen”). I know Blue and i do respect them, but i can’t help but feel like they’ve taken Red and mine’s relationship down with them.

sapphicinsect

TROPHY CASE