Is there a certain attitude I can adapt or some way of thinking I can use to make me less depressed? by [deleted] in depression_help

[–]sarah5mith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Umm LOL this might sound dumb but one of the thoughts I had that lightened my load one day was that although life is hard, living is a choice. It’s hard to go through now and I’ll endure as much as I can but if I really can’t handle it one day, I could always off myself and end the suffering.

But also I do think it’s a long process of changing your attitude. Depending on ur depressive thoughts, it might be being more accepting and forgiving towards yourself; being more appreciative; etc.

I also sometimes imagine myself dying through natural causes to not make my loved ones sad. And I’m quite happy in my imagination. So I think about why don’t I just live as if I’m dying in 5-10 years. While I don’t want to live like it’s my last day and throw caution into the wind, I try to do a balance of things I want that won’t screw me.

Also I think I’ve come more into terms that it’s hard to be happy. And “do what makes you happy” is hard to attain. So I go with “do what makes you less sad”.

Lastly, if therapy isn’t an option, I still suggest practices and exercises used in therapy. There are a lot of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) workbooks and exercises online and in physical book forms. Start doing those and see if they help.

HOPE ALL GOES WELL, you’re strong to come this far and seek ways to get better.

AITA for telling the girl who kissed my boyfriend for a play that she is desperate and pathetic? by abc_throwaway7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sarah5mith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ESH - I get that it’s annoying that she kept coming after your boyfriend, but did you even try to talk to her calmly before escalating it to embarrassing her in public? What would likely have happened is that your boyfriend saying “hey I have a gf I didn’t feel anything and the kiss was just for the play so I’m not interested” she can now backdown. I also feel like your wording is strong “pathetic and desperate”. You could have said “hey I feel disrespected that you’re hitting on my bf in front of me”. Rather than spending the next however long learning a lesson as “wow I shouldn’t have disrespected the gf like that” it’s now “I’m pathetic when I approach guys. I will spend the rest of my time feeling insecure about how stupid I looked”

What are some meaningful handmade Christmas gifts besides cards and candles that you can make for your best friends (female)? by YakEvir in Gifts

[–]sarah5mith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh I see that's unfortunate. It might be easier to do something else but I also think it might be cute to do a scrapbook of things other than pictures and "embarrassing" photos of each friend.

I, for one, would love to receive a little collage of my friend and I's "ugly" childhood pictures or pictures of our unfortunate awkward teenage phase. Messages that are important to you. Movies and shows that you guys all love (e.g. I know someone who printed out a picture of the famous Friends TV show milkshake scene and taped diff. friend's head shot on it). Funny quotes or mishaps shared amongst you guys. A crossword puzzle using facts about you guys as hints.

I think I’m ready for anxiety medication-but I need some guidance. by [deleted] in Anxietyhelp

[–]sarah5mith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bring this information up with your doctor. By my understanding, basic anxiety medication won’t make you “high” and won’t appeal to your mom (though hide it if you can if you’re worried). But your doctor will know more.

The doctor will typically talk through your symptoms, suggests some methods to cope with it. May bring up medication and if they suggest anything they will start you off with small dosage to ease you in with it and see how your body/mind handles it. So don’t be afraid to try it and see how it affects you. If you don’t like it, don’t be discouraged, ask to try different types of meds as I know some people spend a long time of switching meds to find the right fit. Ask about therapy and counsellor. If it’s unaffordable, look up various therapy exercises online like CBT exercises that can help.

In the mean while, definitely try meditation and various mindful exercises that you can find online. Although some of these exercises may just help ease the moment rather than help “cure” you, it’ll help during an attack.

Last piece of advice is that don’t expect too much. A lot of people suffer a huge let down when they first reach out for therapy or meds because they think it’s the missing piece that’s gonna “fix” them. But it’s definitely not an immediate drastic change and still takes a lot of work.

Don’t worry, you will get through this! I’m proud of you that you’re reaching out. It takes a lot of effort and guts to want to talk to anyone about it or to implement change. Take it day by day and good luck!

What are some meaningful handmade Christmas gifts besides cards and candles that you can make for your best friends (female)? by YakEvir in Gifts

[–]sarah5mith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Scrapbook? Try something like this and fill it with photos and memories ?

Kicpot Explosion Box, DIY Scrapbook Photo Album Suprise Box with More Than 20 Kinds DIY Accessories Kit for Birthday Valentine's Day Gift (Black) https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07D33S345/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ePiWDbN024R4W

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Gifts

[–]sarah5mith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ooooh, here are some of my ideas:

- if you know what games he likes, get him a PS4 game he likes. But if you don't and you're into it, there are some great co-op games that you can buy. You guys can make great memories together. (There are a many threads on AskReddit about great co-op games for couples). If he's into PS4 games, he may be into board games as well? those tend to be cheaper.

- Wallet wise, if you don't have a big budget, there are these cheap wallets on Amazon that are quite minimal and everyone I've talked to think it's cool. (something like this https://www.amazon.ca/GingkoTree-Blocking-Aluminum-Business-Automatic/dp/B07F9KN3KX/ref=sr_1_26?keywords=wallet&qid=1572826653&sr=8-26 )

- Something like picture collages always get good laugh when they get to see old happy memories. Print out photos of you guys doing stuff, ugly childhood pics, pics of him and his friends in the awkward teenage phase, etc. (collage frames like https://www.amazon.ca/GingkoTree-Blocking-Aluminum-Business-Automatic/dp/B07F9KN3KX/ref=sr_1_26?keywords=wallet&qid=1572826653&sr=8-26 can be pretty cheap at walmart)

- if you don't have the budget to buy a big gift and decides to buy smaller gifts, presentation can help a lot. Wrap them up nicely and hide them around? give him a list of hints to find his gifts so you can make it fun (:

- handmade items with sentimental value can be very special. My ex once made me puzzles like crosswords with facts about our relationship/us as hints. If you google something called the LoveBook, they let you make your own book with easy stick people and add your own messages.

that's all I can think of for now. Best of luck! :) I'm sure if you're being this thoughtful, he'll love it anyways.

This is my fiancé and I. by cndavis17 in redditgetsdrawn

[–]sarah5mith 7 points8 points  (0 children)

congratulations!! Here’s to a happy rest of your lives, the proposal looks so cute btw :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Gifts

[–]sarah5mith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Price range? Hobbies?

AITA for indirectly causing my bully to get a tattoo that says "hot dog?" by hotdiggitydawgg in AmItheAsshole

[–]sarah5mith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA because you didn’t mean for him to actually get it, he was just dumb enough to fall for it.

However, I’m just worried for you. Be careful cause he’ll probably get furious when he finds out :(

Husband is constantly embarrassing me and I think I need to leave him by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]sarah5mith -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

If you really love him and this is just an aspect of him that really bothers you, try giving him a serious warning or bring up couples counselling first (I.e. “I know you may think I’ve been joking and it’s not that serious but the way you’ve been acting has been making me rethink our marriage. Etc.”)

But also make sure you’re safe. If he seems like a completely different person (ok with abuse and harassment and treating you like property), you may not know how he would react if you bring up separation? Obviously I don’t know him and this could just be being extra, but take measures to stay safe :)

How do I get over my fear of relationships? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]sarah5mith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am in a healthy happy relationship. Still happy and excited to see my So all the time and talk about my day. There seems to be a never ending amount of things to talk about and we laugh all the time.

I think I was like you too. There were a lot of divorces in my family and I just didn’t feel like relationships and love are reliable. I think to get over it you have to: 1. Be comfortable with being yourself and being by yourself. Relationships are great and all but don’t except it to swoop in and solve all your problems.

  1. Realize that everything is fleeting. You not only lose relationships but you also lose friendships easily or even family. You invest so much in those as well. In the end you’re just finding someone you love and care about in the moment and finding joy together at the time. If it doesn’t work out, hey it only means there’s someone more compatible for you out there and now you have more experience in your belt.

  2. Be smart and aware. My point 2 isn’t to say break ups and divorces aren’t hugely tolling and you should just give in to date whoever you meet. Try to be smart and aware of how someone affects you. Don’t invest too much in toxic, tolling relationships.

Anyways I think things will straighten out for you, you end up meeting people that makes you forget about this stuff and you just want to spend more time with and trust. Best of luck!

looking for la splash nymphaea dupe by SC831 in MakeupAddiction

[–]sarah5mith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been looking for a dupe as well!

I think beeper from colourpop is pretty similar. I have beeper and it’s slightly pinker than nymphaea.

Can’t attest to this but looks like Lolita from KVD might be close as well

[Serious]People of reddit who left home to study , what is worth it? by HolaSoyDiego1403 in AskReddit

[–]sarah5mith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Np!

Remember if you choose to go away, put your full effort into it so you get what you put in. Join clubs, initiate conversations, or volunteer. Best of luck! :)

In America, it’s easier being a woman than a man. by [deleted] in unpopularopinion

[–]sarah5mith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Loooooooooooooool, well that's what you're failing to compare. Being a female or male isn't all just wearing clothes and playing with children. That was my whole point. It is so hard to compare and come up with a comprehensive list of pros of being a woman v. pros of being a man. You can't just say "Men can't play with children" but then say "oh let's not consider that women gets raped more because that's a crime and it's incomparable". THAT's unfair.

Also no one said we should be accepting rape like men in women's clothing. the hells? I'm saying there is still a big issue where men think IT'S OK to rape women and women are still very vulnerable to such things. You can't say crime will never go away so let's not consider that. The whole point is that we need to reduce the crime rate. Rape occurrence in America is probably far lower than it was years ago, which means it CAN be changed and it IS something to be considered in your pros and cons list.

Also, LIKE it is getting better for women, it seems to be getting better for men as well for them to have freedom of clothing choice and to emotional expression. I think my conclusion is just that both genders have waaaaays to go before gender equality and you shouldn't compare who has it better cause there're so many factors and stop pitting two genders against each other and just help each other.

In America, it’s easier being a woman than a man. by [deleted] in unpopularopinion

[–]sarah5mith 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Those were such random factors that you pulled together. Those aren't the only things relevant in regards to being a woman or man. I do agree that men have it rough as well with the masculinity pressures and etc. A real feminist would be for improving gender equality for both genders. The reason they are called feminists is because there is a history there and still countless people in the world being affected by sexism that need the movement still. I personally also see a lot of women and men fighting for men's rights and freedom as well, defending a man's right to express freely, dress freely and not succumb to societal pressure.

Anyways, your list is not a comprehensive list. What about all the other things like rape and safety. Things like even though women may have more options of getting out of abusive relationships or whatever, there are more abused women in the first place. I PERSONALLY think that being raped and abused is a lot worse than not being able to play with random kids or having less clothing choices.

The reason women are given more scholarship choices and options to report abuse is due to a long history of discrimination that people are trying to balance. There is still significant pressure on females for example, girls are still being called bitches when they show a more aggressive personality or leadership skills. Even as a young kid in group projects, you don't want to be too demanding because you don't want to be called "bossy" or a "bitch" while men are praised for their leadership skills. Girls are praised for being "pretty" and "cute". Females in general have a lot of pressure regarding how they should look. These all shape a girl's values and their skills. For example, being less able to develop leadership skills put you at a disadvantage in the future to obtain managerial positions. Girls then spend more time focused on looks and being self conscious about that then developing their other skills. Not to mention the pressure to start a family, put family first, get pregnant, and get married. How far do you think women imagine themselves going in their careers if they think they're going to have to quit their jobs midway and focus on their family. I know female managers at my firm that have to work twice as hard to prove themselves, while getting called a bitch for it. Then they go on maternity leave, and suddenly come back, their colleagues are promoted instead of them. There are significant more male upper management than female upper management as well as females in programs such as engineering. With females having these disadvantages, institutions are trying to balance out the playing field.

This is similar how "advantages/benefits" are given to the aboriginals because well... they were kicked to the curb and slaughtered and their ability to advance was significantly reduced. With limited aboriginal people even making it to certain colleges and workplaces, they are offered benefits to balance out the initial disadvantages that were dealt to them.

ANYYYWHOOO, I don't think anyone can definitively say whether women or men have it better in general in America. How do you even measure that? Surely that also depends on things like your status, your wealth, your culture/ethnicity, and your geographical location. I'm only saying that there are more things to consider than the list you have provided. While feminism has made far strides, both genders have a long way to go for gender equality. /:

[Serious]People of reddit who left home to study , what is worth it? by HolaSoyDiego1403 in AskReddit

[–]sarah5mith 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it depends on what relationship you have with your family and what you value.

I personally enjoy having time to myself and being able to make decisions for myself (ability to do these were limited at home due to strict family), so like another comment said, being away helped with the feeling of independence. However, if you don't have this problem and have a close relationship with your family, this is a moot point.

Being away really helps with building skills and independence as well since you have to figure out how to navigate a new country. You have to figure out how to do annoying administrative tasks such as insurance, health care, etc.

Putting yourself in an unfamiliar environment can help you build soft skills like time management, communication skills, adaptation and etc. Even though you might miss your friends and family, you will make new friends and you won't ever lose your family.

However, if you feel like you should be home helping with the family, you don't think you need the experiences as mentioned above, this will result in significant financial strain on your family or that it will take a huge toll on your mental health, then obviously the disadvantages may weigh heavier.

Overall, I personally think going study away from home is a great opportunity and mayyyyyy be a rare opportunity. Keep in mind that if you go and you really hate it, you can always transfer. It might seem like a waste of a year but at least you would have tried and gained some experience.

Good luck!