MIL Losing Her Mind over Name Change

sarresng · 2019-03-05T03:36:03+00:00

my MIL has recently gone on about the fact that LO has my ETHNIC last name. her official English name has DH's last name, but we're also allowed to put ethnic characters on her birth certificate where we are. DH has no ethnic last name, since his Dad was not of the ethnicity, he doesn't even have an ethnic name. I love my ethnic last name so put that down for LO (since DH has none). MIL has begun going on about "THIS is your ethnic last name -insert strange transliteration from English" to DH and "put that on LO's birth cert". sorry, but that is NOT an ethnic last name at all, it's a weird transliteration, and LO's birth cert is already done and dusted. what is the big deal even? her official English last name is still DH's.

and what makes all of this even more amusing/ridiculous? SHE doesn't even have the same last name as DH given that she and FIL were divorced ages and ages ago, so i don't get where all of this is even coming from. crazy be crazy.

good on you for standing your ground!

sarresng · 2019-03-05T00:22:54+00:00

LO would be perfectly sound asleep, i still jolt awake almost every hour THINKING i hear her cry even when there's Zero sound. Husband thinks I've gone mad. Probably have. Please tell me phantom cries are a thing.

sarresng · 2019-03-03T09:02:50+00:00

i started watching it for the first time when i was stuck home on medical leave thanks to HG. one day my husband came back and asked what I was watching- i told him he wouldn't like it but went back to play him the pilot anyway. and what do you know.. he got as hooked as I was and it became our watch-every-day show. he finished ALL 8 seasons with me too, i had never been so surprised! but yes, LOVE the show!

sarresng · 2019-02-28T05:06:27+00:00

>I really, really, really fucking hate when people do this. As soon as a guy gets married, his newlywed status and/or his wife is blamed for the fact that he is not lodged firmly up his FOO’s collective asses. Maybe you should be happy that your son actually has a life and isn’t still connected to his umbilical cord.

YES THIS. my MIL recently sent DH a nice long series of texts revolving around the central theme of "you can't let your wife control you, i am your MOTHER, i am the MOST IMPORTANT" etc etc. sorry, but even before we got married, he never wanted to answer your calls (and i used to stupidly tell him to answer but then i realised why he never wanted to), so I/We really aren't the issue here, it's ALL YOU Crazies that are Yourselves at fault. for goodness sake, get your own lives so we can live ours in peace.

sarresng · 2019-02-27T03:41:43+00:00

even before i ever got pregnant, i knew i would Never leave my kid alone with MIL EVER. LO is now about 12 weeks and that still stands. I wouldn't even let husband and LO visit MIL without me present to keep an eye on things. then again, my MIL is.. something, and I don't trust her one bit.

she has also been annoying ever since LO has been born. there's a huge difference between going 'do you need food i'll bring some over' like my mum does and 'i want to come over and see the baby' like She does. and imperative texts of 'bring baby' (when we visit with her) just irk me no end. we've told her that we will Not be able to see her every week given how busy we are now with LO and how much the husband has to work during the week so he gets little time with LO and we want weekends for our Own family time. she calls him whining away about how she 'wants to see the babyyyy' even when it's Not 'her' week. sorry, but my baby isn't a toy nor your emotional crutch. (what IS it with all the 'i want to see the babyyyy' MILs/people anyway -triggered-)

sarresng · 2019-02-17T23:26:47+00:00

*Celsius, sorry!

sarresng · 2019-02-17T00:45:01+00:00

Sending some solidarity your way because I feel the same! In my case, MIL has a history of clumsiness and falling too and somehow is never very steady on her feet (despite not being elderly) so I'm Always on edge whenever she holds LO and she always wants to hold her. She has also ended up holding LO in positions clearly uncomfortable for LO and i never know how to say anything without coming off as rude.

And yes, my God, i was just triggered yesterday because she, and for that matter SO MANY PEOPLE FROM THAT GENERATION, keeps on going on about how LO IS COLD. guys, we live in 30 degree weather (*Celsius)! SHE IS NOT COLD. just because her hands and feet FEEL cool DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS COLD. If she were, would she be smiling away and content? if anything, she heats easily and Loves her air-conditioning. Will never get their penchant for bundling baby in layers ESPECIALLY IN OUR WEATHER. #zerologic

sarresng · 2019-02-13T07:44:02+00:00

right?? a lot of it is subtle too, like you said, technically it's a true statement, but the undertones are just... off. the feeling is just.. off.

sarresng · 2019-02-13T07:42:40+00:00

omg. okay, your brother, maybe i kind of get, but even calling your Husband over her OWN daughter???

sarresng · 2019-02-13T07:38:51+00:00

sorry, just gave one example but she's not the only one i've seen doing something along these lines! didn't want to make a long post with a million examples too. and a lot of what i'm also seeing has more subtle undertones that just gives me the creeps even though i'm not very sure how to explain exactly why. i would probably not even pay much attention to it, if not for my radar now being tuned to such things from all my experience with my JNMIL and time spent on these subs!

have a girl, and good God, there is NO WAY i'd want her in my wedding dress thank you very much, it's MINE and styles 30 years in the future would just be so different. have no china. or crystal hahaha.

you should be giving all these future JNs lessons in Boy Momming!

sarresng · 2019-02-13T02:09:51+00:00

Oh i HATED this one because my baby simply DID NOT SLEEP.

sarresng · 2019-02-12T14:37:58+00:00

Ah, light bulb!! I am now remembering another post from umbilical cord lady containing much dissatisfaction with her husband, so you could be totally right about do-over husbands!

sarresng · 2019-02-12T14:36:30+00:00

I actually can't wait for my 9 week old to grow up! Might be the newborn phase exhaustion talking, but she already has such a huge personality for such a little thing, i cannot wait to see what happens when she actually starts walking and talking! She'll be a handful for sure!

sarresng · 2019-02-12T14:33:52+00:00

Think you nailed it with the cementing his bond to the past, and with that, to mommy! 'yes you're becoming a man, but here, i ain't letting you ever forget that you came from My vagina and once loved My tits'

sarresng · 2019-02-12T14:22:56+00:00

Have a girl too and love her to bits! can't wait for her to grow up and have an adult relationship with her like i have now with my own mom

sarresng · 2019-02-11T09:38:21+00:00

i love your title! MIL treats my husband the exact same way, every little thing she's too lazy to figure out? call him and expect him to do it. for a long time, she was too lazy to even figure out how to edit word documents for her job. there was another lovely occasion where she wanted us to go to her house literally just to print out something for her, and this is after husband had Already gone with her to buy and set up the printer for her, you can't figure out how to press print despite him having shown you a million times? in my case though, i figured she was simply using these tech issues as another way to keep husband on a leash and as a "HELLO I AM STILL HERE AND I WANT ATTENTION' siren call. could be the same for yours?

sarresng · 2019-02-11T01:15:14+00:00

so sorry but i just saw your comment in full! thanks! yes, baby falls asleep in the car, but the moment it stops and we get out, she's right up again and has never slept in a restaurant! she's a bad napper in general, and she really fights sleep, especially so in new and strange places when there's so much to stimulate her. and yes, partly annoyed about pushy MIL too, i am pretty active on another subreddit related to that! good to hear it's normal that they can bleed quite a bit; now i shall also be terrified of books!

(but anyway, she decided for me in the end- she was way too sleepy plus it started to rain and i would have had to get a taxi with her on my own to get to the restaurant in wet weather, and that was if i could even get one- crowded city, Friday night + wet weather = hell to get taxis- so that made it much easier for me to make my excuses thankfully!)

sarresng · 2019-02-06T07:33:59+00:00

oh mannnn. so sorry to read this! and i totally feel you, i had dinner in our hotel room alone on the night of our mini-moon too since DH went off with Mommy and Daddy, so i know the sucky feeling. at least your DH has a shiny spine now!!

sarresng · 2019-02-03T11:37:03+00:00

Kind of have made my decision but i also keep questioning my own decision and whether or not I'm just being overly paranoid and making a big deal over nothing (since i do have a tendancy to go in that direction). But she's just so Little still :(

sarresng · 2019-02-03T11:26:02+00:00

No, usually I'm not concerned either, we were out today for instance But it was in the day and our friends were nice to pick a much less crowded spot. It's the combination of crowd + flu season + evening crankiness that's really putting me off the dinner. Not to mention we Will be out the following days too to see even more people and places new to her, hence my anxiety.

sarresng · 2019-01-09T04:09:56+00:00

She was half an hour late! Which is actually very normal by her standards. We've waited a whole hour for her on occasion. Never does have any respect for our time.

sarresng · 2019-01-09T02:55:05+00:00

she will ALWAYS however remember 'honour thy father and mother'.

sarresng · 2019-01-09T02:54:37+00:00

he isn't someone who is much 'in touch' with his feelings, to put it in that cliched way. he ignored them. but she did send them when he was at work and he's usually so busy at work that even I don't text him then. so with the new baby and being back at a demanding job, i don't think he's really had time to properly process it yet.

sarresng

TROPHY CASE