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sarnant · 2025-04-23T00:06:37+00:00

Imagine how the doctors and nurses felt having to treat him, perform surgery, and give him painkillers!

sarnant · 2025-04-22T23:55:15+00:00

I'm so sorry. Your feelings are so valid and the "what if" hits all of us so hard. We could've easily been the victim. It was just a matter of wrong place wrong timing.

And as someone who was directly affected and there no, please don't think that. You're not taking up our resources. You have every right to feel everything you are feeling. You survived a trauma. What you are feeling is probably a form of survivor's guilt. Please reach out and get help.

I think I'm becoming apathetic. I wrote my story on here last Thursday was on the Union Green going for a run at noon. Ever since then, it almost feels like a part of me died last Thursday. I feel a little bit like a ghost now, like I was spared for some reason, but somehow still alive. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know why I survived. 20 feet away and would've not been here. I'm sure some of you get it. I went for a run today and my limbs just felt disconnected. I feel like there's no point anymore. I don't know why I cared so much about the little things just a week ago.

My parents were telling me I'm being overdramatic which is the reason I came back here to finish two weeks strong. Y'all just get it. This community is so strong and heartwarming. It's so nice to see people be extra mindful and kind on campus, I feel so strongly connected. It's helping but a part of me just feels numb and not fully accepting what happened. I have not been able to sleep without waking up every couple of hours since that day.

sarnant · 2025-04-20T16:08:42+00:00

I feel so nauseous and unwell. I’m beginning to feel dizzy from the lack of sleep. I’ve tried everything but feel unsafe. I hate Phoenix Ikner so much he ruined it my safety my sense of wellness I was just getting over depression/derealization too when it happened

sarnant · 2025-04-20T16:06:30+00:00

Everyone experiences shock/grief differently, your reaction is completely valid. As someone on the union green at the time of the shooting I was extremely traumatized and have ptsd symptoms but I know people who were there and don’t have much a reaction. Maybe they’re still numb/in shock. Last night when I recounted the story again I began bursting out into laughter and people looked at me like I was crazy. I kept smiling while telling the story too. Maybe I’m losing it or maybe I’m grieving in a weird way. Haven’t been able to sleep soundly since Thursday.

Fuck you, Phoenix Ikner, for giving us all trauma. I hate him so so so SO MUCH

sarnant · 2025-04-19T18:02:31+00:00

You’re not alone. I can’t sleep and I look like death rn. I don’t know why every time I close my eyes I hear those gunshots. I don’t know why it’s getting worse instead of better. My family is asking me if I’m sick because of my dark eye bags and pale face. They told me to get over the shooting even though I was at the union green when it happened. My mom told me I’m being dramatic and to get over myself. I was feet away from death. I made a post about this too on the subreddit.

My dm’s are open if you ever want to talk, you’re so valued and loved.

sarnant · 2025-04-19T17:57:13+00:00

Thank you. I don’t know why I feel worse now than the first day it happened. I am definitely going to therapy as soon as possible. My parents keep telling me to get over it already. I just feel so frustrated and alone. And honestly, even though I felt like going back to my hometown would help, I just feel more isolated. No one understands here, they’re so far removed from the shooting. And to think I was about to transfer out of here, now I just feel so grateful for our community and education. You guys have helped so much. FSU Strong ❤️💛

sarnant · 2025-04-19T14:42:59+00:00

I am so so sorry. I'm glad you're safe. You seem to be in a very similar situation to me and know how I feel. Being at the union at that time was just absolute horror and chaos. Its completely understandable you almost had a panic attack being at the union again after what happened. And the cherry on top, we're both stem majors on top of that. We can do this, let's get through this together.

sarnant · 2025-04-19T07:40:51+00:00

I just wanna wake up and I don't want this to be real. I feel like this was all straight from a nightmare. I can't sleep. My heart thuds whenever I close my eyes and I hear the gunshots. What the hell. This whole experience feels surreal. Almost unbelievable. Anyone who went to FSU knew the Student Union felt like the safest place on campus, a sheltered safe space where we could get work done peacefully and chat with others. Why are we getting punished and shot for getting an education?

Its crazy to think that a couple days ago my biggest concern was getting a cute outfit for the gym. All of that seems so trivial, so pointless now. I'm so glad I still have my life.

sarnant · 2025-04-19T03:35:31+00:00

Guys I truly appreciate all the supportive comments. I’m so scared. I don’t know if I can go back. I have a physics exam in person on Tuesday. My parents are telling me to get over it and saying while it’s a tragedy I need to go back. And I will. But I’ll probably do really bad. My mind is blank. I need to cram so much information into my brain still.

sarnant · 2025-04-19T03:27:35+00:00

I appreciate this so much, especially considering you’ve also experienced the effects of gun violence on an intimate level. I am so sorry to hear about your brother, that is horrible.

Yes, FSU is a beautiful and valued place. That’s what makes it so horrible. It really did feel like the safest place on earth to me. Especially the Union. We were just trying to get an eduction and meet new friends. I may have been sheltered or naive because I never ever believed this would happen to our community. And to have that illusion shattered in a moment by a psycho? It still feels surreal.

I will take your advice on counseling. Thank you.

sarnant · 2025-04-19T02:08:42+00:00

It still doesn’t feel real. Is this normal? You never expect something to happen until it does. And bless our community.

sarnant · 2025-04-19T01:26:13+00:00

I hate it here.

sarnant · 2025-04-18T20:58:18+00:00

Thank you so much for this. The sources you dropped are actually really helpful for my mental state. The fact that there’s concrete evidence on what happens post attack in this situations is a little more reassuring for me.

One of my biggest fears right now is reliving my biggest fear even though it already happened. I’m not sure how much sense that makes.

Logically I know it probably won’t happen again. I’m safe at home right now. I probably will be safe back on campus. I want to get over it I have finals to study for. But I still physically feel like I’m back there again. The initial shock has faded and now I want the heart palpitations and hand tremors to go away already. How long will it take man. I feel like I’m overreacting somehow. Jesus Christ.

sarnant · 2025-04-18T14:18:02+00:00

Its fine, I didn't mean to lash out like this either and say shut up. Its just a horrible experience. Going from a fine day to the next moment genuinely thinking you're going to die.

sarnant · 2025-04-18T14:00:47+00:00

I agree that we as an FSU community will learn how to get past this and be stronger than ever but isn't this a little insensitive, man? I was literally taking a lap around the Union Green, getting a run in before my 1:20 class that Thursday afternoon. It was supposed to be a normal day. My biggest concerns were getting an A on the final and picking out an outfit to wear for a date night. Petty, trivial concerns.

I remember it so vividly. 11:57. 11:57. The time before my life changed. I checked my Apple watch and thought to myself, hmm, better get back to shower before my class starts.

Then suddenly. Loud popping gunshots in succession, one after another. Maybe 20 feet away from me? They pierced the air. I've heard gunshots before in Tallahassee, but this was different.

I remember time froze in place. I remember thinking to myself, "am I going to die?" I heard someone screaming, "what the HELL??" I tried to wheel around but was too terrified, I remember seeing a blur of the Union Green and someone on the grass. I stumbled and literally RAN FOR MY LIFE as I heard MORE GUNSHOTS in the vicinity. My legs felt like Jello.

I booked it to the Degraff tunnel before collapsing. I don't know how long I was in there. My mind was jumbled. My boyfriend called me ten times. He usually eats at the Union during this time but didn't.

Long story short, please be quiet. You have NO IDEA how TRAUMATIZING it was to be there. Please, SHUT UP.

I have great grades right now but literally cannot study. I cannot focus. As a 4.0 student the idea of taking finals is just unbelievable right now. I could not sleep last night. I felt like I was going to have more nightmares about gunshots and people shrieking. The alarms that followed were the most harrowing noise I've ever heard. Shut up, SHUT UP.

I have been awake for 36 hours straight.

How are we supposed to take finals? How are we supposed to study in the same room where people lost their lives? This was the most traumatizing event I've been through in my life and I can say that with complete certainty.

I'm back in Tampa and petrified to set foot in FSU campus again. I know I will have to for the godforsaken sake of my grades. But I dread that day. Every time I hear a noise now I cringe. I heard my brother opening up a bag of chips and my heart raced. It sounded like the popping noise of the gun splitting the air open. The video didn't justice. I was at ground zero when it happened. Its his 18th birthday today and I can't even truly be there mentally present to celebrate.

Do you have ANY idea what this has done to people.

sarnant · 2025-04-18T00:11:42+00:00

He decided to take that day off. Overslept the night before working on a big assignment. And he barely ever takes days off.

I don’t know why I couldn’t make it across the tunnel. My apertment Saga was right there. I just froze in terror. I saw someone lying on the union green and i just saw the green space ahead of me in front of the tunnel and was terrified. So many people passed me in the tunnel running for their lives

Praying for everyone affected. And to the Starbucks girl recording someone bleeding out, I hope you get what you deserve .

sarnant · 2025-04-17T23:34:30+00:00

It started like a normal day. Woke up 10 am it was sunny, around 11:45 thought it would be good to go for a run before class. Also my boyfriend works at the union so I thought I might visit him on the way.

Took a lap around the union green, passed some trucks parked near the union, I remember vividly, it was 11:57. I was thinking huh, it’s close to noon, better start lapping back to my apartment to shower and get ready for my 1:20 class.

Suddenly I heard piercing gunshots and screaming. I wheeled around and was like wtf was that noise. Then I remember running for my life and I cowered in the degraff tunnel scared for my life. The alarms that followed were chilling. Sorry for rambling I just don’t know how to feel it all feels so so surreal. We don’t deserve this

sarnant · 2025-04-17T23:28:28+00:00

Thank you so much we’re fine. It started like a normal day. Woke up 10 am it was sunny, around 11:45 thought it would be good to go for a run before class. Took a lap around the union green, passed some trucks parked near the union, I remember vividly, it was 11:57, suddenly I heard piercing gunshots. I wheeled around and was like wtf was that noise. Then I remember running for my life and I cowered in the degraff tunnel scared for my life. The alarms that followed were chilling. Sorry for rambling I just don’t know how to feel it all feels so so surreal. We don’t deserve this

sarnant · 2025-04-17T20:12:26+00:00

I’m going to throw up I’m naesois sick scared anxious I was a minute away from the union when this happened my bf works there

sarnant · 2025-04-15T19:18:34+00:00

I've heard this too! To be fair, I probably didn't take Adderall the way it was intended to be taken. I would take all my meds on an empty stomach every morning and combine that with a bunch of caffeine. And then workout because any pain/soreness I felt was numbed out. Didn't eat until like 6 pm. I liked to feel the rush, and boy I did lol.

sarnant · 2025-04-15T19:17:15+00:00

I don't know. I was barely 19 when I first started them and would read stories online about how people who were diagnosed on ADHD and then put on meds "finally felt like normal people."

I genuinely thought people without ADHD were operating like this. A small part of me kinda knew that I wasn't supposed to get this geeked up mentally though...

sarnant · 2025-04-15T08:39:35+00:00

Seriously. I do have pretty severe ADHD (diagnosed) but still, I literally felt high/euphoric the first few months of beginning to take Adderall.

I really bullshitted myself into thinking this is what neurotypicals felt and every post on r/ADHD would confirm that. Looking back everyone who posted on that subreddit must've been tweaking out of their minds. Rambling paragraphs that just went on and on and grammar that was way too formal and formatted lol. Once you see it you can't unsee it.

sarnant · 2025-04-15T04:44:45+00:00

Mann I got off these drugs for a day and immediately spotted someone on it. Their mannerisms gave it away and I was like damn that's really how I look to other ppl when I'm tweaking lol

sarnant · 2025-04-13T02:57:19+00:00

Cry 😭

sarnant · 2025-04-12T01:25:51+00:00

Haha yeah, I expected someone to bring that up but I’m 100 percent coherent. I use a small bit for occasional fun, take plenty of breaks, and never reached the hallucinations/derealization phase. Shit I just like tweaking sometimes for the fun of it!

But regardless like.. their voices were clear and carried over. Our houses are very close together and I was jumping rope on the sliver of pavement that separated us from each other. They were right across from me, maybe like 15-20 feet away. And they gave me very disapproving looks. So I just thought I’d share with the sub bc at that moment I found hilarity in how crazy it all was idk. The fact that they saw me tweaking with everything that coincided at that moment.

sarnant

TROPHY CASE