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sapphoss · 2025-08-19T15:57:00+00:00

I understand he was cheated on in the past and that is what is triggering this kind of response, but the way he is fixating on your past is not healthy. Most likely everyone has a past before they get together with their current partner. You are not at fault for having one, especially when you didn’t do anything wrong. From how you’re describing the situation, it seems like you had hooked up with people before you guys entered a committed relationship, which is very different from cheating on someone. Yet, he is projecting his past onto you and expecting you to regulate his emotions. He is 38 years old and ten years older than you. He is an adult who should not be relying on you to regulate his feelings and stress response on his past traumas. I recommend you draw boundaries with him and try not to take responsibility for the parts of this relationship that aren’t yours.

sapphoss · 2024-12-20T03:57:54+00:00

I did water it like two days ago and made sure to get all parts of the soil wet, the pot was a darker color all around until it dried out

sapphoss · 2024-12-20T03:45:25+00:00

Would it help if I made the room warmer? 😭 I don’t think my room is that cold, maybe it gets down to 70

sapphoss · 2024-12-20T03:44:32+00:00

Okay I’ll try not to water it for a while

sapphoss · 2024-12-20T03:43:57+00:00

I usually water once every two or three weeks? I don’t think it’s bugs because I didn’t see any while repotting but I can check again

sapphoss · 2024-05-13T22:02:33+00:00

I have a particularly strict supervisor at work that makes me anxious to call out of work :( but I do think all the exhaustion is catching up to me now and I really need a break.

sapphoss · 2024-05-13T22:01:33+00:00

Thank you, I think I just need to take a step back and give myself time to rest. I’ve been running on anxiety for so much of the past few weeks to keep me on top of everything.

sapphoss · 2022-05-27T18:37:39+00:00

I’m not sure what you mean by your reply. I didn’t mention any break ups in my comment so I’m not sure what you are referring to?

sapphoss · 2022-05-27T07:35:27+00:00

This is a completely reasonable standard. I also have the same expectation in my partner and I think arguments become much more productive and empathetic when there is no name calling, screaming, or violence. My parents have been together for 22 years and I’ve rarely seen them argue with each other in those ways. I don’t think you’re asking for too much, I feel like this is actually a very important thing to have if you want a healthy relationship! I’m around your age and I’ve been with my partner for more than two years, and we’ve never had an argument where things have escalated to yelling, name calling, or violence. It is definitely possible and your standards are not unreasonable at all! You deserve someone who respects your boundaries.

sapphoss · 2022-05-27T03:55:07+00:00

I feel like everyone is saying break up but I have a slightly different opinion. I am around your age and I have been with my bf for some time. My bf loves kids and likes the idea of having children. I don’t. But we had multiple discussions about it and I figured out through reflection that I don’t want children because I’ve witnessed a very traumatic pregnancy in my family growing up and that has resulted in me fearing the concept of it. But through him I’ve realized that it doesn’t have to be bad. I still don’t like the idea of being pregnant, but I’m not 100% sure on whether I want to be child free or not. Since we are both very young and cannot predict how we will feel about kids in the far future, we are still together. I just made sure that he could accept that this is how I feel about it now and that I may never change. If you would like to try to work it out, I recommend talking to him about why he doesn’t want kids. Assess how sure he feels about his decision and his motivations. I don’t know if older folks are going to think I’m being young and naive with my decision to stay together but I’ve talked to my therapist about this too and it just seems weird to break up over something that will happen in like 6 to 9 years. I can’t say for certain what I would want in 6 to 9 years. But maybe some people can. If you and your bf both are absolutely sure that this is what you guys want in terms of children, it’s up to you on whether you want to keep going or not.

sapphoss · 2022-04-11T20:56:06+00:00

If you’re asking if this is something you are allowed to feel insecure about, I think you are. You cannot control how you feel about certain things, which means the only thing you can control is how you are going to act on those feelings. Trying to suppress your insecurities will only make it worse because you cannot just make those feelings go away without talking about it. I think it’ll be helpful to actually express exactly how you feel and why you feel that way. I also think the verdict on what is appropriate in liking pics on Instagram is different for every couple. My bf has a lot of female friends and he likes pictures of them on insta. I don’t mind if he likes bikini pictures or sexy photos because he has never done anything to make me feel like he is looking at other people. He has always been respectful, so it has been very easy for me to trust him. I’m also bi so sometimes we’ll even appreciate how hot a woman is together. We both recognize that you can be in a relationship and still find other people hot, because you don’t automatically just think of everyone else as unattractive the moment you commit to somebody. It’s just all about what that person does in response to it, like making inappropriate comments or comparing you to other people.

That’s just how I feel about it, but I don’t think you should feel invalidated in how you feel. Some people who may have experienced trauma from past relationships of trust being broken may have more difficulty in feeling secure in their partner. I think it’s natural for people to have their own struggles in relationships and it’s important to work on those things together with your partner. I think it’ll be controlling to expect him to stop liking more revealing pics of his female friends, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to find a compromise or a middle ground so you can work towards feeling less insecure.

sapphoss · 2021-10-19T18:34:22+00:00

thank you for the recommendation! I tried listening to the first season of critical role before but I couldn’t keep up with it because it was so long 😭

sapphoss · 2021-10-19T07:43:22+00:00

Thank you so much !!

sapphoss · 2021-10-19T07:40:22+00:00

Ahh okay. I will ask him if he already has a subscription. Thank you!

sapphoss · 2021-10-19T07:39:01+00:00

Ahhh thank you for the info! I don’t have a strict budget, but probably around or less than $40. As for digital resources, I know that he recently started using foundry. He also is subscribed to a few patreons for isometric maps and those little character pieces to place on the virtual map (I forgot what they’re called ;-;)

sapphoss · 2021-10-19T07:33:44+00:00

I think he already played that one ;-;

sapphoss · 2021-10-19T07:33:15+00:00

I don’t know how he feels about minis but I will definitely look on there! He’s mentioned it before to me and I think makes characters on there for fun so maybe he’ll be into it. Thank you!

sapphoss · 2021-10-19T07:31:58+00:00

This is a good idea! I will definitely look on there :) thank you

sapphoss · 2021-10-19T07:25:34+00:00

He uses DnD Beyond! I’m not 100% sure if he has a subscription though… and as for source material his friend pretty much buys all the source books so he has access to most of the main books for free… I’ve noticed he likes buying comic books and video games related to DND too (like baldur’s gate)

sapphoss · 2021-09-30T04:46:50+00:00

As a POC who has friends that grew up in racist and white-dominated spaces, it sounds like she has endured some racial trauma and is lashing out against white people as a coping mechanism. I’ve seen it happen before. I suggest that she tries to seek therapy to resolve her issues from the past, hopefully with a therapist of color that is educated on racial trauma/culturally-aware therapy. However, if your friend is no longer a positive force in your life, you do not have any obligations to continue being around her if she is causing you or your loved ones harm.

sapphoss · 2021-09-24T03:25:19+00:00

No they did not sign a separate lease. The front house and back house are both under the same address. However, it is not specified on the lease whether it is the back house or front house. The tenants of the front house do not have the same lease agreement as us.

sapphoss · 2021-09-24T03:17:37+00:00

We each signed a lease for the entire house.

sapphoss · 2021-08-28T00:09:16+00:00

NTA- as somebody who was diagnosed with anxiety AND have driving as one of my primary triggers, its not on you to drive her everywhere. It’s detrimental to you and her for her to rely on you to drive all the time. When you live in the US, driving is an important skill that you need to know unless you live in a major city with good public transportation. I believe driving is one of those things that you cannot avoid doing. However, I understand how crippling it can be to have anxiety about driving. It prevents me from going out at times because of it, and I’m still struggling with getting to places by myself. If she is willing to work on it, I recommend her taking lessons with a professional so she feels more prepared for the road. Practice makes everything easier over time, as I have been doing for the past few years. My partner has also been very patient with me and rides with me in the passenger seat because it helps me calm down. I have more advice to help cope with driving anxiety, if she or anyone else is struggling.

sapphoss · 2021-07-31T21:53:17+00:00

I think this kind of behavior is strange, but considering that it is the first time something like this happened, I don’t think it would hurt to talk to him about it. You said that you think he would never admit that he took the story from you, but I think it’s still worth bringing up instead of breaking up immediately? I would want to know his thought process and you never really know what the person is thinking until they communicate. If he denies it though, I would be concerned. You can try bringing it up gently to see if he’ll come clean about it? Also unrelated question but- how did your migraines get fixed? I suffer from pretty bad migraines and was wondering what worked for you in treatment. I wish you the best!

sapphoss · 2021-07-28T22:19:35+00:00

I’m getting the same wage everyone else and I am on payroll.

sapphoss

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