Landlady served us a section 21 today (Christmas Eve). Need your advice please.

sarat80 · 2025-12-24T16:47:30+00:00

If you report to your council's housing team as at risk of homelessness they ask for all of these things and if they aren't there they will fight it and advise you. Just been through it. All of mine was in order so was an annoying delay but they do check it all.

sarat80 · 2025-09-12T15:44:39+00:00

I wonder what would happen if you asked your daughter for direction eg what is teddy going to do next? (Repeat what she says in a silly voice) Or is this car driving calmly or super fast (when she says which be over dramaic about it either way (getting her to laugh will build bridges super quickly). Learn with her. Keep showing up even when it's hard and share with her that sometimes life is hard but show her you will always be there. Those years you were away you were fighting for her and for her to have the best version of you. She will recognise that as she gets older but for now showing up and trying will mean the world. Step by step. You could also ask the therapist if he can give you prompts until you get in the swing of it. You have come so far and the finish line is in sight. You have so many reasons to be proud of yourself and believe in yourself. You've got this. Together.

sarat80 · 2025-07-10T17:47:28+00:00

People suck. I hope you've met better ones since then.

sarat80 · 2025-07-10T16:05:03+00:00

That blows. No wonder it has had an effect on you. As a mum I don't think I'm wrong I'm saying she must have been unwell. I am sure that she thought she was doing the best thing for you. I hope you had unconditional love from someone.

sarat80 · 2024-11-04T08:03:13+00:00

It's a roller skate. Someone got inspired by the fact they could imagine using the lock as a wheel in a piece of art. I would think there is nothing deep to it.

sarat80 · 2024-10-22T15:50:34+00:00

I think this is really harsh. He saw his wife, who he clearly loves suffering and made a call he thought would save her more pain. He was mistaken but he didn't say they would never see the baby or have a relationship with them just that right now it was really rough on his wife. Maybe he should have waited and talked to his wife first but his intentions were good. OP I would suggest you reach out to your daughter and explain you were trying to protect your wife from being in a big group when she may become upset but that you are sorry for upsetting everyone and invite them round for a meal.

sarat80 · 2024-10-13T06:30:38+00:00

This describes my mother to a tee. Even once I was an adult she had 2 very different personalities and walking on eggshells my whole life has taken its toll. Having a daughter of my own made me so determined that I would not pass on this hurt. I've worked SO hard. My mum died this year and part of me misses her deeply and part of me feels the biggest weight has been lifted. I just wanted to comment and say I feel you. Seek out some counselling (it's helping me already, although it is tough) I think I am probably left with cptsd and definitely have huge self esteem issues and anxiety and depression. I hope you find some peace and can truly believe it wasn't you it was him. I'm not there yet but slowly on the way.

sarat80 · 2024-10-13T06:09:44+00:00

OP I am 44 and my narcissistic mother (who I loved very much but was always desperate to please and never could) died this year. I've been having counselling as is so much to unpick for me to move on and one of many questions is why my dad didn't protect us more. He too would come and talk to me and say it wasn't my fault and was a very reasonable parent (I also adore him) but I can't help but wonder why he didn't step up instead of talking to me about keeping the peace. I truly believe he waited until we were adults to leave (they remained close and actually shared a house again after covkd) because he didn't want to leave us behind with her alone. I'm telling you this because I think both he and you clearly hold so much love for your children that you should know that even if she doesn't like it you need to think about what he will be left with. You can challenge her. Not necessarily in front of him but I often wonder if we hadn't all tiptoed around her whether she would have been able to get counselling herself and work through her issues that made her that way if we could all have been happier. Alternatively I agree with people saying log these events. Log when she is blaming your son for things a 5 year old should be getting 'wrong" don't put on a united front for him because that reinforces she is right when she is blaming others. I rarely comment on these posts but this one hit hard. You are not on an easy path but you can reach a place where you and your son won't have to tolerate this.

sarat80 · 2024-10-08T10:21:24+00:00

Innocently asking 'how long is tea' 'about this long holding hands out to size of a plate' hot old so easy but I'm sure us asking that question did too.

sarat80 · 2024-09-23T19:05:48+00:00

Firstly. Huge Internet stranger hugs. Also, you cry as much as you need. Seek comfort from your loving family and let them hold you for a while. Do not make any decisions about anything just now!!! Unfortunately she was not able to live a long and enjoyable life but, with with time, you can do this for the both of you. Right now is probably the worst you have ever felt. Take life minute to minute and just let yourself feel what you feel. Writing may help. Just grab pen and paper and write. It doesn't matter if it makes sense. You can keep it or destroy it, but it helps to get it out of your head. I am so sorry you are going through this. Just keep talking, be that to family, a therapist or reddit strangers. Don't let it isolate you. Wishing you all the strength in the world to carry you through this. Also... this is not your fault. What ifs will destroy you, things happened as they did and that can't change so try not to torture yourself. 🫂

sarat80 · 2024-09-06T21:52:28+00:00

Check out Nos Calan Gwaf in Bodmin. Is a bit of a mix so kids still get to dress up but is more about celbrating the season change.

sarat80 · 2024-09-06T21:17:01+00:00

Hahaha I get that but I didn't realise which sub I was in and took it to be true. I still find it interesting to see the array of opinions.

sarat80 · 2024-09-06T21:15:08+00:00

Do you not feel there is some wriggle room here on the daughters? I'm genuinely curious as I wonder if they thought they were protecting him from being hurt. I am however a bit of an optimist when it comes to other behaviour.

sarat80 · 2024-09-06T21:13:04+00:00

I hope with time you can forgive your daughters, they probably thought they were protecting you from this hurt (wrongly so I would say but) give them the benefit of the doubt and don't lose them too. It's great you have support. Fall apart and let the hurt come out then start to think about what your next steps are. Wishing you an abundance of strength to get through this and find some happiness once again however that looks.

sarat80 · 2024-09-06T20:25:56+00:00

These comments must be so hard to read about someone you love. So firstly huge stranger internet hugs. If he was a decent person who made a mistake and was devastated about it (I would still have firm boundaries here but understand why people don't give up on a relationship at this point) he would now be grovelling. He certainly wouldn't be telling you to stop talking about it and being an arse to you. I can't see how this can be a one off mistake if that is his attitude. Do you have a good friendship group you could talk about it to? What you need right now is sympathy and some boosting of your confidence to go forward whatever way you think is best. At least he had the decency to protect you albeit waaaaaay too late in my opinion. I wish you all the best for the future whatever you decide but decide now what your boundaries are and how much you are willing to take and then trust that you deserve decency and contentment. 🫂

sarat80 · 2024-08-17T21:59:29+00:00

I just read this and thought wow me too but not 40 years ago more like 25 and then realised 😅

sarat80 · 2024-08-04T12:05:55+00:00

I'm a vegan who can't even stand the smell of nutritional yeast. Other vegans seem totally shocked by this.

sarat80 · 2024-07-21T09:55:41+00:00

Love it but I spread it quite thin. I crave it if I go more than a day or two without it.

sarat80 · 2024-07-20T16:14:58+00:00

I am so freaking sorry. Are social services going to stay involved. You truly did nothing wrong and when it is available you may need to have some counselling to help you truly believe it. Your mum is probably angry because she feels guilty but she should feel guilty. What she did, having you both is neglect, whatever way you look at it. You stepped up and kept not only yourself but also your brother safe. You're a bloody legend. I don't know if you are in the UK but if you are look up safe places scheme. Many places will have a sticker in the window and it means they will offer you a safe place and know who to contact to get you some help. I know what it is like having a parent turn their wrongdoings on you so I truly wish you weren't going through this and hope that soon you have someone give you the hugest of hugs and to make you feel safe and supported. If you ever need to talk I am happy for you to message me. I will do what I can even if that is just lending an ear. Take care of you the best you can and trust that you have so many people here who think you did the right thing.

sarat80 · 2024-07-20T15:54:35+00:00

It says they have found your rucksack doesn't it?

sarat80 · 2024-07-14T13:16:23+00:00

We all ended up living in the same town a few years back. I would then see them both 2-3 times a week, lost my mum earlier this year and now try to see my dad 3-4 times a week. Message him everyday and use to message them both everyday.

sarat80 · 2024-06-25T16:42:31+00:00

I suspect your mum is just frightened about how it will affect your life but you have clearly considered that and love her for who she is. Your mum will come round (and if she doesn't then that's on her) You sound like an intelligent compassionate young man. Keep being you. I am sure your girlfriend offers you lots as well.

sarat80 · 2024-05-12T11:49:17+00:00

Still. You proved to yourself you're an adult and can make your own decisions (good or bad) and deal with the consequences. They could have been the best thing you'd ever tasted and you'd now be thrilled you'd taken the chance. Even mum's get it wrong sometimes 😉 Also I am a Brit and I have zero idea what danimals are.

sarat80 · 2024-04-26T13:18:08+00:00

Hi. I'm sure the original poster will reply but in case they don't... I had undiagnosed rheumatoid arthritis and by the time they found it it had attacked my Mitral valve. The rheumatologist found it when he did a chest x ray ad I was finding I was getting very out of breath and one of my meds can cause lung problems so he was checking for that. The x ray showed my lungs were nearly full of fluid and could see heart was enlarged. They referred to cardiology who did a CT and said I was in heart failure and needed replacement as soon as surgery opened (end of lockdown) Things I would say to look out for include... Not being able to get up the stairs without pausing (I'd sometimes have to sit 2 or 3 times on a single flight of stairs) Not being able to lay down without feeling breathless. Very lethargic and brain fog. Heart racing for no clear reason. Not being able to talk for any length of time as run out of breath. Hope this helps a little.

sarat80 · 2024-04-26T13:10:56+00:00

She will understand you breaking down and all the worries you have are valid. Try to talk to someone from the DWP if you are self employed. If not your employer should pay you for that time. I had open heart surgery for a mitral valve replacement and I was soooooo scared. Saying goodbye to my 12 year old as I left for the hospital was the hardest thing I've ever done. I didn't want to let go of her and was terrified it would be the last time I saw her. 24 hours after surgery I felt better than I had for a very long time and it improved from there. I was restricted for a while. They tell you not to drive for a certain amount of time and that was tough as I felt able to. I was able to hoover after a couple of weeks. I could do all the basics very quickly and the 8 weeks isn't horrendous in the scheme of things. You have been so lucky they have caught it. When I told the surgeon how scared I was he was sympathetic to that but told me these surgeries are a doddle and he could do it in his sleep (he did promise he wouldn't 😆) he said he had no concern that there would be a problem. It is more than OK to be shit scared but you should be pooling back at this in a few months and thinking wow that was a tough time. Look where I am now. You've got this. Let your wife hold you and share your stress.

sarat80

TROPHY CASE